What’s a fun way to say ineligible for rehire
I know I need to post a job opening.
Put out some feelers first, as I know what hell a posting will unleash.
Sure enough, I heard from a bunch of people I never wanted to think of again.
The first didn’t read my plea carefully. He bragged that he’s writing for Newsmax. Not the flex you think it is, Sparky. And he ended with, “I’m crushing it!”
So, Pete Kegsbreath’s spirit animal, back from the dead-to-me.
Does he forget WHEN HIS BOSS FUCKING SUED US.
When I had to turn over my PERSONAL DEVICES to a FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR to prove that I wasn’t doing anything fucking nefarious.
GOD.
I was telling my HR person about this. I said what next, the lady who I hired to write finpubs but all she wanted to write about was pickleball?
Well, fuck me, guess who wrote to me six hours later.
When I fired her, it was after six months of her complaining to everyone about me. That I edited her stuff too much. That I don’t value her wonderfulness.
The phrase you’re going for was “I rewrote your stuff too much,” Cupcake.
Pickleball. Fuck you for wasting my time.
Look, in hindsight, I asked her to write some very hard things.
I write them now.
It’s driving me absolutely bugshit nuts.
But for Christ’s sake, it is not hard to write about the stock market without mentioning PICKLEBALL.
Getting back to when I fired her, it wasn’t an “I understand” or “I would like another chance.”
It was “I’m OLD and no one else will hire me — can’t you hold on to me till I retire in xx years?”
You know, the last time I got shitcanned, I asked if there was anything I could do … or could have done … to change their minds. They said no and I said thanks for the opportunity.
I didn’t say “But my mom was diagnosed with cancer three weeks ago and I crashed my car four times because I was preoccupied and now I have repairs and have to rent a car to drive to Miami Cancer Center.”
Now this person emails me, right?
Not “Hi Dawn would love to work with you again.”
But …
“No one else will hire me and I know you have a heart, please hire meeeeeeeee.”
You know, I don’t know where she got that I have a heart.
From what she said behind my back (and never to my face) was that I was satan incarnate.
Cindy! You two could be friends!
So no, I don’t have a heart.
I used to think that if you appealed to someone’s emotions, it would soften them.
Turns out, it has the opposite effect.
I asked HR is there a fun way to say ineligible for rehire.
She said if you figure it out, let me know.
Here’s what I came up with.
I am feeling more horrible than I’m letting on, believe it or not.
Not that I feel sorry for either.
But that I don’t want bad karma for NOT paying people a minute longer who weren’t worth what I did pay them.
Both were dicks to me, yes.
But I do hope there is grace if they need it.
I just don’t have any more to give. Believe me, I begged for my people to get a raise before I bring in anyone else. Failing that, I gotta bring in someone who can alleviate everyone’s stress.
And neither of them has “Your Photo Here” next to the cavalry we so desperately need to rescue us.