These Are the Contents of My Head
I was watching a Kody Brown Cameo (ugh) and that’s what it was. Hello (insert name), these are the contents of my head.
And it made me think of the Annie Lennox song “Why.” Particularly the lyric in the headline.
I hate Kody but I related to him. I open up meetings with my unhinged thoughts and babble till I run out of them.
At least I try to be funny.
In any event, I’m stressed.
Like, I work up until my vacations. Worry about work during my vacations. Do a little work during vacations. Come home exhausted. And even more behind. And then they need more stuff.
Which, I don’t mind any of it. What I mind is not having any energy EVER.
I blew a big deadline and continue to blow it.
I took on a project I didn’t want to take on. (This was the one Ready Treaddy ran after me about while I was in Disneyland.)
I didn’t want to take it on because I didn’t have the bandwidth then.
I took it on and guess what? It requires exactly as much bonus bandwidth I thought it would. And even more if I’m honest.
And this MF called me four times Monday, But I was handling expenses for other people and I don’t pick up the phone when I’m mathing.
So he called Ready Treaddy, who called me yesterday.
Like … I admit this is my own fault.
But also my staff is burning out from the outside in, so I am trying to help them where I can.
So no I don’t have the mental bandwidth for ONE MORE THING.
And yes new HR lady, thank you for the 88th reminder that reviews are due Friday.
I love love love my job and would psychologically die without it. And financially of course. But I was without this job for a year and a half and I went crazy.
But I also see why I left. The moment you catch your breath, you get a roundhouse kick to the head from three directions.
I’ve been loath to hire because I don’t need another damn review to do.
But I’m guessing it’s time to cry uncle.
Because otherwise, MY review is just going to be a list of everything I didn’t do on time or at all.
At least the stuff I DO do, I do well.
Which is why I don’t like to agree to projects I know I’m going to half-ass.
I gotta at least three-quarters-ass it.