‘Says he’s in love with my body, that’s why he’s fucking it up’
I never tell anyone when I’m dating someone.
Usually I pop off with some random comment during some random conversation. Long after it’s been over.
Like one night at City Cellar, K mentioned “Chop.” How all the girls just swooned over this dude and wanted to date him.
I said yeah, we made out. She nodded.
I said, “Naked.”
She’s like damn who haven’t you fucked in our industry.
Like, well, I can name a few.
Anyway, the other night we got to talking about someone.
I must have rolled my eyes.
She said, “Did he have a big dick, at least?”
I said oh yeah. His best quality.
I went back to my blueberry mojito and thought about the fun I had with that guy.
But what I didn’t say was the pain that went with him.
And not just emotional.
“You wanna fuck me right now
You wanna see me on my knees
You wanna rip these clothes off
And hurt me.”
I’ve known a few guys who got off on trying to hurt me. Emotionally and/or physically.
I don’t think that was his intent, the guy we were discussing with the big dick. But it was a pleasant byproduct.
“Black leather and dark glasses
Pouring another while I shake my ass
He’s cold-blooded so it takes more time to bleed.”
My entire problem with him was one it took me a while to pinpoint.
And that was he was just a drunk.
Same with Chop. I mean, I hear he got sober or some shit. Which, that’s probably a good idea.
I met another one of those recently. Very recently. Not in recovery, but someone who simply enjoys a good drink or six.
They aren’t bad guys. They aren’t incels, or at least not what we think of them.
They just like their booze. More than company. And, even, more than female company.
The recent one makes me sad, really. He’s so nice, he would actually make a good partner. Thinks ahead. Is a good human. Knows how to vote. Respects the shit out of women.
Would probably let me go out dancing and drinking without batting an eye.
But what I learned from Big Dick is any man who’s OK without you … is OK without you.
And you’re better than OK without him.