Dreaming & Growing Is Hard Work
I take inspiration from Pampers commercials apparently, as that’s where this title came from.
I was really thinking about how the “president” wears Pampers and was amused at the alliteration.
I wasted today completely. I do that every day I am home, really.
Every week, I take a list of work into the weekend. And every week, I say I’ll do it later … later … later.
It’s how I treat every deadline. I could work on it Saturday morning and have the rest of the weekend free.
Or I could work on it Sunday at 9 p.m. and it’s still done for Monday.
Boss type people hate that.
But what they don’t know is how miserable it is to function that way.
Like, I don’t build furniture or do anything other than basic cleaning to make sure the cats have bowls and clean potties.
So, then I feel doubly like ass. I didn’t do anything for the team or myself.
But that stupid Pampers commercial gets me.
Look, I know I’m not going through physical growth spurts.
(Ahem, tell that to my credit card when I bought a bunch of shit in one size on Black Friday … and had to buy bigger sizes at regular price two weeks later.)
But Kelly told me the other day that she’s seen me do a lot of healing in 2025.
To quote, “A LOT.”
Like well it’s more fun to cry in Orange County — both of them — rather than Palm Beach County in a depressing house with a depressing MAGA neighbor.
What no one knows is I got brave and threw out a bunch of Mom’s bathroom stuff.
I’ve kept everything “just so” — her beloved hot rollers, her toothbrush, her shaver, her hairspray, her vibrator. (Hah, sorry Momma!)
And I didn’t throw it all out. But I need hairspray in my Disney suitcase. And I don’t like her shampoo. And I already used her body wash. So I’m down to the rollers and that final item I can’t bring myself to touch. 😀
I even threw out one of her towels and one of her nightgowns.
I kept the towel she used last, as I like it and I can always donate it to the animal shelter like I did with most of the rest of her brand-new bedding.
I also kept the nightgown with the blood on it from where I got a little lax with changing bandages because everything hurt her so much.
Anyway I’m starting to be ready to go through more of her stuff. And really, let’s face it, to let it go.
None of it is expensive; just cherished. By her.
I imagine the only thing I’ll keep are the hot rollers. They are older than I am. And my grandfather redid the wiring, so that’s probably the last of him I have, other than his guitar and his flag bolo tie.
In any event, I admit I lie in bed like Cindy Brian Wilson did.
(Just throwing some red meat to my one reader! Also BNL didn’t write a song about either of us, so I expect she’ll be delighted we have something in common. She’ll probably be at Disney next, just you wait.)
Anyway I get it. When you just don’t wanna and wouldn’t even if you could.
Of course, when I had someone to take care of, I wanted to and there was no “couldn’t” in my vocabulary.
Sorry to say I either need someone to take care of (no) or a good scare (probably coming) to get my ass in gear.
Of course, when you’ve lost the most important things, fear is really hard to come by other than FOMO.
I have a feeling my FOMO is about to get tested in a big way.
Kelly said that too — she doesn’t feel settled either right now.
Like, something is UP in the world and it isn’t just our idiot president bombing eight countries in a year and kidnapping the Venezuelan president in the next.
Oh well. Guess we’ll find out soon enough. Gonna keep growing in place in the meantime.