I Crap In a Box

I'm Maddie, a fabulous foul-mouthed Calico from Washington, D.C. I sleep, whine and poop a lot. Swearing like a sailor and vomiting like a supermodel round out my typical day. Tormenting my sister also warms my heart!

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Booty bouquet

Happy Mother's Day to all you brave, glorious folks who have furchildren! I salute you with my tail for all the good food, fresh water, shiny toys, warm beds and gallons of carpet cleaner that you bring into our lives. You rock!

The thing with us kids, well, we can't get out of the house to buy you a gift in honor of your holiday. And sure, we could go onto your Amazon wishlists and buy you stuff you might want, but you don't trust us with the credit cards anymore (especially if we've downloaded too much "kitty porn" at your expense). And, besides, why buy you shit when we can give you shit for free?

That said, Mommy dragged her ragged ass in at an indecent hour last night, and she got up late. Of course, I'm sure she would have loved breakfast in bed, but not only do I not have opposable thumbs, but it's not like she has like food and stuff. And I thought she might like flowers, but she hasn't let me off the balcony to go pick some.

So, I was left with the only choice for giving her a wonderful, homemade gift that would fill her senses -- I cooked up a nice shit souffle and served it up steaming hot on the carpet. It's like I made my own "Mother's Day arrangment" without even having to contact a florist -- my own special brand of "booty bouquet." Get it while it's hot!!!


At 1:32 PM, Blogger Barb said...

Heh--yeah, Hopper left an early Mother's Day surprise on my side desk yesterday. Again.

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Fur Baby said...

I am a little broke so I took my mom out for a "Happy McMother's Day" extravaganza. She just adored the big mac and milkshake. I tried to paw one of her fries, but she said "No, fries aren't for kitties." So unfortunately I had to sit in my crate in the booth accross from her and rot the whole time.

At 8:08 PM, Anonymous oliviadrab said...

Awww, now I understand the giant mound of pooh with a big stinky ass-trail all the way down the hall. It was all about MOTHER'S DAY.

At 9:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is some of the funniest "shit" we've ever heard! We have a floor shitter of our own who also likes to streak all over our living room. We feel your pain and shit, G.

At 2:54 PM, Blogger KOB said...

this is very, very funny. I loved it.


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