‘What is grief, if not love persevering’
Who knew WandaVision would produce one of the most profound lines of all time.
I used to lurk on my paternal grandmother’s social media page. She must have lost her husband a while back. Still posts about heaven and missing him.
We never knew how deeply Grampy missed his Rosie Girl till after he died. Like any memory he had of WWII, we didn’t hear much till we read his writings posthumously.
I got to thinking about how I loved my Momma — and how she loved me — more than any spousal pairing. And how, did it really only take me just under a year to be OK?
Now that we’re past the year mark, I definitely see that there’s no more OK.
Yes you cry less and smile more at their memory. But when the hurt DOES resurface, it’s crippling.
There’s a part in “Ptolemea” when the devil or whoever is asking Ethel Cain why she thinks she can hide from/outrun him when her death has already happened.
That’s how it feels when the grief shows up unannounced. It happens less often but damn it’s almost worse than it was when the loss was fresh.
That’s how you can tell when a writer isn’t just putting shit on a page. Love persevering isn’t some junior writer shit. It’s someone who KNOWS why you can’t outrun it.
I’ve noticed a few more things about me.
One, when I’m “in it,” I go play on Expedia, Capital One travel, Chase travel and Amex travel till it’s time to shower for work.
Two, I have no sense of delayed gratification. I mean, maybe I never did. I was always impatient AF. But I literally just book every trip I see (refundable, mostly) and then when something better comes along, I agonize over the choices.
So no, I don’t need to make plans with others.
Making plans with myself is complicated enough.
I guess I waited so long, I just want to do it all while I’m healthy.
Like, plenty of time for sadness when I’m my paternal grandmother’s age. I want to give myself good things to look back on, too.
Speaking of nonrefundable, I bought a $100 ticket for July 4. The venue called to say if you can’t come, please release your ticket. But NO REFUNDS.
Would you believe they are selling tickets for $200 on their website? So they pocket $300 after they sell my seat twice … a normally FREE venue.
They want you seated at 6 and fireworks are at 9 and a girl I met on the Disney Skyliner said oh don’t expect to get home till 4 a.m. — wear a diaper. So I was kind of thinking of taking the loss anyway.
But not for their profit. Hell no.