Medium rare
I’m apparently a medium.
Well, I mean I’m an L or XL in juniors’ clothing, as I refuse to dress my size or my age.
But after psychic development and mediumship class today, I surprised even me.
I was wildly bummed that, even after the teacher telling me, “Your mom is in the room with us,” no one got a message from her to give to me.
Now, I was tickled that Cocoa (!) came through. I had her whisker, claw and fur patch in my purse.
So did my Aunt Lenna, my favorite great-aunt who passed in ’98. I literally JUST found her crystal swan a few weeks ago and put it on my altar. My reader said she was just all around me, kissing me and saying love you love you.
And I’m pretty sure Sia came through too! My reader said the name was Sarah or Emily, both of which I have on the living side. But she said I just hear S and E and she’s younger and smaller than you but thinks you’re amazing. And I said yep that’s my Sia.
The reader did say someone cooked for you to show her love for you. She put that with Lenna, but that could easily have been Mom or Gram. Those were the two names I put down for “who do you want to hear most from.”
I was also asked if I know a Priscilla. I said no but maybe my last name? She said maybe. But after a few hours, it came to me — one of Mom’s nicknames (from her friend) was Prunella.
I had one of mom’s hot rollers in my purse. Her most cherished possession was her curlers. So I was ridiculously bummed that I walked out of there with no message from her.
And maybe that was made more intense by the fact that I heard from my biological father.
He’s living, and the reader called that. She said Thomas (!) regrets how he treated you. I made a face. She said you know what? It sounds like he didn’t get along with his mother, and he never knew how to get along with women because of it.
I shrugged and said no clue. My grandfather raised me, so give him the space to talk if he’s here.
She said fathers pass down their intellect to children.
I chortled. Don’t know much but I know he’s not a 100W LED bulb.
She said just because he doesn’t use it doesn’t mean he didn’t pass it to you from your shared ancestors.
She said look, light a candle for Thomas tonight and thank him for all the ancestors lined up behind you that came from his side.
Later, I asked mom’s friend if she knew if dipshit and Kay were close, but she wasn’t aware either way.
As for Cocoa, she came to me while we were meditating.
In the meditation, we met our higher selves. Oh my, that was a moment. I felt RELIEVED that my higher self accepted my lower self. We hugged.
It was in that hug that I noticed I was favoring my left side. I side-hugged my higher self with my left arm. I saw cosmos and my ancestors (honestly everyone but Mom) to my left. And I consciously thought, why am I not looking to my right?
While holding on to my higher self, I looked to my right. There was Cocoa, curled up in my right arm. My tiny girl. She squirmed with happiness that I saw her. She looked so bright and healthy.
I did not conjure that up. That’s all from my little trance state.
I was told I had to give a reading. The most experienced person in the room picked ME, the newb, to do it for her. (The reading I got came from her.)
I was wrong about just about everything I “saw.” I tried so hard to close my eyes and visualize. I free wrote (with my eyes closed), and all but the last page was a bust.
But that last page knocked her out of her chair.
For my own records, my reading improved when I opened my eyes and looked at her. And to her left and right. And I saw a man over one shoulder and a woman over the other. And lines of people behind them.
She didn’t seem impressed, just like well yeah I do shamanic things, you know that.
I said I’m sorry but I don’t follow you. I’m (redacted’s) friend and she didn’t tell me anything about anyone.
Her eyes lit up.
She said you saw the man over the correct shoulder and the woman over the correct shoulder. And I do an exercise every morning to call in and welcome and honor my ancestors. And they gather right where you pointed that you saw them.
Well holy shit.
I had another moment of being “in the know” when the teacher started to tell one of her many stories.
She mentioned Fast Eddie was his name. And I knew how the story would end (e.g., suicide) because I saw it flash before me.
She didn’t say how he did it. But I felt like I’d heard the story in that very room before.
Eventually she did say he passed violently and he never left that spot for 18 years, watching his young daughter grow up.
So much more to process. But that’s all my sad self can handle tonight.
My friend who invited me asked if Mom came through. I said no and burst into tears.
I had been in tears most of the four hours because I am an insane person.
Actually my reader said will you give up the damn apologizing and minimizing yourself. You are amazing and the only female director at your company (we don’t count what’s her name) and empathic and seeing spirits and you just spent 20 minutes explaining the stock market to me.
I told her I’ve been working on that.
She said were you told to sit around and look pretty?
I said no, my family was amazing. It’s being in the working world that’s broken me. I have someone who told me I talk too much.
And I don’t really value that opinion, because my people are well informed and also I know sometimes I say things that heal them or encourage them — without me knowing they need either.
She said next time that guy says you talk too much, ask him if that’s his unhealed relationship with his mother talking.
Hah!
She said you can still sit around and look pretty — while saying every damn thing on your mind. You can be pretty AND vocal, give yourself permission.
And we got into a 20 minute discussion about how we all have to teach people to use their intuition and raise their vibration so we can take down the fake ass patriarchy once and for all.
As there’s no God and no patriarchy on the other side. And for that matter the egg decides to open up and select which sperm it wants to take in.
And there’s evidence there was no Jesus anyway so fuck all these idiots who think they deserve the power when they all came from women so it’s got to be women to take them down.
Whew.
Speaking of (not) being vocal, my big boss had asked if I’m going to all the work-related events this weekend and next week.
I said I wasn’t invited (see: female director who doesn’t count) and he said well that’s interesting since YOU supervise almost everyone she invited.
I did tell said individual that Big Boss thinks I should be there for everything.
I could feel her stroke coming on so I said don’t worry, I made other plans.
These other plans (today) were SUCH an upgrade.
Amazing the types of spirits and meat suits you attract when you’re in your highest vibration. If people who’ve barely met me respect me far more than someone who SHOULD, well, my higher self and I will have fun far away from their low-vibrational self.