The year that wasn’t; the year that will

I came to a revelation a few days ago, that 2012 was the year where everything simply happened to me. I didn’t choose any of it — and I didn’t fight for what I did want.

My goal for 2013 is as simple as the note I’ve taped to my work phone: “The choice is mine.”

In other words, there will be choices. And there will be GOOD choices. None of this passively accepting whatever comes or feeling forced to pick between underwhelming outcomes.

I’m fighting for me this year.

I was put to the test this week, when I was courted for a new employment opportunity. One I was hoping would come through, but one I was perhaps a little relieved when it DIDN’T originally come through because, well, our heroine doesn’t have the spunk she once did.

And a cosmic series of events led to a battle — of others both wanting me.


I didn’t have much time to decide and frankly, there wasn’t a lot to ponder. A girl’s heart knows what it wants. (And this girl’s heart, of late, has been pretty insulated from wanting anything other than either anonymity or simply a way out.)

I asked for a sign, of course, and got one when I heard from old colleagues from my favorite, close-knit team. Almost as if on command, they surfaced and made me feel very happy and nostalgic.

I feel like I will get that dream team again. Sure, there may be a turd coming into our little punchbowl down the road. (Sigh.) But right now it’s a little snowglobe filled with possibilities that I haven’t had in years.

My problem with every job I’ve taken since 2009 is that I’ve walked out with a very similar skill set to the one I walked in with. I’m always teaching and helping and making others grow. I’ve been fortunate to have had a terrific early career in which I achieved or, at the very least, observed. In subsequent roles, I’ve merely implemented.

But no one has fought over me in a long time, and I went with the one who really made it a point to fight FOR me.

We could all fall on our faces by this time next year. I mean, this is a HUGE risk. Or maybe, just maybe, we could pull off the miracle I haven’t lost faith in finding. I just needed someone to build the vehicle. And now, all I need to do is hop into the front seat and help make this thing go.

2012 was definitely the year that wasn’t. 2013, from the looks of it, is the year that will.

And maybe, just maybe, I can slip out of my detached (because my heart has been beaten until it was near-dead over the past decade) character and be myself again.

Success is of course building a million-dollar business in year one. But personal success is feeling so safe to me myself in every situation that success in life, love and work can’t help but follow. I mean, good things have happened to the shell of myself. Only great things can come when greatness really truly seems to be a realistic destination for a change.

Thanks for believing in me, B. …

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