On burnout

September 26th, 2022, 6:03 AM by Goddess

I hired a rock star recently.

They just gave me their resignation.

I of course said thank you for all you did in your short time here. Because they did more in two months than I probably did in the 1.5 years I went to the other job.

They have an opportunity to “make twice the salary doing half the work.”

And that fucking hurt.

Because when I was thinking about coming back here, I told mah boo at the time that the cons were being stuck in Palm Beach and that I’d be exhausted till I died.

Well, both things are true NOW. But the first doesn’t have to be. Which means maybe I can hold space that the second doesn’t have to happen.

I read a good piece on healing from burnout last week. Speaking of holding space.

The author said you don’t heal from burnout in a weekend or a week or two. It takes months to unfuck your mind. And it starts with holding space for the possibility that things can change.

Even if they can’t change, or can’t change anytime soon, you will never get unstuck until your mind, ego and subconsciousness believe and accept that you can heal.

I often say this to someone ol’ Grutesque calls my “unemployed relative,” as if G isn’t living off husband and inheritance. Koff.

I say that whatever you speak into existence is what you get. She says things like “we’re going to get hit” in the car (I mean, have you seen Florida drivers? It’s within the realm of possibility at all times) and I’m like how about say “we’ll get home safely and without delay.”

So I get it. But I also sometimes struggle with believing I’ll be the exception.

The person who quit, I hired them to help me and a superstar who himself has made it clear that he does NOT need this job or stress. He values quality of life these days.

My boss recently said we need to have a conversation about my career goals.

We haven’t had the conversation. But my gut reaction was simply, “I want to make more money, work fewer than 70 hours for it, and be able to get the fuck away from my computer without things cascading into my early morning, nights and weekends.”

The trouble of course is I loved it. And I do love it. But I’d rather spend two weeks in (insert wherever; wouldn’t want G to go there. I’m not jealous of a thing that beast does, but I also know they don’t have an aspiration in their head unless I put it there) than sit in this dump where the elevator has been down all weekend while I drag hurricane supplies up the fuckin stairs.

Maybe G can change, too. Although you couldn’t pay me enough to believe that.

However, let’s dream, based on what I read (paraphrased) …

My intuition will lead me to the Next Right Step.

I am open to healing. Otherwise my subconscious/ego mind will shut down change.

I have all aspects of my consciousness aligned with my goals.

I’m saying this to myself as I go park myself in my dark kitchen with the blinds closed even though the back of my house looks at the Intracoastal. I go face the piles of work that are undone despite starting my days at 6 a.m. and working most weekends. I say this as a storm heads this way and I have two days of appointments, including a redo on a test that came back inconclusive. And if the roads aren’t washed out, as we’re only about 20 feet above sea level, the elevator may or may not work anyway.

All right, got that out of my system.

I’ll get the work done and enjoy it all.

It will be done well.

I might even get praise for it.

I’ll replace this employee with someone just as good.

The storm will pass without incident.

The test redo will be fine.

And if it isn’t fine, I’ll deal with it.

Maybe then I’ll gather me roses while me may.