Caterwauling

There’s a “One Morning, She Woke Up Different” meme that’s made the rounds a million times.

As I prepare for a full day of flying, I realize it’s not that I woke up different one day.

It’s that I wake up different every day.

And eventually, all those new days build upon the last.

It’s especially evident when I return from each trip that I’m different.

A lot different.

I hardly travel to seek perspective. I got enough perspective right where I’m planted, thanks. A front-row seat to how people elevate themselves and others at every expense.

If anything, the further away I am, the clearer and cleaner the air is. And when I return, I bring some of that mountain air with me.

Today, as I sit in the tiny airport that’s about to become even more familiar, I realize I have finally gotten the life I wanted.

It is mine. Literally mine. All mine.

I thought of someone who would love this adventure. I wondered what the adventure would be like, if this were the life he chose too.

But then I think about my friend I just went to visit. How we all thought my guy was the better man. How hers ended up being the most stand-up one out of them all.

And I realize, the life I chose is choosing me back. And there’s only one ticket to ride.

Maybe it’s not that I woke up different today. Maybe it’s just that I woke up and remembered who I am and where I was going in the first place.

“Didn’t mean to miss your birthday, baby

I wish I’d seen you blow those candles out.”

— “I’ll Be There for You,” Bon Jovi

I had plans for today. Big ones.

I have big plans for today. Different ones.

“These days I haven’t been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leaving

When your birthday passed and I didn’t call.”

— “Back to December,” Taylor Swift

Definitely didn’t think I’d be out of state, starting my new life.

I would say more. A LOT more.

But I really, honestly want you to have a wonderful day.

And I’ll make it that way, however I can.

I’d say we are on the cusp of world war, but no world is coming to save us.

People are being attacked and dying abroad because of my idiot orange-hued neighbor.

Planes are being shot out of the sky. As I throw last-minute items into my suitcase.

I wasted the last third of 2019 being in my head, wondering why I had to be the casualty in other people’s wars on themselves. I don’t want to worry away 2020, wondering when Mar-a-Lago is going to get nuked.

In any event, before I board/land, I have one thing to say.

I need to revise an earlier statement. He didn’t break my heart.

I break my own heart, time and again. I ain’t sharing that credit with anyone.

I was disappointed, yes. Surprised. Mystified, even. But not broken.

I also wish I hadn’t said she terrorized me. That isn’t true. What she doesn’t know is that I saw her out in public. Twice. But I didn’t approach. I think the fear was what would happen there.

What I didn’t expect was that I saw someone I have some things in common with. Someone who has what she says she wants. Someone who has things that are not meant for me. Someone who, if I were to be 100% honest, really had nothing to worry about with me for reasons they will never know.

In any event, I wanted to travel again. I got my wish. Just a shame that I share an airport with the dumbass with an $80 million bounty on his head.

Just gonna breathe and pray for an uneventful flight. All other blessings are a bonus. And I’ll cherish them all.