Because it’s been awhile since I’ve done any whoring

September 13th, 2006, 8:46 PM by Goddess

Calling all MySpacers (come out of the closet of shame — we know you have an account), I need you to help my favorite Bostonian-turned-Pittsburgher-turned-Bostonian again.

Give Cope some linkluv — it’s a worthwhile cause. Who among us can’t identify with someone who left the soul-sucking world of journalism to pursue freelance work and entertaining, life-affirming projects?!?! (Oops, Freud, your slip is showing!)

Whored from the (mass! Gah! LOL) e-mail:

“[We] are trying to sell a television series concept we wrote based on our time at summer camp. The process is going better than we could have ever expected, but we still have a long way to go. A big part of the process now is a grass roots effort to create buzz….

“So if you use MySpace, please go to http://www.myspace.com/campmorewood
and add us as a friend (the page is still very much in the construction phase but it’s being written from the persona of one of our lead characters).”

Go on. Do it. It’s better than reading another vaginablog entry here. 🙂 And there’s a free T-shirt in it for the first 100 people who add this happy camper as a friend, so hop to it!



Best of the blogiverse

September 4th, 2006, 10:25 PM by Goddess

I don’t know what’s in the water, but the usual spectacular level of storytelling on the Internet (in my realm, anyway — I make no claims outside of the people in my newsfeed) has been off-the-charts lately. Looking for some seriously can’t-miss entries? Then I urge you to check out this sampling:

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My hands-down favorite story is Tiff’s true tale about sharing Nationals tickets with a colleague and his amazing friend who went to unparalleled lengths to pay back the kindness that is just in her nature. I want to marry that guy!

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I was a first-time visitor to this blog, and this is what I found. And wow. It contains not only an observation that the Web has become the new backyard fence over which we share ourselves with our neighbors, but also how we are shifting the culture ourselves and defining our place in our generation, our community. Via Mom’s Daily Dose.

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Valbee’s post on running into her beloved and, sadly, belated husband’s hospice nurse has been stuck in my head since the day she posted it. I don’t comment on people’s blogs very often (I’m lazy) and I didn’t in this case, but I wanted to extend a virtual bushel of hugs to her.

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Sabre experiences the pain of “Cell Phone Induced Stupidity.” To read it is to hear her telling the story. OMG, I’m surprised she let the woman live. My mom just got a big ol’ dent in her car too thanks to some asshole not knowing how to operate his vehicle. What’s in the water these days? Toxins we can live with. It’s the big swig of idiocy that people are taking that makes the rest of us wonder why we’re the ones getting the tickets and the bad luck instead of THEM!!!

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On the lighter side, I’ve gotta send some lovin’ to Trouble, with her occasional — but always glamorous, tasteful and just downright appreciated — Happy HNT series (Half-Nekkid Thursdays, for the uninitiated). HAWTTTTT!!!

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“Someone Who,” by EJ Takes Life is a wonderful toast to finding an amazing friend in this lonely city. Her first line, “Hard as it is to get a boyfriend in Washington, it may be harder to get a girlfriend,” is the most universal thing I’ve heard in forever. Via D.C. Blogs.

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And in just, well, DUH news, the WaPo posits that “In Today’s Rat Race, the Most Overworked Win.”

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OK, so that last one wasn’t found on a blog. But I would gander that it’s shown up in some non-typed conversations! 😉



Dogshit nachos

July 17th, 2006, 9:28 PM by Goddess

Between not having any time to post and having a bizzitch of a time logging into this fucking site, boy am I behind in my bitching. But then again? It’s OK. Really. I always love to deconstruct things so that I can cope and let go of them. But there’s something to be said for denial or outright avoidance. Whee oblivion!

But the title of this entry made me laugh my ass off. Wait, nope, *poke* — still there. Damn it. Oh, and ow.

But enough about me. Let me wish the Carnival of the Recipes a happy centennial! (I hosted No. 98 and No. 72) Trub did a spectacular job rounding up readers to round up their favorite Carnival moments.

My favorite? Dogshit Nachos. Never mind how bloody god-awful it looks, but the name cracks me up every time. Yes, I’m aware I’m still in the second grade! I’ve wanted to serve up a nice shit souffle to some of my least favorite people, but this seems much more doable, given that I really don’t need to clean up after any errant pet droppings to make it possible.

Speaking of pet droppings, Maddie wiped her ass on my voter registration card. Big wet shit streak on it and the surrounding carpet. I’d be angry but honestly, if it’s her way of saying our elected officials can be asswipes, I’d be inclined to agree! 😉



Summer sizzle: Carnival of the Recipes, ‘Fireworks’ edition

July 2nd, 2006, 1:06 AM by Goddess

Welcome to Carnival of the Recipes #98, where we’re putting on our own Fourth of July spectacular with lots of spice, a little bit of sugar and definitely everything nice! This one’s coming out to you from Northwest D.C., just minutes away from the Washington Monument (pictured) and the National Mall where tourists from around the country flock to celebrate (while the locals stay far, far away from the madness!).

This week’s theme is “Fireworks: Spicy, Sparkling and Splendid.” We’re all about grillin’ and chillin’ with the main courses, and as you know, ’tis the season for side dishes and light appetizers. And if you’re looking for some patriotic party desserts, well my friends, you’ve come to the right place.

THE MEAT OF THE MATTER

Yeah, yeah, it’s swimsuit season. Time to cut the carbs and up the protein intake. (Or time to hide in the air-conditioned house. Whichever!) So, it’s totally and completely for your health that we give you sumptuous entree ideas for meat you can throw on the grill before moving inside to finish the very light preparations:

Riannan gives us some international flavor with a taste of Orange Beef. Ginger, orange zest, sherry — what’s not to love?

Sriracha — cha cha cha! At Kicking Over My Traces, Cehwiedel is cooking up some Split Roasted Chicken, Asian-Style.

Dude. Shrimp-Stuffed Jalapenos. Pumped Chicken (it’s blackened). Smokin’ Thighs (the kind ranch dressing was created to smother). :9 The BBQ General presents Some Like It Hot. *fans self*

I’d like to pause for a station identification break to say that I used to work in a hot-sauce store. And I LOVED to give samples to folks who claimed they could “take the heat.” Yeah, I watched many of them scream for their mommies with just a drop of Dave’s Insanity on the tip of a toothpick. Be sure to have a trough of water or maybe even some milk handy if you want to experiment with upping the Scoville units in your dishes.

And on behalf of a LOT of customers, I feel compelled to share another public-service announcement: Remember that the fiery oils in hot sauce (taken from pepper seeds, which is where the heat resides. Anybody can eat a habanero pepper that’s been washed.) remain embedded in your fingertips and tongue for hours. Keep that in mind before any nighttime fireworks displays. … 😉

All right, let’s kick down the spice a notch but kick up the flavor with some “veggie” burgers that have just as much “burger” as they do “veggies”! PractiGal gives us a twist on the traditional hamburger in her Juicy Burgers with a Twist. You get two food groups in one handy serving. Talk about convenience food!

Viva le Atkins Diet! The Headmistress/Zookeeper at The Common Room gives us Pizza Fondue. Keep it warm in a crockpot and serve with veggies and breads. Personally, I have a big bag of Panetini (Italian toast) that’s been crying for a recipe like this!

Want to go to a picnic and actually be able to wear a shirt that’s not black because you end up wearing whatever delicious goodness you were ingesting? (Sorry, I would never ever imply that any of us would dribble on ourselves. What I meant to say was, in case of food fight. Yeah, that’s totally it!) Anyway, you can wear that white shirt and enjoy Triticale’s White Barbecue Sauce, with horseradish and Creole mustard. (He also suggests serving with red wine and Blue Hawaiis, so you can salute your country in style!)

And there’s no better use for that grill than to make some sizzling-hot Fajitas (Fa-he-th-a-s), courtesy of Rhianna (A Texan Abroad). Ole!

And who could forget one last grill favorite:

Kabobs (or kebabs, however you spell it)

These are great because because they’re portable and they taste good cold. Just cube steak or chicken or lamb and marinate for an hour or two in your favorite sauce. Mine used to be Wasabi Teriyaki from Trader Joe’s, but they quit carrying it and I’m looking for suggestions to replace it with.

Speaking of marinating, be sure to soak your skewers for an hour in warm water so that they don’t go up in smoke the minute they touch the grill. Moisture is a good thing!

Anyway, also cut up some red, green, yellow and/or orange peppers for color, and here’s your magic ingredient: White Peaches. OMG, they grill up beautifully, as they stay relatively hard and look pretty with grill marks. Of course, if you’re taking them to a party, be sure to baste them with lemon juice before the trip. Finish off the skewers with cherry or grape tomatoes, but another helpful tip: Add them to the skewer when the food is almost done, as they will liquify and be pretty messy otherwise.

To reheat, throw ’em in the broiler or, if you have an electric stove like me, send them home with other guests. 😉

‘AND WHAT KIND OF SIDE DISHES WILL WE BE ENJOYING WITH OUR FROZEN WAFFLES TONIGHT?’

This section is in homage to “South Park’s” “Eric Cartman,” as he loves his side dishes, although I’m going to consider it more of an appetizer-and-sides section.

That said, I love to cook for guests, but in the summer, I don’t do intricate stuff. Like, 10-20 minutes’ prep time for a dish is ideal. So, my favorite recipe is Basil and Tomato Salad, for obvious reasons:

Basil and Tomato Salad

Fresh mozzarella, in block form (so you can slice it yourself)
Ripe tomatoes
Fresh basil
Salad greens (Baby spinach or a spring mix)
Balsamic vinaigrette dressing

Spread the salad mix along a nice round platter. Slice the cheese and the tomatoes into 1/8″ thick slices. I like to set them up like a pinwheel around the edge, stacking a slice of cheese on top of a tomato slice. Alternate this setup like little finger sandwiches. If you have enough left, do a similar circle in the middle area. In the center, I usually put a small, clear container of balsamic vinaigrette. And as soon as the party starts, I drizzle the dressing over the salad and throw the basil atop that, and voila!

As a variation, because I like to give y’all options, I’d get some short skewers (or break long ones in half) and buy those mozzarella balls that come marinated in olive oil. Put a ball in the center of a small skewer, then build out on each side with thinly sliced proscuitto, folded into sort of a ribbon/fanlike presentation.

Then put some sort of fruit like honeydew or cantaloupe or white peaches. Then slice a mozzarella ball in half (or use it whole — cheese is wonderful! –and put a half on each side of the skewer, and add more meat and fruit. The fruit should be at the ends to keep the proscuitto fan in place. You can drizzle vinaigrette over it or use a little bit of oil and have some fresh thyme or rosemary handy for presentation purposes, as the fragrance and flavor they lend are great.

I think it’s called a brochette or something like that. Hell if I know — I usually say, “Yeah, that cool dish I made last year” and people always know what I mean. 😉

The sides/munchies are all about the fruits and veggies — things that encourage guests to circulate and also things that lend themselves to disposable plates and flatware. Hurrah for Hefty-bag cleanup!

Now, on to more tantalizing goodness:

My friend and neighbor Nic contributed her delicious Black Bean & Roasted Corn Salad. I’m sure she won’t mind if I invite myself over to try some live and in person. 😉 (Just kidding — you can bring me a plate instead. LOL)

From Rhianna (A Texan Abroad), guest chatter will be kept to a minimum with such tempting spreads as the family-friendly (sans alcohol) Pina Colada Dip and Guacamole. I’ve tried the Pina Colada Dip — Rhianna suggests using it as a a fruit dip, and I wholeheartedly agree. Although I did dip some southwestern eggrolls into it and the sweet cut the heat very nicely.

Summer is practically synonymous with potato salad, and a lot of people are picky about it. But with KeeWee’s Bacon & Egg Potato Salad, everyone should find a reason to celebrate the incredible, edible egg. And the bacon. Of course. 🙂

A recipe AND cooking tips! The Family CEO presents Deviled Eggs: Recipe & Tips. Personally, I use the same recipe and toss in a teensy bit of relish for color.

Speaking of color, my friend Dulcie heard I was doing this patriotic project this weekend and contributed her red, white and black bean salad recipe, a Turkish dish called Piyaz, which she says is great with burgers and steaks:

Piyaz

1 can small black beans
1 can small red beans
1 can white cannelli beans
Oil
Apple cider vinegar
Red onion, sliced
Chopped parsley, fresh
Salt/Pepper

Empty the cans of beans into a colander and rinse thoroughly. (She suggests going with Goya or Son of Italy bean brands.) Spread the beans into the bottom of a rectangular container.

In a separate bowl, combine equal parts oil and apple cider vinegar (1/4 c. each to start — up to 1/2 c., depending on your tastes), onion, parsley, salt and pepper. Pour over the beans and let it marinate overnight.

Before serving, top with hard-boiled egg quarters. Serve cold.

As a variation, use dill instead of parsley.

One last side dish, from me, is corn. Now, I don’t mean that in an “Al Gore invented the Internet” type of way. I mean that when you make corn, don’t just serve it naked or with some crappy margarine. I’m saying to douse it in real butter, then coat it with Parmesan cheese and then — here’s the best part — sprinkle some Aw Shucks Roasted Corn Spice. I bought it at some country-bumpkin fair and I LOVE the southwestern kick it provides. Yum!

SUMMER SWEETNESS

Staying on subject with having your buffet table reflect your pride in Old Glory, you can revel in the sweet taste of freedom thanks to Morning Coffee & Afternoon Tea’s ARR Dubyou Bee Fruit Salad. Go click on the link — you’ll get the name when you see the photo. Pretty!

Magnifique! From Kevin at TechnoGypsy, we celebrate the blue, white and red with Crepes. He shares recipes for both a crabmeat filling (pour le déjeuner ou le dîner, or “for lunch or dinner”) as well as a peach filling (pour le petit déjeuner, le dessert ou le lorsque, or “for breakfast, lunch or anytime”). Yup, at Caterwauling you get recipes AND ninth-grade French. Chanceux vous!

Dr. Fuhrman at DiseaseProof.com has a full menu for the perfect Summertime Picnic ready and waiting to go, with Jenna’s Peach Freeze (a family-friendly fruity blended drink), bean enchiladas and Cara’s Apple Cake. Decadent AND healthy!

I think it’s lovely that the the most American thing on the menu comes from Amanda (Aussie Wife), who serves up a special slice of Apple Pie.

And what’s warm apple pie without ice cream? At Trinity Prep School, Maureen makes an all-American Ice Cream Pie.

Patriotic and pleasing: Kevin at Seriously Good gives us something blue-tiful with BlueBerry Crisp.

Our esteemed Carnival coordinator Shawn over at Everything and Nothing celebrates the details with Freezer Blueberry Jam. And if I know Shawn, she either has featured or will feature great containers to use ’cause she just KNOWS stuff like that!

At my house, frozen adult beverages are always on the menu — even when there’s no food in sight! This appeared in a previous carnival, but hey, apricot brandy is timeless:

Apricot Slush

2 cups Apricot Brandy
2 cups boiling water
4 teabags
6 cups (room temp) water
12 ounces frozen O.J.
6 ounces frozen lemonade
1 3/4 cups sugar
Ginger ale

Steep teabags in the two cups of boiling water for two minutes. Drain and discard bags. Combine hot tea with brandy, the remaining water, O.J., lemonade and sugar. Stir well; cover and freeze overnight.

Serve in cups with equal parts ginger ale. Some people choose to put the ginger ale into the punchbowl, but I prefer to keep it on the side so that the mixture stays slushy longer. I prefer diet ginger ale because the slush is sweet and sugary enough.

Variation: Amaretto Slush

Substitute 2 cups Amaretto for Apricot Brandy
Reduce amount of frozen O.J. to 6 ounces
Add 6 ounces of frozen limeade

Another thing I love is pineapple marinated in Grand Mariner. Leave it overnight and toss the fruit on the grill whenever you’re ready. An amazing dessert!

IF YOU CAN MOVE OUT OF THE BED IN THE MORNING

I imagine I should have started with breakfast dishes, but as we are responsible hosts and hostesses, we don’t let our guests drive home intoxicated. And let’s face it, if you live in an area like I do (D.C.) where real estate is ridiculous and hotel bills are commensurately insane, you get a lot of requests from folks who want to crash with you. So, before you toss them out onto the Beltway or whatever concentric traffic circle always frightens out-of-towners, be sure to give them a hearty breakfast.

Kimberly at Anchored by Grace has got it all covered for you with A Favorite Breakfast. My guests can stay here — I’m going to go live with HER so this glorious buffet can become my favorite too — corned beef hash casserole, sausage gravy. *drool* The pasta-stuffed onions have bacon in them. And seriously, how can we not worship pork products? 😉

WHAT? THE PARTY DOESN’T LAST FOREVER AND EVER?

As a former party-planner by profession and just all-around party girl in my youth who tried to throw kickass extravaganzas on a budget, I want to share some of my lessons learned.

Warm weather doesn’t keep your food warm

Have some chafing dishes and fuel on hand to keep your food warm throughout the duration of your soiree. Folks arrive when they arrive — show them that they’re always welcome by having fresh, hot food waiting for them.

Even if you don’t need chafing dishes for the food you prepare, someone is always going to bring something that would taste better warm. Party City sells these in kits — foil dishes with stands and fuel — for seven or 10 bucks. Glass baking dishes set on the stove burners work just as well. Just be sure to keep the food covered to retain moisture.

Use quality cookware

Me-Ander gives us a sweet, metered tribute to a baking pan that bit the dust.

Save the scrubbing for later

I know, we want our friends to think we make our beds with hospital corners every morning. Definitely do clean, and clean well, but save the backbreaking sterilizing of the house until long after the guests have gone home.

Let’s face it, you’re going to be cleaning up coaster rings and spills magically hidden beneath a pile of napkins anyway, so do your home makeover for yourself, not to impress anyone else. Just be sure the coffee table isn’t wet, as the last thing anyone needs is a late-night trip to the emergency room after a karaoke marathon/table dance-off gone wrong. …

Bottom line, the only thing that needs to sparkle at your event is YOU. So shine on, friends, and enjoy your Fourth of July celebration!

WANT TO BE A CARNIE?

Follow the traveling Carnival of the Recipes and check out next week’s edition — themed “Life’s a Beach” — at Blabber Heads. Peggy’s looking for fit fare, so feel free to share your recipes that are tasty and satisfying yet keep you in beach-weather shape!

To submit your recipe, e-mail recipe.carnival AT gmail.com by noon Central on Saturday, July 8. If you’d like to host a future edition of the Carnival, send an e-mail with the word “host” in the subject line to the same address.



Speaking of all things decadent

June 5th, 2006, 9:23 PM by Goddess

I’m slated to host the Carnival of the Recipes on July 2.

I think my theme will be “Fireworks” — spicy, sparkling and splendid.

Can ya throw a girl a bone and post a recipe around that time that fits the bill? I can post it here if you’re sans blog. I’m looking for stuff you’d serve at a Fourth of July picnic.

Bonus points if it’s easy, as this is the girl who buys out half of Safeway and Costco and then orders pizza and drives through fast-food joints so that I don’t have to cook.

Double bonus points if it’s a pretty dish. Photos encouraged!



Couldn’t’a said it better myself

May 23rd, 2006, 7:51 AM by Goddess

Asshole!

(Link NSFW, especially if you work among Republicans or the otherwise-uptight, as though those could ever be mutually exclusive. Heh.)

via Sherri



Linkdump

January 23rd, 2006, 9:08 PM by Goddess

Not for lack of anything to write about, but rather for lack of being *able* to do a thoughtdump of the caliber I so crave right now, here are some things that have caught my eye ’round the Net:

Presidential Speechologist (*bwahahaha*)

Young earners face intense financial challenge. This is to promote a new book, “Strapped: Why America’s 20- and 30-Somethings Can’t Get Ahead.” Can I hear an amen from my fellow “bouncers”?

Somewhat related, Execs and managers more satisfied than workers.

The nutfuck anti-abortionists are in town. You know, the same ones who want to protect the lives of the unborn but who have no problem murdering anyone who happens to have *performed* an abortion in his or her career. I say keep abortion legal — and keep this crowd from procreating. PLEASE. These are the same people who protest gay unions — say it with me, THAT group would never need that surgical procedure, would it now?

On a lighter note, did you see Drew Barrymore’s “SNL” skit? After showing off her golden globes well, AT the Golden Globes (let’s just say that her ‘actresses’ needed ‘support’ — and lots of it), this was a well-timed and well-orchestrated nod to her need for a boulder-holder.

“Queer Eye” will make over your office. I started to contact them till I realized I’m a twee bit outside the 25-mile radius of Manhattan. *drat* My team would be funny as hell on TV.

For fellow “American Idol” junkies — the show will go into syndication this fall, with episodes to be remixed with highlights. Sweet!

From T-shirt Hell, a new shirt that’s sure to offend … FEMA.



Carnival of the Recipes #72

January 1st, 2006, 4:21 PM by Goddess

Welcome to the first Carnival of the Recipes for 2006! (Well, it was technically supposed to be the last one for 2005, but I have no concept of meeting deadlines. I am also a journalist. Go figure!) 😉

Before we begin, I wanted to make the place look festive for company. And thus, I’m sharing my recipe for Pretzel Wreaths, as my mom and I used to make these together a hundred years ago, and now they’re something I do to feel close to Mom even though she’s 250 miles away. These are great to give away in festive little baggies to neighbors and colleagues.

Pretzel Wreaths

You’ll need:

Mini pretzels
Almond bark
Heavy whipping cream
Long, thin strands of cherry licorice

I prefer to use a fondue pot to melt the almond bark (you can use it at the dining room table, as opposed to a double boiler on the stove, where you have to stand while you assemble). I also insist on almond bark — I used white chocolate pieces this year and am disappointed in the consistency.

Use the occasional drop or two of heavy whipping cream and a whisk to ensure the bark stays smooth. If it gets lumpy, add a drop of vegetable oil and whisk away.

What you’ll do is use two layers of pretzels — I like to use six in each row. Arrange them on waxed paper with the tops of the pretzels touching but not overlapping. Dip the top halves in the bark and return to the waxed paper.

Repeat with a second row of pretzels, only this time alternate the positioning (i.e., the top row of pretzels should span two pretzels on the bottom). While the bark is still soft, use red and green sprinkles to decorate your wreath.

Finally, take licorice (I love the cherry Pull ‘n Peel Twizzlers) and thread through the ends of the pretzels. For this size wreath, I used three strands — two for threading and one to attach a licorice bow to the top of the wreath.

TIME FOR CINDERELLA TO BE ON HER WAY TO THE BALL

In any event, I was thinking about the holiday season and realized that you just can’t have it without circles like wreaths, and also balls. (Get your minds out of the gutter, people!)

But think about it — we make tons of cookies and appetizers and side dishes, and everything starts as a lovely, one-inch circle before it bakes up all bubbly and chewy and tasty. We put glass balls on our Christmas trees. Even mistletoe comes in a ball (although the sprig is prettier, but you get the idea).

And let’s not forget the most important ball of all — the one we eagerly await to signify the proverbial “out with the old, in with the new” — the New Year’s Eve ball! (OK, so it’s an apple — more on apples later. …)

So, without further ado, I invite you to kick off your party shoes, grab an eggnog and have a — you guessed it — ball with these scrumptious recipes submitted by our various chefs in honor of the occasion!

Let the countdown begin …

APPETIZERS AND SIDES

As traditional as lighting candles and buying presents, most everyone looks forward to having Cocktail Meatballs, which kicks off our list, courtesy of Nic over at Shoes, Ships and Sealing Wax. She gives away the “secret sauce” that always stuns people when they find out that it only has two ingredients. 🙂

Beth, who’s also online here, gives us a variation on the theme — she uses cranberry sauce instead of the grape jelly:

Sweet and Sour Meatballs

Meatballs
1 can jellied cranberry sauce
1 bottle chili sauce

Heat together, dump in cooked meatballs (I really cheat and buy the precooked frozen meatballs) and heat together.

From someone who knows how much I love this particular cooking category, we get Meatballs a la Victor over at Publius & Co. Mmm, spinach.

In Mad about Meatballs, Riannan gives us another variation on meatballs — this reminds me of my grandmother’s recipe, because the beef broth really pumps up the flavor.

Personally, I can’t wait to try Tiff and Tom’s lamb meatballs in a tomato-curry sauce. Yum!

Not everyone eats meat or, if we’re all resolving to eat more healthily in the new year, a good place to start is with Spaghetti and Mock Meatballs, contributed by my buddy Bill, who keeps those healthy resolutions through tasty dishes like this.

Be still, my heart — Savory Cheese Truffles from Everything and Nothing. Seriously, cheese — who doesn’t love a recipe with cheese?

Coon (Procyon lotor) Balls from KeeWee’s Corner. The name intrigued me — it sounded like something out of a Smithsonian exhibit at first. But sausage fans rejoice — it’s a recipe you’ll love!

Like it a little less spicy? Silver Blue’s Sausage Balls will hit the spot instead. John’s spicy enough without the hot sauce. 😉

Not into sausage or ground beef? Try salmon, courtesy of Beth:

Salmonettes

1 15 ounce can salmon
1 whole egg
1 heaping teaspoon baking powder
� cup flour

Drain salmon reserving juice. Combine drained salmon, egg, and mix with fork. Add flour and mix. Add salt to taste. Measure out � cup salmon juice and discard the rest. Add the baking powder to the juice and beat with fork until it foams. Mix into salmon. Roll into small balls and deep fry.

Meat and chocolate are the main staples of Caterwauling, so recipes for Holiday Meat and Chocolate Balls from Martin are a perfect addition to the list!

Several of you have asked me for my mom’s world-famous Stuffing Balls, for which friends and relatives from all over will drop by the house after stuffing themselves silly at their OWN dinners to snack on because yes, they’re THAT GOOD!

Mom’s Stuffing Balls

Celery (mince ’em up well)
Onions (mince ’em up well)
1 loaf fresh bread (Mom uses bakery bread; I prefer Italian)
Salt
Pepper
Celery seed
Dried parsley
Dried sage
2 eggs
Chicken broth
As much butter as you can stand

My grandmother was Italian, and one thing we always learned was to count NOTHING — not measurements, and CERTAINLY not calories.

Line a cookie sheet with foil. Cube the bread and spread it along the foil. Sprinkle with all the seasonings except for sage. Melt some butter and drizzle lightly along bread. Toast till slightly browned.

Meanwhile, saute the celery and onions (in butter). When the onions are translucent and the bread has been toasted, combine in a large mixing bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk together two eggs and add to bread/sauteed mixture. Add sage here.

Combine all, form into 2″ balls.

In a large skillet, break out the butter and carefully line up the balls. Be careful when flipping/rotating them — they are prone to fall apart early on in the cooking cycle.

Fry until they’re to your desired level of doneness (I like them slightly crispy), all the while adding tiny drops of chicken broth and milk (go easy on those — less is definitely more, else you’ll lose that yummy butter flavor and crispiness) to keep the balls from drying out.

And for as good as they are when you cook them, they taste 10 times better the next day!

My good (non-blogging) friend Angie gives us a recipe for Parmesan Spinach Balls, which uses stuffing for consistency:

Parmesan Spinach Balls

2 (10 ounce) packages frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained
2 cups Italian-style seasoned bread crumbs
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup butter, melted
4 small green onion, finely chopped
4 eggs, lightly beaten salt and pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. In a medium bowl, mix the frozen chopped spinach, Italian-style seasoned bread crumbs, Parmesan cheese, butter, green onion, eggs, salt and pepper. Shape the mixture into 1 inch balls.

3. Arrange the balls in a single layer on a large baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven 10 to 15 minutes, until lightly browned. Yields: 10 servings.

DON’T FORGET THE DIPS

No, I’m not talking about forgetting to invite your redneck relatives to the party (they show up uninvited anyway because they know there’s food in them-thar kitchens!). I’m talking about those centerpiece-quality spreads that transform ordinary crackers into little tiny plates of joy.

I’m going to invite myself to Silver Blue’s house, because someone needs to sample all of these great recipes! John will let us help ourselves to a Tasty Ham Ball, Chicken Ball, Veggie Ball and Dried Beef Cheese Ball.

And in my house, I feel it is my right as hostess to laugh when the biggest (human) cheese balls at the party dig into the cheese balls on the pretty platters. Because it’s proof positive that you ARE what you eat!

Beth would make my mom proud with this one:

Salmon Spread Cheeseball

1 small can of salmon
1 teaspoon lemon juice
2 8-ounce packages cream cheese

Drain salmon and pick out bones and skin and discard. Mix salmon, lemon juice and cream cheese together. Form into a ball and sprinkle with chives. Serve with crackers or rye rounds.

Editor’s note: My Mom makes it with that new pre-packaged smoked salmon that’s in the canned fish aisle, and she swears by adding fresh parsley to it.

I make tons of dips throughout the year, and I’m one of those people who NEVER remembers how I made it the last time because I don’t write it down. So bear with me, I’m giving you my horseradish dip ingredients and telling you to use as much as you like to fit your tastes:

Cheesy Bacon Horseradish Dip

Cream cheese, softened
Bacon, crumbled (*real* bacon, fried up in all its greasy glory)
Shredded cheddar cheese
Horseradish (I use extra hot)

Cream all ingredients together — toss into the freezer for an hour. Form into a ball; roll in crushed pecans and surround with crackers.

SWEET TOOTH

As a way to cope with dysfunctional family gatherings, nothing’s better than whipping up a few batches of what I like to call “booze balls.” It’s always fun to feed them to the teetotalers who need a drink more than any of us. 😉

From Angie, we have Chocolate Chip Eggnog Balls, which are no-bake cookies with cream cheese, spiced dough, chocolate chips and an outer coating of pecans:

Chocolate Chip Eggnog Balls

2 (3 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
4 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar
1 tablespoon heavy cream
1 teaspoon brandy
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips
1 1/4 cups finely chopped pecans

1. In a large bowl, cream together the cream cheese and confectioners’ sugar. Beat in the heavy cream and brandy. Combine the salt, cinnamon and nutmeg, stir into the cream cheese mixture along with the mini chips to form a smooth dough. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet. Chill for 5 minutes.

2. Roll the chilled dough into balls and roll them in the chopped pecans to coat completely. Yields: 42 servings.

Missouri Mud Balls from Morning Coffee & Afternoon Tea. These are kid-friendly and use oats. I am going to have to try these because, seriously, yum.

Rum Balls from Punctilious. It’s neat how these have become such a tradition in so many families, yet we all make them in a variety of different ways. I’m also fascinated by the stories behind how our recipes came to be, and you’ll find one of those here.

Chocolate Rum Balls (and Chocolate Bourbon Balls) courtesy of John at Silver Blue.

If you ever want to shut me up, you can feed me Chocolate Truffles. Thanks to Tink for the submission!

Beth shares with us her recipe for Mexican Wedding Cookies:

Mexican Wedding Cookies

1 cup soft butter
� cup sifted confectioners sugar
� teaspoon salt
1 � teaspoons vanilla
2 tablespoons water
2 � cups flour
1 cup chopped nuts

Cream butter, sugar, and salt until light and fluffy. Blend in water and vanilla. Stir in flour and nuts. Chill dough for 30 minutes for easy handling. Shape chilled dough in small balls and place on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 12-15 minutes or until cream colored. While still warm roll in confectioners sugar. Cool and roll again in confections sugar.

I’m going to share my own personal recipe for “Dirt Balls,” as I like to call them. My grandfather loves these:

Dawn’s Dirt Balls

17 Oreo cookies (regular, no double-stuffed)
3/4 cup finely chopped pecans
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
3 tablespoons Kahlua
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1.5 teaspoons vanilla
A few dashes of cinnamon

Toss the Oreos into a Ziploc bag (and the pecans into a separate bag) and crush ’em. Some people use food processors; I personally like to hammer the bags with a meat tenderizer to take out my frustrations. Cooking is fun!

Measure out 1.5 cups of the crushed cookies and mix with the remaining ingredients.

Optional: I like to refrigerate the dough for an hour — it’s easier to work with.

Form into 1″ balls.

Roll balls in remaining cookie crumbs OR dip in melted chocolate OR roll in sprinkles/jimmies. I use orange/black around Halloween and roll them in finely crushed nuts when I want them to be “healthier.” Hah. 😉

Store in airtight container with waxed paper between the layers.

BONUS

All you have to do to change the recipe is to change the liqueur and type of cookie. I also love Amaretto Balls — in which case the 17 Oreos become 29 Vanilla Wafers and the Kahlua becomes Amaretto. Either cookie type is lovely with Bailey’s Irish Cream, too.

I actually developed my Dirt Balls recipe after tasting my friend Angie’s Kahlua Balls. I never asked for the recipe (until this Carnival), so I present (first) her Amaretto round-cookie recipe as well as her Kahlua Balls and Rum Balls. (Yes, we loves us some spirits!)

Amaretto Butter Balls

1 cup butter
1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup amaretto liqueur
3/4 cup finely chopped almonds (optional)
1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar for rolling

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. In a medium bowl, cream together the butter and 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar until smooth. Stir in the flour and salt until well blended, then mix in the Amaretto liqueur. Fold in chopped almonds if desired. Roll the dough into walnut sized balls. Place the cookies 2 inches apart onto the cookie sheet.

3. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely. Roll cookies in remaining 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar while still warm.

Yields: 24 servings

Kahlua Balls

2 1/2 c Oreos; crushed
1 c Nuts; chopped fine
1 c Powdered sugar
1/3 c Kahlua
2 tb Dark corn syrup
Powdered sugar

Combine crushed oreo cookie crumbs, nuts and powdered sugar in a large bowl. Add Kahlua and corn syrup. Mix well. Shape into 1″ balls; roll in powdered sugar. Place in airtight container and chill overnight.

NOTE: Creme de cacao may be used in place of Kahlua.

Yields: 36 servings

No-Bake Rum Balls

A holiday favorite! Try using brandy in place of the rum.

2 1/2 cups crushed vanilla wafers
1 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 cup chopped walnuts
3 tablespoons dark corn syrup
1/4 cup rum

1. In a medium sized bowl, mix together the vanilla wafers, cocoa and sugar. Stir in the chopped walnuts, corn syrup and rum. Mix until well blended.

2. Form dough into 2 inch balls and roll in confectioners’ sugar. Store in covered tin. Yields: 36 servings.

My buddy Beth submitted a similar Rum Ball recipe, which I won’t duplicate but I do have to share my favorite line from it: “Calories: Unknown, and after about 10, who cares? ;)” Beth also notes that you can roll the balls in cocoa or in ground chocolate. I like the way she thinks!

Beth also has a family-friendly recipe using Oreo cookies:

Oreo Cookie Balls

Crush 1 package of Oreo Cookies in a food processor
Transfer to mixing bowl
Mix in 8 oz cream cheese
Form into balls and refrigerate
Dip in white baking chocolate (I added 1 Tablespoon of shortening to the white chocolate and then melted in microwave.)

Refrigerate prior to serving. Makes about 3 1/2 dozen. Enjoy!!!

Now that we’ve gotten the ball (ha!) rolling, Beth knows a thing or two about the Buckeye State, and she submits one of my FAVORITE cookies, Buckeyes:

Buckeyes

1/2 cup butter melted
1 cup peanut butter
1 3/4 to 2 cups powdered sugar
1 16 ounce pkg. chocolate chips
1/4 bar paraffin wax

Mix butter, peanut butter and sugar and roll into small balls. Chill for a few hours or overnight for better results. Melt the chocolate chips and wax in a double boiler. Using a toothpick, dip peanut butter ball into the melted chocolate leaving a small area at the top of the “buckeye.” Place on waxed paper until firm. May be stored in the refrigerator.

SilverBlue has a different recipe for Peanut Butter Balls, which sounds good because all this working with hot chocolate dipping sauces just keeps you from eating the cookies, and these are ready-to-serve almost immediately!

AFTER THE BALL

Now that we’ve made enough bite-size appetizers and desserts for our guests to snack on while they’re roaming and networking with the other fabulous guests you’ve invited, we can move on to other holiday-themed dishes. Pin up your hair and breathe in the fragrance of fruits, spices, coffees and various other dishes that you’d prefer your guests be sitting down to enjoy. 😉

SUGAR AND SPICE …

Apples go hand-in-hand with the holidays as well. People flock to the Big Apple to freeze their behinds off and to watch the big, apple-shaped ball drop. For those of us who avoid the crowds, staying at home and cooking with apples a lovely way to add festive fragrance to our kitchens as those treats disappear in less time than it took us to prepare them!

You can almost taste the pie in the photo provided of Lattice-Top Apple Pie from Blonde Sagacity!

Apple Pie Cake and Rum Butter Sauce from The Bitch Girls sounds like music to my taste buds.

Ginger Gingerbread Bundt Cake from Triticale will unquestionably add some spice to your life.

It has fruit, so it HAS to be healthy, right? 🙂 All hail the Raspberry Souffle from Mensa Barbie.

… AND EVERYTHING NICE

Black-Eyed Peas aren’t just a great pop group, but they’re also a longtime new year’s tradition in the South. Dubious Wonder ensures we will have good luck for the year to come.

It’s always good luck when you can breathe life into holiday leftovers with Split Pea Soup, as prepared by Sun Comprehending Glass.

In my family, we eat Italian foods for luck (and because they’re tasty). So, fire up some Friday Night Pizza a la Life in a Shoe!

This is a 3-for-1 recipe collection (Berghoff Sour Cocktail, Creamed Spinach and Ragout a la Deutsch) at The Glittering Eye, from the soon-to-be-closed Berghoff Restaurant in Chicago.

Wayne’s Mom gives us recipes as well as a video fill our tummies and warm our hearts this season.

In her words: “During his four-day pass for Christmas, Sgt. West started the round of holiday visits with Myron and me at the home of Blair and Leslie Bingham, my brother and sister-in-law who live in Jackson, Miss.

“In honor of Wayne�s homecoming, the Binghams served our traditional Christmas breakfast on the morning of the 23rd.

“Click here to watch a short video of Wayne introducing our favorites: Padow’s Country Ham and Les’s Famous Christmas Cream Cheese Braids.”

DRINKS

Sure, we talked about apples earlier, but these drinks deserved a category of their own:

Mulled Cider from Meanderings will make your season bright.

Everybody’s Irish with a Cup o’ th’ Irish as created by Blog d’Elisson.

LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST …

I saved Kevin at Techno Gypsy for last so I can segue into promoting the next carnival, because he’s graciously agreed to host it. (I’m just clever like that. Ha.) 😉

He and his mom have been cooking up a storm this holiday season, so he has lots of goodies to make and stories to tell.

First comes Mom, Apple Pie and Lamb. (Editor’s note: Now, for those of you whose minds are planted squarely in the gutter like mine, Mom is not an ingredient. 🙂 This is a 2-for-1 recipe deal for Lamb Roast and for Kevin’s Mom’s Apple Pie.)

They also made Kolace (cookies with cheese filling and cherries), Tourtierre (meat pie), Chergies (fried dough) , and Venison Bulgoi.

And they’re making more for next week, so stay tuned!

YOU’RE INVITED TO THE NEXT CARNIVAL!

Fear not, kids — the circus is leaving town but it’s a traveling one. Next week, we’ll be celebrating “Russian Christmas” over at Techno Gypsy. To make a submission, send it to recipe-dot-carnival-at-gmail-dot-c0m. The deadline is noon Central on Saturday.

SO LONG FROM THE BELLE OF THIS BALL

And with that, I am handing over my apron and chef’s hat to Kevin and making myself a cocktail (or 10). The best part about these carnivals? That there’s no cleanup afterward. 🙂

Have a joyous and prosperous 2006, and thanks for playing. See you when we wake up from the food coma!