Caterwauling

Has it been five turns of the calendar already?

Today I wrote a post you’d appreciate. It wasn’t about you, but you always appreciated a good story.

It’s in the annals of unpublished posts. If I don’t let it go live today, I never will.

That’s OK. It’s just between you and me. Like so much.

I still can’t believe I’m doing life without you. Guess I always thought there’d be a sign or dream or something to let me know that invisible string still tangibly ties you to me.

In my prayers, I still thank you for being part of my life. For being part of me.

Cheers to us. To you, S. Always to you.

And a glass-tip to what I don’t remember and to what I’ll never, ever forget.

Well, June. But who’s counting, really?

I heard that my middle school history/government teacher died last week.

I wonder how 40 of us sat in this brilliant man’s classroom and yet only half of us know how to vote against fascism.

RIP, JS. Thank you for the knowledge and understanding. God, to sit in a study hall with you today and talk about this ridiculousness, I’d give anything.

Speaking of giving anything, I’m still not talking about June but I think a whole lot about it.

God has probably had enough of me asking why he only takes the good ones.

He needs to stop sending me reasons to keep making this inquiry.

Another piece of my heart died.

Yet another colleague who worked hard and left under duress.

The stress that damn near killed my friend then, finally did now.

This one, I loved a whole lot. A WHOLE LOT.

Made everything beautiful and bright. Big laugh, big heart, and big snark for those who richly deserved it.

I have a lot of things to say to God tonight.

To S., I say:

I hope you gave God holy hell for this one. I know you will never rest. How could you, with so much left undone and so much love and care left to give?

Thank you for being so good to me in what was also your time of need. I pray for your well-earned peace.

Cheers to a life well- lived.

Cara mia, ti amo.

All the memes going into 2021 encouraged us to enter quietly. Don’t touch anything. Maybe it won’t see us here.

Well, that lasted three days.

I dreamed that I saw my old UWD boss. There’s no love lost there on either side. I was in a European airport, dancing around (because hello, travel!) and also the floor squares lit up. It was snowing outside and I was able to step out and see amazing water views and aurora borealis skies.

Anyway the boss gave me 100 euros and said let’s move on. I took the money and he was gone.

I woke up to learn that one of our colleagues from those days died.

This person was more than a colleague, although we did work at two different jobs together. I knew their family. Parents, siblings, and one of their now two kids.

I have to say, that family makes beautiful babies. That’s what happens when beautiful people get together with other beautiful people. And kind, too. Everyone was so kind.

I got to thinking about the last time I saw them. The boss had just quit and we were all banished to the hinterlands. They lasted a month in the new arrangement.

JB turned me on to a breakfast place that would become my all-time favorite. I only took certain people there. And I would tell them about my friend who introduced me to it.

I think about how shoddily we were treated then. It worked out for me — I outlasted everyone and would still be there if not to get away from pesky spirits that refuse to cross over.

But it wasn’t easy. Nothing good ever is.

In any event, I used to speak of the talent we lost in not making certain people happy enough to stay.

Today I speak of the time that was wasted of them suffering and feeling bad, when they would only have four more years to live.

May the road rise to meet you, JB. Give S. a big hug for me. Because she will definitely have one waiting for you.