Caterwauling

I have a ton of draft posts, since I can never really go away. (Also, I document everything.) But yeah, you never get rid of me. 

The quiet was good for me. I practiced it on social media and IRL too. 

One lesson: I never really noticed how people interrupt you when you talk. But when you say fewer words than normal, their behavior is pretty apparent. But don’t interrupt THEM, God forbid. 

Another lesson: When they aren’t stalking you and coming up with their own assessment of what’s in your head and heart (from a few hastily written words in a 35-second burst), they still subscribe to their own fantasy about you. I thought NOT giving them ammo would make them talk to me more. I was wrong. 

Another lesson: Going dark shows who your real friends are. I didn’t get a ton of emails and texts. But I got a few. And for those of you who are true friends but gave me my space, I love you too. I needed it and I need you guys too. 

A final lesson. I popped back up on social media and was happily welcomed back. By the usual suspects (love you all) and some pleasantly surprising ones. 

That got me to thinking. A lot. Because I’ve been 100% ready to go dark. From online, from where I am, from maybe life in general. All in hopes of just never having to deal with terrible people again. Two in particular. 

And I kind of got it that these twerps don’t define me. Yes they can and do poke holes in the occasional balloons of joy.  Karma never seems to catch up with them because they think they are great and apparently the universe listens. 

But I worked very hard to build all my relationships. No need to sacrifice any of them to run away from other ones. 

If I don’t force myself every day to coexist with crazy, well, I’m only giving up the things I do love that might or might not exist otherwise. 

I’ll leave it vague like that. But you get the idea. 

Anyway. Life is good right now. And I will take it. 

After all, I haven’t worn this size in seven years. If that isn’t worth celebrating on this Independence Day, then I don’t know what is. 

“I don’t know a single blogger who even enjoys it any more. There was a time when we loved every minute of it, we would gush and say oh my god, we love it. Now we say there’s times when we still love parts of it, but nobody sits down at the end of the day and pours a drink and says “Oh I had the most glorious day”. There are only now parts of it we still enjoy but there’s not that enthusiasm for the whole thing any more.”

Thinking of Quitting Blogging? Here’s What Dooce Did Next

I loved being part of the D.C. blogging community. We formed lifelong friendships … and I developed an utter distaste for Libertarians because of CERTAIN Libertarians who felt the need to come to my page and bash my take on the world.

Funny, I’ve organically gravitated from tree-hugging Liberal to pseudo-Libertarian since the self-important people wrote me off as hopeless and I quit talking politics.

It kills me that I stopped talking about things that meant a lot to me. Not just politics but work. I mean, I have stories on top of stories and what I have done since my own “doocing” has been tame.

In any event, I agree with Heather. It’s not as much fun as it was. But I never tried to court advertisers and write sponsored posts. I deleted every single request I get to get paid to say something. Eventually, people stopped asking.

And many more people stopped reading.

That’s OK. I’m paying way too much to Public Storage to hold my dozens of paper diaries. I’m all right with maintaining my long-held little corner of the Internet.

It’s done me more good than damage. And I’ll keep writing here forever if I can. I wish more of the cool kids were still doing it with me.

Had to pull down my last post since it got reblogged by a good friend who wanted to use my real name to give me credit. (Read, the less my real name is associated with this page, even though everyone I’ve ever worked with has it bookmarked, the happier I am.) If you want to see the post, hit me up on Faceypages.

I do have more tips for job-seekers. Stay tuned as I meet more degenerates lovely people!

see more ICHC After Dark

Today, I want to wish my beloved Vitamin D a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Here’s a lil something to get ya through…

Broad Street, Philly

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

So my beloved L and I made reservations at Lola last night.

And although DaDa will always be “our” place, Lola is a very close second in our eyes.

Of course, anywhere that we can order cheese for every course is A-OK by us!

She said there was something different about me last night. I was relaxed in a way I simply haven’t been during the six months she’s been in town.

We attribute it to Philadelphia. I mean, why not, right? 😉

Maybe it’s bigger than that. I really am relaxed about a lot of things right now. When we met, I was in a job that felt about as comfortable as shoving a grown-up size 8 foot into a baby shoe with brute force.

And turning 36 last month wasn’t a huge deal for me, but whereas other people’s biological clocks start to tick, my “my life is half over and what do I have to show for it?” station started to play on my internal clock-radio.

But what I didn’t realize as I was trying to hit “snooze” with a hammer and the song kept playing louder and louder, was that I had experienced way more than I gave myself credit for. And it took going away to see that.

I always felt kind of stunted when it came to matters of the heart. I made a good career and as good a life as I could. But I always felt that I never managed to love or be loved.

And while, one one hand, that’s life … on the other hand, it’s like how can such a reasonably intelligent individual have failed at what some of the stupidest people on earth have found?

And with just a couple of days, the vortex of confusion and self-pity in my head has calmed down considerably. I’ve realized I didn’t just “almost” have it all. I’ve had everything and then some … and perhaps I’ve had it even better than the people who claim they have it better than anyone else.

What I’ve had may have been brief, but it’s been real.

And unlike a certain boy that L used to know, I have far from peaked. He’s wasted every chance and ruined every life that he’s come across. So now he’s in search of the meaning of life in New Age hocus-pocus. (Good luck in that month-long sweat lodge visit where you’re staring at corpulent men in tiny towels. I’m sure THAT will fix your broken soul. *snort*)

It’s in talking with my friends and finding about the douchenozzles they’ve encountered that makes me doubly blessed A) to have such wonderful, worldly friends, and B) that I don’t think I’ve ever actually felt my time was wasted by anyone I’ve loved or been loved by.

So, the calmness you see might be alcohol-induced at times. But it’s mostly a general peace now that the universe hasn’t been withholding anything from me and that the best is truly yet to come … and that all I have to do is be on alert to look out for it when it comes, and be open to receiving it.

OK, so I posted this little meme on Facebook, so apologies to those who know the Goddess’ secret identity and read the first version of this already.

While I do have plenty of original thoughts tonight, I’m going to go with re-sharing this thing here.

Some edits were made, naturally. 😉 And some points are better-explained, too.

10 Lessons From a Crazy Year

1. Your friends can and will help you if you let them.

I spent the last year in virtual silence, not wanting to let people know what was really going on. Calls went unreturned … e-mails went unanswered … I just didn’t have the energy for backstories and wondering just who I could trust.

But once I started confiding in my beloveds, not only did my friends continually keep my spirits up, but they threw me multiple lifelines.

Sure, it was what I did once I was back in the land of the living that made all the difference, but I wouldn’t have GOTTEN there without some amazing people who did more to restore me than the world did to eat away at me.

2. More of an addition to No. 1 than a separate lesson: Nothing in your life is acquired solely on your own.

Good people are willing to help you along your journey. The best people don’t accept a payback but do request a “pay it forward.”

We may not achieve world peace, but we’ll make a damn good start.

3. I don’t have to live in a city to be happy.

I’d rather live by the beach and visit a city when I need a cultural fix. Staring at water every day is more cathartic than finding a restaurant that’s open after 8 p.m.

I don’t think SoFla is my ultimate home. That’s partially why I took a job in another town, one to which I can gravitate. It’s not a big, bustling city but it doesn’t have a beach, either. So, I’m taking my time.

But that’s OK — I’m the one calling the shots now. As it should have always been, and as it always WILL be, going forward.

4. Wearing flip-flops and jeans to work is not just a privilege; it should be a right.

I save a half-hour in the mornings where I’m not going through three pairs of pantyhose to find one with the least-conspicuous runs. High heels should only be worn during nights on the town!

5. People will treat you unfairly in life.

It happens. They will not change. Only your level of tolerance can shift.

And before you know it, you’re letting people use your hair to wipe their ass.

Don’t make fun of cultists if you feel too beaten-down to leave a job or relationship that isn’t making you healthier.

6. It’s OK to devote yourself to your career, but…

It’s wonderful to carve your niche into this world. I’ve created a specialized skill set that I am very fortunate to be able to showcase.

But damn it, I’ve busted my butt for a long time — exactly when do you put on the brakes and let yourself enjoy life?

Is it really possible to have it all? Because, while I’m so very happy right now, I want the things I’ve missed out on, too.

This is clearly a lesson I’m still working on. 🙂 Suggestions welcome!

7. Know your priorities, and accept the consequences/reap the rewards.

I got this from a Patrick Lencioni book: It’s OK to allow yourself to watch TV for an hour or two every night … just as long as you acknowledge that this is a priority for you and that it is taking the place of something else that could be enriching your life.

I love my TV time but what if I were out exercising or calling a friend or meeting the person I’m going to marry?

8. There are some very sick individuals out there. Run like hell when you encounter them!

Got this from an old Poe song: “You can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being.” Or as Ron White says, “You can’t fix stupid.” And in my experience, you can die trying.

Some people are just bound to self-destruct. Especially as a woman, I try to “save” people. And can I lose myself in the process.

Moral to the story: You’re not the one who’s nuts/inadequate/insufferable, no matter how hard someone works to convince you otherwise. It’s called projection. Or mirroring. Or schizophrenia. Run away while they are fighting with their various selves.

An abusive relationship is an abusive relationship, even if no one lays an actual finger on you. Show them YOUR finger of choice on your way out the door.

9. Sometimes, life just sucks. Deal with it.

Got this from my wonderful friend who originated the idea of this “10 lessons” post: “Not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things just happen.”

Shit happens. But so do good things. Which would you rather focus on, and attract more of?

10. It’s OK to lose your shit sometimes. It’s kinda empowering.

Scream, punch, cry, beat up a pillow, sleep with inappropriate people, have a bottle of wine for dinner, tell that crush just why they are stupid not to be in love with you, tell people exactly why they’ve driven you to distraction. You can’t be perfect every minute of every day.

Get (insert emotion) out of your system or it will start affecting your insides. There’s a reason you get (a paltry) three days’ bereavement leave when someone close to you dies — you HAVE to deal with it and not let it eat away at you over time.

We should be able to take funeral leave when we lose a pet, a relationship, or get into a fight with a friend because it’s too easy to shelve the situation and immerse ourselves in work.

Once you fully deal with whatever it is, leave it there and do whatever it takes to never, ever feel that way again.

I know, it’s a time to look forward. And, tomorrow, I will resume that. But I saw this 2009-roundup meme at Lachlan’s and just couldn’t pass up having a blog entry that writes itself!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Went to the beach. And got a tan. Seriously, first time in 35 years for both!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No resolutions other than to leave the bullshit behind me where it belongs. I’d like to finally have a bullshit-free year

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yeah, right before I met her.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My Maddie. I still can’t believe she’s gone.

5. What countries did you visit?
Never set foot outside the ol’ U. S. of A.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
The balls to call “bullshit” the second I saw/smelled it. A graceful way to put people in their place other than smiling through the insults. Disposable income would be nice. too.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Aug. 1 when Maddie died. Dec. 4 for reasons best left untyped. Dec. 8 when hope landed square on my doorstep. Dec. 25 because I made my first real friends in Florida and spent the day with them.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My arrest record remains spotless. It’s been about a year since I got a speeding ticket, too. *knock on wood*

9. What was your biggest failure?
Going off my diet. I could have been a stick figure by now. The failure, really, was letting life get to me so much that I let my joy and my health fall off the “to-do” list.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Two (back) teeth broke out of my head. Awesome. I was too busy to get it taken care of when it happened, and just haven’t gotten around to seeing what I can do about it now.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I’d say Mom’s apartment, even though it’s a lease and the money I spend keeping her alive and away from me isn’t really worth the financial panic in the end.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
*looks around* Uh …

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Hoo boy, Santa’s got a naughty list a mile long. I got really disgusted and disillusioned this year. It’s been a while since I was so utterly turned against someone, but it definitely happened. Repeatedly.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Building a new life. Not shoveling (or even seeing) snow. Wearing jeans and flip-flops every day of my life. I’m very excited about something right now, actually, but it’s too nascent to reveal just yet.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
“Florida,” by Patty Griffin.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder
b) thinner or fatter? The same
c) richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Daydreaming, drinking, dating, beaching, bonding and being in touch with my far-away friends.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Talking. Trusting. Hiding from the world because I didn’t want anyone to really know what was going on, because the people who love me would have seen right through me, had I answered their calls or reached out to them when I really needed them most.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With friends.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Fell out.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
“Grey’s Anatomy.”

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I would never stoop so low as to hate anyone, but I moved one or two to the “regard with contempt” status.

24. What was the best book you read?
I don’t remember the name, but it was some hippie, new-agey crap aimed at putting yourself in the right frame of mind to receive goodness.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Joshua Radin.

26. What did you want and get?
A new computer. My first brand-new one. (A shiny iMac.)

27. What did you want and not get?
Peace of mind. Financial security.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Haven’t been to any movies in ages.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 35 on Memorial Day. Spent the morning at a gorgeous Kimpton Hotel on the water in Vero Beach. But something went wrong with my broadcasting system and content management system, so I spent the whole f’in morning fighting with them. I had a nice stay there otherwise; just wish I had the (holi)day off.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Mom getting a job, making money and doing SOMETHING to offset the rent/bills. Me finding a man under age 70. Hell, MOM finding a man — that’s my fondest wish.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
My fashion sense declined. I’m all about tank tops, jeans and flip-flops now. I couldn’t pull together a dressy outfit anymore if I tried.

32. What kept you sane?
Wellbutrin, Klonopin, pinot noir, ocean views, church.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jon Bon Jovi.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The continued assault on reproductive rights. We won. You lost. Live with it.

35. Who did you miss?
My D.C. family — the “urban tribe.” Someone offered to pay for my way back. Which I didn’t consider at first but, hey, why not think about it? Once winter is over, of course. 😉

36. Who was the best new person you met?
B.C., and it took me 10 months to meet this person.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Just because you put a ton of thought into a decision, doesn’t mean it’s a good one. It’s those gut feelings and impulse moves that define you best. I’m letting my (beer) gut lead me this year … and I bet I’ll be a thousand times happier than I am now. Just wait and see!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“Just about a year ago,
I set out on the road,
Seeking my fame and fortune,
Looking for a pot of gold.
Things got bad, and things got worse,
I guess you will know the tune.
Oh ! Lord, Stuck in Lodi again.

“Rode in on the Greyhound,
I’ll be walking out if I go.
I was just passing through,
Must be seven months or more.
Ran out of time and money,
Looks like they took my friends.
Oh ! Lord, I’m stuck in Lodi again.”

Saw this at Ian’s. It’s been a long time since I cracked a genuine smile about anything…

Please to be using this one instead. Kthxbai.