‘Life is short, to say the least’

I never dreamed this would be the last photo I’d take of Sia. Nor that I’d be posting it in her memory, one year to the day that she left this world.

I’ll always remember us dancing and singing at the top of our lungs. Seems so unfair and yet so fitting that The Killers will be back in Miami on what would have been her next birthday. But this past year has been all about coming to terms with the unfair.

I was sobbing in the car Friday, thinking about her. Wondering what’s out there and where she is now. And a Killers song (“Runaways”) came on a station I had never heard play their music. Was that lyric “A blue-eyed girl playing in the sand” a sign from her to me?

The band was far from our only connection. But at a time when all you have left is the hope of a sign, you hold onto it fiercely.

I don’t expect this living with a Sia-shaped hole in my heart to get any easier. And I don’t know that I believe anything comes after all this. But if there is, I hope she’s able to enjoy all the best of it.

Miss you so damn much, Sia. So much.

“Be still
One day you’ll leave
Fearlessness on your sleeve.
When you come back
Tell me what did you see.
Is there something out there for me?”

— The Killers, “Be Still”

Can I Get an 'Amen'?