‘I don’t regret this life I chose for me’

December 27th, 2017, 7:29 PM by Goddess

The holiday FM station went back to playing soft rock classics. Bah humbug.

I meant to turn the dial back to NPR. (You silly kids with your fancy bluetooth and MP3s and alarm systems.) But, lazy. Also, traffic.

On the way to my captivity today, I heard Hoobastank (yeah!), Puddle of Mudd (woohoo!) and Daughtry (whee!) in a row. I may be keeping that dial stuck where I left it.

In any event, I heard Daughtry’s “Home” and enjoyed it as much as I could amid a Daytona-worthy drag race on 95. Then I stopped in Wawa. Where I got my $1 coffee AND heard “Home” again.

OK, Universe. I’m guessing this was what you wanted me to hear …

“Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don’t want.
Be careful what you wish for,
‘Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.”

— Daughtry, “Home”

I was thinking about my job (!), a job prospect (!!) and a guy I met at a party (!!!).

Wasn’t wishing for anything in particular about any of them. Rather, just trying to “savor the waiting,” as all those fancy New Age gurus and books tell you to do as the universe prepares you AND them for whatever comes next.

Imagine what life would be like with something to look forward to, instead of just trying to hold on for dear life to what you’ve got.

‘If I’m gonna be alone, let it be with you’

February 22nd, 2017, 7:59 PM by Goddess

Naturally I had to buy both versions of “We Can Always Come Back to This” from last night’s “This is Us” episode.

Listened to both on the way to work on a loop.

So many feels.

I think of my Momma too, just like William did.

I thought of someone else who would appreciate it. Posted the iTunes link on Facebook rather than saying “this would be our song if …”

He knows.


Standing at the station
We don’t know what to say
Looking out the window
As you’re rolling away
If I’m gonna be alone
Let it be with you.

Mother don’t you cry
We’re gonna be all right
Open up your suitcase
When you get there tonight
You’re not alone
I’m always
Always here with you.

No matter where we go from here
No matter how the cards will fall
I’ll pick you up
And you’ll hold me too
So don’t give up on me
I’ll never give up on you.
Everything’s gonna be all right
I know you believe it too
If I’m gonna be alone
Then let it be with you.

Look up not down
It all comes around
Even when you’re gone
We can always come back to this
We can always come back to this
We can always always always always always come back to this.

— “We Can Always Come Back to This,” written by Siddhartha Khosla and performed by Brian Tyree Henry and also by Hannah Miller

‘Come on kids, let’s all hold hands / and pretend we’re having a good time’

October 17th, 2016, 12:36 PM by Goddess

Relevant to my interests today.

‘It’s time we all reach out for something new …’

May 2nd, 2016, 9:15 AM by Goddess

I posted a video of Evanescence covering “Purple Rain” over at Faceypages. Go watch.

It’s public, so you don’t have to be my friend. Unless I’ve blocked you. In which case, sucks to be you.

That cover/song is my everything.

It’s not that Prince was my all-time favorite artist. But he was a constant for the ’60s- and ’70s-born set. No party was complete without him. Every heartbreak could find solace in his songs. He was just THERE for all of it.

“I never wanted to be your weekend lover.
I only wanted to be some kind of friend.
Baby I could never steal you from another.
It’s such a shame our friendship had to end.”

I don’t even need to look up those lyrics. I’ve sung that song a million times to a half-dozen different people. In my mind, anyway.

I got to thinking about someone as I listened and recorded and tried not to bawl. Because, holy shit Amy Lee is A-MA-ZING.

Maybe it was the culmination of someones and my brain was putting together its own video reel as I listened and tried not to collapse from the hundred-degree heat and the thousand-degree fire inside my heart.

But it always seems like I find relationship-oriented people. Just not when it comes to me.

It’s OK. I’m less of a relationship type than any of them. Maybe they figured that out about me long before I did.

Doesn’t stop the occasional moment of “what if” from punching me in the face, though.

Luckily I’m only black-and-blue on the inside. And you’ll never know I’m missing you so much right now, I can’t even breathe.

And “you” is a surprising mix of three people I never, ever thought I’d think that about. Independently or all at once.

Prayer ’16

January 22nd, 2016, 1:36 AM by Goddess

Rather than talk about what’s causing tonight’s insomnia, I’ll just use this moment of silence to honor the fact that Bon Jovi released their first single “Runaway” 32 years ago. 

Tonight I was driving home with the sunroof open (60 degrees out and six layers of clothes on) and rocking out to “Livin’ on a Prayer” on the classic rock station. 

And I had that moment where I was like, whoa. 

When the song came out in ’86, I was a pre-teen in Pittsburgh. 

Who knew that I’d be 40-something, jamming in my car on a Florida interstate to that very song? 

Still halfway there. Still Livin’ on a prayer. Still hot for Jon. Still Gina, dreaming of running away. 

What a difference 30 years doesn’t make.