‘What kind of coward was I to marry her, and not wait for you to show up?’

April 20th, 2017, 7:43 PM by Goddess

Fitz said that to Olivia on “Scandal.” On the campaign trail, days before he was elected president.

Back when I believed in legitimate presidents and love, I heard something similar.

What kind, indeed.



‘If I’m gonna be alone, let it be with you’

February 22nd, 2017, 7:59 PM by Goddess

Naturally I had to buy both versions of “We Can Always Come Back to This” from last night’s “This is Us” episode.

Listened to both on the way to work on a loop.

So many feels.

I think of my Momma too, just like William did.

I thought of someone else who would appreciate it. Posted the iTunes link on Facebook rather than saying “this would be our song if …”

He knows.

Lyrics:

Standing at the station
We don’t know what to say
Looking out the window
As you’re rolling away
If I’m gonna be alone
Let it be with you.

Mother don’t you cry
We’re gonna be all right
Open up your suitcase
When you get there tonight
You’re not alone
I’m always
Always here with you.

No matter where we go from here
No matter how the cards will fall
I’ll pick you up
And you’ll hold me too
So don’t give up on me
I’ll never give up on you.
Everything’s gonna be all right
I know you believe it too
If I’m gonna be alone
Then let it be with you.

Look up not down
It all comes around
Even when you’re gone
We can always come back to this
We can always come back to this
We can always always always always always come back to this.

— “We Can Always Come Back to This,” written by Siddhartha Khosla and performed by Brian Tyree Henry and also by Hannah Miller



‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you’

February 22nd, 2017, 7:48 AM by Goddess

The thing that makes “This is Us” so unbelievably awesome is exactly what I posted about yesterday.

I am still reeling from last night’s episode that took Randall and William to Memphis. And why?

Because the writers leave nothing on the table. They pack every brilliant idea they can find into each episode.

They know the show could be canceled at any moment. (It won’t, thank God — it’s been renewed for the next two years already.)

I cried and laughed and cried and did I mention cried? That’s how you do it. That’s the writer, the producer, the director, the talent, the EVERYTHING coming together.

I really need to sign up for Shonda Rimes’ screenwriting class. I have to. These stories aren’t telling themselves, you know.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you,” as Maya Angelou said.

And mine is killing me with each day that passes with it going untold.



‘I have no talent’

December 19th, 2015, 1:40 PM by Goddess

  
I probably shouldn’t say it. 

But that’s never stopped me before. 

Not long ago, a friend and I walked into a room. And we overpowered it. 

And I got the feeling that we are truly life forces. Where everyone else was just in a rut, a routine, a never ending circle of sameness and frustration. 

We wondered how we got so lucky not to be all of that. 

Maybe it’s external. Or maybe we just have a fire on the inside that life can’t seem to extinguish. Hard as it appears to try. 

I was at a party the other day. Half the people had no idea who I was at first. But then my big mouth gets going and I can hear people buzzing in the next room, “Goddess is here! I hear her!” And that wasn’t a bad thing, for them or me. 

All the photos of me from the past year show that I look exhausted. And I feel it. But I crave the opportunity to light up a room. And get a thousand hugs and leave people feeling a bit lighter than when I crashed their party. 

I’m not acting like God’s gift here. Plenty are annoyed that they can’t break me. I refuse to wear a bow in my hair at Christmas, for example, so I don’t hear, “Are you my present?” Because the answer is *stabstabstab.*

This week I spent some time wondering whether this girl who can’t be “gotten” by any man, well, was never really wanted by any of them in the first place. 

But I don’t think that’s entirely true. I’d just rather be alone than wish I were. 

Unfortunately it has turned out to be an either/or option, for the most part. Sure I’ve been trying to have it all. But having less than everything is ultimately nothing, don’t you agree?

Perhaps I should wish for someone who loves me as much as those who don’t really know me do. 

Of course, maybe being the girl no can have is the only thing in this world I really know how to do well. 

As Joel McHale said on “The Soup” series finale last night, “That’s what I’ve been doing for the last 11 years? I have no talent.” 

I’m with ya, brother. I’m with ya. 



Potpourri

November 20th, 2015, 7:53 AM by Goddess

The neighbors are still upstairs but not as hideous as before. I think they moved out Thundercunt and she got the furniture and the kids. Big Giant Pussy is probably enjoying his last days of having separate houses. 

She still comes over and screams, and they kept a few oil drums to drop and roll. I had seen BGP carrying out a glass dining room table top. How any glass lasted with them is beyond me … I figured they had to have smashed it all. 

Not that I’ve slept. The cat has a charming new habit of howling in my face at 3, 4 and/or 5 a.m. and won’t quit till she gets wet food. 

I have so many thoughts on my brain that have nothing to do with this place or work. Like last night’s “Scandal.” 

I was so thrilled that Shonda had Mellie filibuster the Senate to preserve Planned Parenthood funding. But the best part was at the end when Olivia was on the table. 

I was on Twitter and I was reminded of just how many of us instantly recognized that machine. You don’t forget those things. You know what’s in you will soon be in it, the moment the button is pressed and the whirring begins. 

I mean, I’m sure the wingnuts will be denouncing the episode, the storylines, the fact that women are people with careers, limited means and functional minds of our own. But the story needed to be told, and it was told beautifully. 

The fight she had with Fitz immediately after, I got it. I developed rage after my time. Actually I probably always had the rage; I just failed to be able to contain it after that. 

But you don’t want the repuglicans to recognize that. You just thank god the option was there for you, and shake your head in disgust that they try every day of every year to make sure no one else gets to spend that $400-ish (that the government does NOT cover) to invest in their own future. 

You know what good came out of it for me? I got a whole lot better at impulse control and decision-making. 

The bad that came out of it is a lingering sense of regret that what I gave up would have been better than what I got in exchange.