Buckle up. ‘Cause we are going all the fuck over the board today.
In case you’ve forgotten him, and lord how I’ve tried, I got some gossip yesterday about him. Nasty-ass motherfucker. Ugh. My psychic mom always told me to give him a chance. But he got a little bit too forceful with me once and she gave up the crusade.
I was NEVER a fan and figured he’d be a Stage 5 Clinger. Which, if you know Gemini girls, we prefer to be alone than wish we were.
Well what I learned yesterday would have made potential abuser/clinger seem like fucking heaven in comparison. Fleas … threesomes … hitting on barely legal people … paying for apartments for girls while married to someone else … toenail clipping collection … ugh.
Like my friend CK used to say, he’s the kind who’s fine with two tits, a hole and a heartbeat. And as I want to add here, heartbeat optional.
I need several hot showers. And I didn’t even let him touch me.
We are in the shadow period of a three-planet retrograde cycle starting at month-end. This one is set to bring all things old into light. But not the “bad” old things. Just unfinished business.
And who has more unfinished business than me, the goddess of all things but especially relationships and other general procrastination?
I have a FB message from one of my lost loves. He was looking for my new address. I never gave it. (It’s been six months — I finally read the message this week.)
It could have been so he could send me a Christmas card. Maybe it was for something way more special.
Somehow I prefer not knowing. That way I can leave it in my imagination. Where it belongs.
Vacation, all I ever wanted
You read that right. After four years of giving up 28 vacation days, I am taking two next week. Wednesday and Thursday.
I will work from a hotel on Friday. Which isn’t fun but I also don’t want to screw over my favorite helper by being AWOL on the most-insane day of the week.
Mom, who’s sick and can’t walk 20 paces without being in pain, suggested going to Epcot for a day. I mean, I have to drop her off at store entrances and she’s winded by the time I find the one item I can afford inside Whole Foods. So, this will be interesting.
My favorite ride Soarin’ is closed for repairs and the Food & Wine Festival isn’t happening till the fall. But still.
I don’t know if this is a good sign or a last hurrah. But count me in.
I found out one of my friends has been battling breast cancer. But I’ve got so much going on that no one wanted to burden me with it.
Memo to friends: I’d rather hear from you than the users and abusers who think my job is to listen to them whine. Help a girl keep her priorities straight, please.
Today would be the 40th birthday of one of my college friends. Who died from breast cancer many years ago. What I wouldn’t give to have known so I could have told her I loved her.
Also — talk about good friends. A bunch of us met up yesterday and we were talking about all of us heading north where they live. But unknown to me, they all asked each other, “Is Goddess still driving her grandfather’s car? Let’s pick a place close to her so she doesn’t have to be on the road very long.”
I don’t know whether to be touched or embarrassed. I’m going with touched. Who else would think that way, other than my friends?
Even though I said that was unnecessary and I’d go to the ends of the earth to meet them, well, I appreciated it more than they could ever know.
When we all parted ways, I stayed behind for a little while longer. Had to find mom some dinner since I was away all day and she won’t feed herself. Took a long walk around Downtown and ended up on a little wooden bridge over a little wishing well type thing.
I had two pennies on me. I tossed one in and did my usual wish for mom’s health to improve. It’s every waking thought in my head. (Other than the ones where I let myself wonder what life will be like when this is no longer an issue. Upon which I want to kill myself for going there.)
My second penny was going to be the same.
But then the most adorable little girl walked past me. Tiny and cute. She actually said “excuse me” and waved at me once she got across the bridge.
Kids don’t do that around here. They are usually spoiled little assholes who are driving brand-new Beamers and Audis by their 16th birthdays.
And it got me to thinking — after our conversations earlier in the day — how much I miss love.
Three out of the four of us were dating/married to someone at work. Each of us lived through a layoff or firing of some sort. Each total bullshit when you think of the Soccer Ball to the Skull types who hang in there.
Two of the three of us had the relationships outlast the decisions that were made for us.
I was not in the majority.
Sure, we kept it going. For a while. But he was a gentleman who wanted to pay for things so the get-togethers got fewer. There were other issues, like the fact that I sort of had a foot out the door already. But, details.
Anyway, I used my second penny to say I’m ready for my next shot at love.
Funny how no one ever knew about that. Or another. Or still another. I don’t talk about them. I had two friends in town recently and they were blown away when I said I was with someone else for X amount of time and that it was over.
They were all like, does a relationship even exist if it’s not on Facebook?
For me, it’s been the only way. But my wish is to have one I feel like I CAN share with the world.
This retrograde cycle is supposed to involve Venus and love. And old hearts and flames. And, I’m hoping, new ones. Many, many new ones …