Caterwauling

My pastor’s wife came to chat with me before services started. It’s eerie how much information this woman holds in her head about all of us, me included. The questions she thinks to ask, the things she follows up on from several weeks/months ago, the armchair psychology she can perform … it’s astounding that either she’s that brilliant or I’m that memorable. Or, both.

Anyway, she told me I looked great today. I just said thanks and she guessed pretty much every reason why. It was nice to have someone share in my little stack of joys. Hey, it’s a little stack, but it’s still a stack nonetheless!

Speaking of all things (not) joyous, I just paid my latest traffic ticket online. And not only did the form remember my information from the last three tickets in the past six months, but it also ends with this nice, friendly message:

We look forward to serving you again.

Yes, I’m aware you are thrilled at the idea of siphoning even more cash from my coffers that could have gone toward charity or, OK, alcohol, but still.

You know how you can serve me? By eating me. Jesus H. I don’t need an invitation to come back soon, mmkay? Am already a frequent guest, can’t'cha tell?

Just want to thank Ian Usher for putting Dido’s “Life for Rent” in my head with his Life for Sale auction.

I give him credit. I really do. Just selling everything he owns along with a shot at his job so he can jump on a train and go somewhere, anywhere but there? Sounds pretty kickass to me.

“I’ve always thought
That I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
And live more simply
I have no idea what’s happened to that dream
‘Cause there’s really nothing left here to stop me.”

– Dido, “Life for Rent“

I wish I at least had the dream house and the furniture and all the neat stuff (spa, jetskis, car) to go with it. I would put my life up on eBay in a heartbeat.

Of course, my auction item would have to be non-refundable, as I presume the winner would spend one week at my job and with my mother and would be at their lawyer’s office, trying to find the suicide clause that would get me to forfeit their money or else they’d have to kill themselves after walking a mile in my stylish little shoes.

See, I’m no dummy — by the time my life auction would end, I would either be in witness protection or at least faking my death and living my life with a babushka on my head so no one would recognize me.

In any case, good luck to you, Ian, and I hope the future holds all the wonderful things that the present certainly doesn’t. I hope we hear about you again … good things, of course. If you should find your way to Washington, D.C., we’ll take wonderful care of ya. …

This one was based on birthdate, so it may or may not apply to other Geminis:

“Someone who lives fairly close to you has stronger feelings for you than you think. You might not even know this person very well, Goddess, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself attracting some rather goofy looks from him today. Whether you decide to pursue this attraction or not, of course, depends on your situation. However, you need to be prepared to deal with it in one way or another.”

This is assuming, of course, that I would even pull my head out of my butt long enough to notice …

Bizarre day. It’s going quickly, but it’s filled to the brim with oddity.

Got my first, bona-fide fan letter in this realm. Also got (not the first) a quite unhinged, combative and misguided one that someone is answering for me. It’s challenging to not tell someone they’re full of shit when, well, they’re full of shit. And they like to keep replying back to say they’d be better at this job than, oh, say the EXPERTS in the job.

Good luck with that. Think I haven’t ridden shotgun on a psychotropic hayride before? Puh-leeze.

My new plan is to get those virtual-reality helmets for people, but instead create “reality” helmets. Slap ‘em on people who can’t make deadlines or those who shouldn’t be wandering this world unsupervised and give them a big ol’ reality check. (Or an electric jolt. Whichever.) If they miss deadline or act like a douchebag, the helmet locks in place and stays on for one week. Is there a patent on that yet?

Speaking of folk who could use a lil religion, the sin list is growing, courtesy of the Vatican. (Link courtesy of Goddess Sabre.)

One thing I agree with, on paper anyway:

“Father Antonio Pelayo, a Spanish priest and Vatican expert noted that it is time for both sinners and confessors to get over their obsession with sex and think about other ways humans hurt each other in the world in which they live.”

Amen to that one. Sex is necessary! Sex is awesome! Sex should not be a sin! Shit, I would venture a bet that there have been orgasms that have prevented shooting sprees. (And I’m just talking about me.)

I think people are hardwired to please themselves and, if it’s at the expense of others, then oh well. So, yeah, maybe you can’t make mean-spiritedness a mortal sin, but if adultery only hurts three or four people, and an act of cruelty can wipe out a city, perhaps “hurting others” (physically or emotionally) should swap places with coveting thy neighbor or thy neighbor’s spouse? I wouldn’t argue with that.

Moving on.

And what I disagree with?

… “(the) widening social and economic differences between the rich and the poor that ’cause an unbearable social injustice’”

I mean, not to imply that I’m not churchmouse-poor and all, but wealth as a venial sin? That’s pretty ambitious. Last I checked, we can’t take it with us anyway. And one of Sabre’s commentors pointed out very clearly that the Catholic church is pretty wealthy, is it not? (Excluding all those pesky priests-fondling-altar-boys lawsuits.)

Now, see, that’s where I really take it personally. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but it bugs the boojabbers out of me how all these churches are up their attendees’ asses for bigger and better donations of both money and time. I mean, isn’t church where the tired, huddled masses can go for hope? I stay home when I’m out of money because I feel guilty that I ain’t got nothin’ to give. And when you’re down on your luck, whether it’s living on the streets or simply having a “Calgon, take me away!” episode, shouldn’t the first place you feel you CAN turn be your church?

Oh well. Just another attempt by the Catholic church to pretend it’s still relevant. I can see George Carlin’s character in “Dogma” chanting, “Catholicism Wow!”

Considering that the cat shit in my shoes this morning and I had to roll up my pants and clean poo off my legs, toes, feet and a multicolor rug that she left a very-stinky yet colorless streak on, the day hasn’t turned out too badly.

But the problem with wishing for the day to just end already means that you’re just leaving more work for another day. And considering that I only have a couple of days left on some big deadlines, I’m not wont to wish away this workday because this is going to hang over my head all weekend and into next week.

Not much else to say other than that the holiday season is here and I am not looking forward to it. Not one bit. There’s officially no reason left to celebrate. I’d be happy if the whole season would just forget to happen. And hell, since Wal-Mart started discounting its Christmas items before Halloween even hit, it might just pass by unnoticed. I hope so, anyway.

It’s weird — I’m not unhappy. I just don’t feel that I’m overly happy. though. I’ve got my joy intact — I’m just not overjoyed.

I notice with some folks, they have incredible focus, and I envy them that. I know people who work hard and play hard and don’t let the two overlap. I work hard when inspiration strikes (my job has become a very creative one and that means sometimes packing up for the day without one real, tangible piece of output) but I obsess over things I didn’t manage to do when it comes to playtime. And because playtime isn’t balls-out enjoyable, I feel blah when I’m supposed to be focusing on the important things.

So, I’m going to come up with five things that make me happy, and I’m going to do all of them this weekend. Maybe I’ll even throw in one or two things I’ve never done before, just to shake things up. And I’m going to focus on those moments and thoroughly enjoy them even if it kills me.