Decision fatigue, analysis paralysis … just give me a damn break already

August 29th, 2011, 9:59 AM by Goddess



Toes

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Whenever I question whether living in Florida is right for me, a sign comes along … this time in the form of a reminder that sand is an integral part of our dress code.

Reminds you that everything else is so much less important!

Was just reading an article in the NYT about “decision fatigue.” Not that this is a new concept, by any means. (How many of us stare at stock charts all day and DON’T walk away with “analysis paralysis”? Same thing.)

I giggled at the line toward the end that you shouldn’t restructure your company at 4 p.m. (A subtle reminder to those who did exactly that, at a frequency of every two months.)

But really, what spoke to me the most was how it affects us po’ folk, especially those of us who SHOULDN’T be dancing on the poverty line because we are fine decision-makers when it comes to other people’s business … but not when it comes to our own.

The concept of trade-offs fascinated me. I mean, I argue with myself at every hour of every day about something. Usually about food. And by the time the end of the day hits, I am so sick of substitutions for what I really want, and bartering at great length (whether with myself or others) about every possible outcome of every damn decision I have to make, that the array of choices, simply, kills me.

Yesterday was a great example. Took the UEOEH from outer space to her favorite bakery, whereupon she gleefully spent my Groupon (and then some). I was good — I ate healthily all day. But come 9 p.m., I was so tired of resisting the big-ass box of treats that I went straight for the chocolate-peanut-butter cupcake. I had half of it, but even that portion was big as my thigh.

Anyway, I’ve been feeling bad that I have some colleagues who work at night and send me e-mails then. But I can’t do it. My ass is off the computer at a reasonable hour. I’m up early and will give everything I’ve got when I’m around. But I know at the end of the night I am all about the, “Fuck it, do whatever you want” response. (Then they get e-mails in the morning with, “Hey, that question you asked? This is what I want.”) Why not skip the middle conversation and reply once?

Same with bowing out of a freelance assignment. God I have argued myself exhausted over whether that was the latest in a string of stupid decisions. My gut says it’s fine. My heart is willing to go along with it. But tell that to my brain.

But that’s the idea behind the article. That rich people don’t make as many trade-offs as the rest of us do. That they can start businesses and have them fail and just ride their little trust funds or ask the parents for the rent this month. Everything is life-or-death for the rest of us. One bad decision means a thousand other things to fix. One bad food choice today can lead to a lifetime of poor eating habits if that’s always the thing that goes to the bottom of the list in importance.

Blame it on the glucose if you must, but it’s good to realize there actually is a biological reason why the most mentally exhausted among us, who are responsible for everyone and everything around us, completely fall down on the job when it comes to our own health and happiness.

Just goes to show that life is all about self-preservation. It’s OK to make a decision simply by NOT making one. That big-ass box of cupcakes in my fridge may ruin my chances of fitting back into my favorite jeans, but if it keeps my mind awake and my mood somewhere above “suicidal,” then Michelle Obama had better add room on her “Food Plate” for frosting.

Of course, with that attitude, how am I going to fit in the dress I bought for this “toes in the sand” event? I already went a size smaller than I should have. Damn it, why can’t a racing mind burn calories the same way a racing body does?



‘Don’t think anybody’s gonna miss me anyway’

August 17th, 2011, 1:06 PM by Goddess



Key Lime Freeze, Key West

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

“Only worry in the world
Is the tide gonna reach my chair.”

– Zac Brown & Jimmy Buffett, “Knee Deep”

“Got my toes in the water
Ass in the sand
Not a worry on my mind
A cold beer in my hand
Life is good today.”

– Zac Brown Band, “Toes”

I keep watching my friend posting photos and “where I’m drinking beer right now” status updates from Key West and even though I only live a couple hours north, I’m so jealous. :)

It’s been a challenging week here. And it’s not even half-over. Chaos all around. I gave notice at an assignment I love but think it’s best to give up. Then I got a note that another job can’t afford to pay me right now.

I feel good though. I’ll live. Really, by the time you endure all of life’s little surprises, you can take the next round of them in stride. Just as long as I don’t regret any of my decisions, things will be fine.

Don’t think I’m taking the easy way out. I’m going for the “less money but working harder” route. And if, waiting at the end, is a lovely Key Lime Freeze like the one pictured at my favorite stop in Mallory Square? That’s all the motivation I need.



Winning at life’s lottery

July 24th, 2011, 10:26 AM by Goddess



‘Stuck’ in traffic

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

My life is good. It really is.

The thing about social media is that you tend to find yourself in a dither because “everyone else” is supposedly living the good life.

But … two things:

1. They’re actually being pretty honest about the things they’re struggling with (kids, cancer, etc.).

2. I’m the asshole posting pics of MY fabulous little life … because it IS.

So this week I was thrilled to have something to deposit into the ol’ account. And you would think that, with money in the bank, I’d feel better, yes? That rent time is coming up and I HAVE IT. Woo!

But no, not really. I found myself shaking as I made the deposit, partially hoping the checks clear and mostly hoping the money LASTS till the next batch arrives, whenever that may be.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt secure. It’s a total lack of faith; I know it. I guess I’ve just seen God forsake better people than me, and it’s very hard to assume He will bail out my ungrateful ass when His most-earnest followers have gone from rearing kids with disabilities to finding a tumor to getting a divorce — and that’s just ONE person.

Yeah, my life is small. But it’s mine and I really do love it.

Having the Uber Mega Super Dooper Ultra Heavy-Flow-Day houseguest-type person is a double-edged sword. I often swear that the only reason any grace is shown to me is because I have to live with Debbie Downer. I can never have a mood so good that it can’t completely fizzle within three minutes of being at home.

I love her — I do. I may want to go all Casey Anthony on her sometimes, but every once in a while I’ll be overcome with a wave of appreciation for something she says or does. And besides, I could have otherwise spent my living years with some dopey ass man whose every little word or action aggravates the shit out of me. So, in the lottery of life, I could have done far worse.

Anyway, I say all of this because of all the tragedy happening in the world in the past 24 hours. The bombing and then mass shooting OF CHILDREN in Norway. The shooting at a roller rink in Texas. The Russian riverboat that sank. The train crash in China. Even more deaths in Afghanistan. This alone accounts for, like 250 gone. At least.

That doesn’t even include Amy Winehouse’s passing, which is about the only thing dominating social media right now. Which is just a damn shame (the death, not the fact that people who know nothing about her are judging her), given that she had more talent at 27 — and got to do what she LOVED for a living — than the rest of us will experience in a lifetime.

So yeah, I haven’t been in the “wrong place at the wrong time.” I didn’t lose any of my life (or all of it) to addiction. I didn’t marry wrong or get saddled with kids I know I wouldn’t have been able to parent. I have my health and a fair portion of my sanity. Plus, I have what’s left of my youth. I’m not 60 and having an identity crisis — I’m still at a point where, if things suck, I can change them.

If Charlie Sheen can proclaim that he’s #winning and then go and get a new TV show, well damn then. At the very least, I can wake up every day and look forward to tomorrow, right?

O She of Little Faith, take a look around and appreciate it every day, mmmkay? Get that new laptop and take it to the Keys and never, ever look back. Other people have WAY BIGGER problems than you. Keep praying for them and keep thanking God for everything you have and, best of all, everything you DON’T.



24 hours in the Keys

July 18th, 2011, 1:11 PM by Goddess



Sunset Grille

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

Had to work Saturday morning but I got to spend 24 glorious hours in the Keys with the best friends a girl could ask for.

We had a host of things to celebrate — our fantastic, favorite, fabulous Philadelphian (whom I won’t insult by spelling any “F” words with “Ph” — I wouldn’t do that to my favorite former Florida girl. Anyway…) — flew down to visit our friend who just moved to the Keys. And the other two of us who still live on the mainland came down to surprise her.

We have so much to celebrate — a new home (with the Gulf of Mexico as the backyard!), two engagements, a string of birthdays and, well, awesome friendships.

Seriously, there was so much happiness I could just shit. ;)

We ate (brie-stuffed filet mignon for me), we drank (three, or maybe it was four, coconut mojitos — again, for me), we didn’t sleep but we greeted the sunset over the Florida Straits and the sunrise over the Gulf. There may have been another meal in there and some swimming for our earliest arrival and then shopping (and drinking Baby’s Coffee just outside Key West) for the last of us to leave. What more does a girl need?

I read somewhere that optimistic people lose weight faster than depressed people. I wonder if the corollary (or whatever fancy-schmancy word fits here) would hold true, then, that depressed people fatten up faster? Because the shrimp and cheese omelet at the Stuffed Pig and pie from the Key West Key Lime Pie Co. went to my ass faster than a normal person’s, I swear!

I want to move to the Keys. The pace is slow, the people are sweet, the island life is so detached from the mainland that it’s like being in a different country.

But I wonder whether I would grow to take it for granted. Or go nuts because civilization isn’t a 10-minute drive away (since I already live on the beach but in a way-more-populated area).

But then you look at a sunset like this, and know that any commute you have is on a highway like the one pictured, and it’s no wonder that the literary figures who also served as the characters in “Midnight in Paris” inhabited this charming area. I wouldn’t mind being the next Hemingway (without the tragic, gory demise, of course).

This is my happy place. I can’t wait to go back. Next weekend, anyone? ;)



Swings and roundabouts

June 1st, 2011, 10:50 AM by Goddess

There’s a phrase I hear from time to time in my industry, “swings and roundabouts.”

Basically it’s a way of saying something is a Catch-22, although it’s more balanced. In other words, to get something, you gotta give something.

Like, you have to exchange “having time to do fun things” for “getting the money to do fun things.” They’re kind of mutually exclusive, like if you have to give up “staying in your jammies all day” to “get a job.”

You see where this is going, yes?

Anyway, I’m swinging today. (That sounds a bit more interesting than it really is!) Rather, I’m enjoying the free time and the living in mah jammies because I think my soul has grown back enough to start roundabouting. Perks of working from home aside, little things like life’s little luxuries — and the big things, too — have been a little challenging to maintain and I’d like to think about reintegrating the ones that have fallen off the “necessities” list.

Everyone, if you’re so inclined, please light a money candle (green) for me if you get a chance, mmkay? I’ll take you to dinner when it can be on me again, I promise!