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May 25th, 2018, 11:46 AM by Goddess

“Write the ache,” my playwright friend says.

I went six weeks without writing here. Perhaps due to lack of ache. More likely, due to not wanting one.

Today I turn the age that coincides with the number of the last legitimate president this country had.

It’s been a week of celebrations and sugar skull themed gifts from my beloveds.

A week of royal wedding themed treats and new restaurants and a well earned (half) day off.

A week of wine and the world’s best cake and key lime pie.

The only thing that would make today better would be an indictment from the Mueller camp.

I’d love to say I want to write more, but I really don’t. I was inspired at a young age by the Transcendentalists, that the unexamined life isn’t worth living. But you know what? Spending less time examining and more time enjoying it ain’t so bad.

Seeya on the flipside. Maybe.



Being Milton

February 22nd, 2018, 6:17 AM by Goddess

When I was told in November that my job was eliminated, I joked that I’d still keep showing up to work — either at the current place or the company that was buying our assets — in hopes that eventually they’d start paying me.

Me and my little red stapler down in Storage Room B.

So it’s only fitting that I moved into a new office on Tuesday. An office that used to be our storage room.

It’s official. Forget being Viola. I am Milton Waddams.

To be fair, the office had already been cleared out a week earlier for the owner. It’s pretty nice, actually. Spacious and with a wall of windows.

He decided I should have it.

Yesterday he came looking for me. He was so pleased to see me in there. Said he loved how I arranged it. Said I deserved it.

He also thanked me for a project I rushed through earlier in the day. I said no problem; you made it easy. He said, well, you make everything easy.

It was a nice moment. And in that moment, I was happy I decided to stay.



Epilogue to the Major Life Decision

February 18th, 2018, 12:46 PM by Goddess

I’m done debating and going 10 rounds on my latest Major Life Decision. But I have one last thing to say on the topic …

When we sold my company to another company, they interviewed each of us and came up with a shortlist of who would be hired. Out of 50 people eligible, they only took five.

I learned this week that there was actually a sixth name on every iteration of that list.

Mine.

I was wondering. I used to work there. My interviews went well. There was really no reason why they wouldn’t scoop me up. I knew which division I wanted to go to (back to D.C., if you can believe it) and there was really no reason why they didn’t make me a formal offer.

I figured it was because LVP was badmouthing me. But I got it on good authority that getting a good reference from that one might have been more harmful than a bad one.

Then it dawned on me that the other company’s rejection came at the same time I was invited to stay where I am.

Coincidence? Not a chance.

My boss had the power to set everyone’s start dates at the new gig. I’m sure he had the power to make sure I never got offered one at all.

Pretty tricky. I like it.

Look, I’ll never stop having a lot to say about all the decision-making I’ve felt the brunt of, this past year. But I am going to stop saying it, starting today. This is it.

Yesterday would have been my last day there. I consider Tuesday to be my start date. Which, technically, it is.

I wouldn’t say everything changes. But I’m officially a big boss now. And I have a whole lot of people looking toward me for inspiration. Not the least of which is the big boss himself.

There’s a rumor going around that I never had another opportunity — that this was all some sort of stunt. Whether it was on his part to sell me as a leader, or on my part to get power. No one knows. But they sure do like to talk.

My guess is the boss never believed I would walk. And maybe the others with an opinion are jealous. But as a fellow director said to me, thank God you stayed. You care. They figure only good can come from that.

Now I start my new career and life. I celebrated with a new iPhone for me and a new Samsung for Mom. And I’ll celebrate further by moving us away from the ignorant cunt upstairs. And, if I can hang around long enough, look out Paris — I’m coming for you.

I hope it will all be worth it. At the very least, I am finally at peace with it.



Paris and mountains

February 17th, 2018, 11:18 AM by Goddess

Had dinner with my old boss last night. Not any of the crazy-useless men; this is the 29-year-old female who starts her new job on Tuesday. The one I never dreamed I would like and respect so much. The one who helped me to get to where I am today.

We had beer and fries, as we do when we are together. We also share a birthday — and it’s strange to believe there’s a 15-year age gap, because we are so alike.

Even if this brief friendship ends here, it already gave us so much more than a lifetime of knowing another person could.

She was proud of me that I hooked up my would-be boss with a gal who used to report to me. I said I really had her spirit in my heart when that all came together. We girls have to look out for each other, and do.I also got to make a job offer to another girl who used to work for both of us. At a real salary this time. All she has to do is accept it.

We fist-bumped and ordered another round. To JT. To MC. To DE., who couldn’t make it because she bought a last-second plane ticket to see her daughter at college before her own new job starts Tuesday.

To us. To wherever life takes us next.

“Sometimes, sometimes we can see beyond our history
The last place you hope to find
The one that´s been there all the time.

Sometimes, sometimes we can swim beyond the scenery
And the first place that’s on your mind
The first place you´d find each time.”

— Beth Orton, “Paris Train”

The card I gave her had mountains on the front — something she dreams of seeing. It said the journey of a thousand steps isn’t the hard part; it’s the first one that’s a real doozy. We laughed over that.

We both got what we wanted. Control for me, freedom for her. A complete switch from this time last week.

I should say, we both got what we wanted NEXT. After that, she’s in search of mountains. As for me, I said Paris is what I want.

I opened up about Sia. How her mom had houses in Paris and Germany; how she was going to show me Europe. But alas, our workaholic ways kept us apart. And one day, she went to step on a plane out of Vancouver and her heart gave out.

In a way, mine did too. I stopped dreaming about Paris because I didn’t have anyone to go with, anymore.

My friend said save your money, and get your ass to Paris. If that’s what you get out of your new job, it will be worth it.

We hugged tightly and parted ways. Maybe forever, maybe for a few weeks. She’s moving to my old stomping grounds and I’m planning to move to hers. But we’ll always have Ireland — well, rather, the Irish bar right-smack at the halfway point that we love so much.

What an awesome/awful year behind us both. And what a wonderful/ridiculous one ahead. If we can just stay focused on where we want to be at the end of it, we will turn out OK once again.



Being Viola

February 15th, 2018, 8:43 AM by Goddess

“You wanted to be where you are
But it looked much better from afar
A hillside in shadow between the people and the stars

Twelfth night, we go
After something everyone should know
Somewhere in the distance out of sight.”

— Gin Blossoms, “Pieces of the Night”

I feel like Viola, the heroine of “Twelfth Night.” To recall the “Shakespeare in Love” movie ending that set up the coming of that play, I feel like her as she married her rich king and sailed off to America with him … while leaving her beloved poet behind.

The torture she felt. The knowing she would love this man until she left this mortal coil. The sadness at how she didn’t feel anywhere near the same way about the man with whom she was about to start a new life.

And her grace at being able to say goodbye … to remind Will to redirect his sorrow into magnificent prose … to steel herself for the journey ahead, and whatever joy and sadness it would bring.

I will always miss my “Will.” And though my “king” is a great man, it hurt to matchmake T. with someone else.

It’s over now. It was the moment I drove to his office to withdraw my acceptance of his offer.

Time to stop looking back, and to start looking ahead at my chosen path.

And now, I sail on.