The sound of silence

March 30th, 2016, 12:17 PM by Goddess

No, I’m not referring to the Ben Affleck meme where he’s zoning out to the Simon & Garfunkel hit. 

I’m talking about when I get to the point where I don’t have anything to say that will do a situation any favors. 

I thought of a friend who would appreciate the story I can’t talk about right now. And then I figured that it would just turn into a mutual masturbation of complaining. And my capacity for compassion for anyone but myself right now is at about a negative 2 on the sliding scale. 

The madder I get, the quieter I get. And the kinder I get. Which may sound weird but when you’ve been hurt for the thousandth time while you’ve done nothing but sacrifice time, pride and privacy for the greater good, well. I could implode or I could show kindness to humans and animals who have been shown even less. 

Every thing moves us to our next levels. I intend to level up. And I suspect it will be pretty lonely up there. Which is pretty much exactly how I want it right now. 



Vortex

March 22nd, 2016, 4:00 PM by Goddess

I’m so bummed.

I had a friend in my work building back in 2009. We started here at the same time.

We both left and both returned at the same time in 2014.

Today he told me Idiot Landlord shit-canned him. His last day is Thursday.

Reminds me of the joyful people who shit-canned me the day after Christmas so many years ago. Way to celebrate Good Friday/Easter weekend.

These fools want to raise the rent 20%. But losing my buddy will make it suck 20% more. I should think that alone would justify a discount.

I’m trying very hard not to think about the Weakest Link on Team Awesome. How the guy who manages my building and removes my trash is more cooperative, thoughtful, hard-working, eager to complete a project and think a few steps ahead, make someone’s life easier, or basically just be pleasant and valuable in general that that toadstool who makes it a point to tell me that “they are to be told if they are needed past a certain hour” (cough cough FIVE P.M.) but that shit don’t come out when they are cc’ing the higher-paid set.

In any event. It makes me sad when people love their jobs and try very hard to do excellent work get let go, while others who aren’t worth much more than dog shit on a shoe will “stick” around forever and stink up the place.



Bless his idiot heart

January 13th, 2016, 3:49 PM by Goddess

I was in traffic today when the guy beside me started laying on his horn.

Scared the shit out of me.

We both stopped at the red light. (I was shocked he stopped, even though we have red-light cameras there. It’s a school zone and a retirement community all in one.)

But I am sick of people’s shit. So I looked over and said, “What?!”

He pointed to the car in front of him that was already through the light. He made dramatic gestures and started to roll down his window.

I shrugged and said, “SO?!?!”

And I ignored him after that.

I mean if you are upset that other people are alive and breathing and driving, get off my roads. And quit making everyone nervous because you and your expensive car are SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT than the rest of us.

Sure enough, when the light changed, he floored it and cut off about five people.

My standard reaction is to just say, “Bless his idiot heart.” It works in traffic, in stores, when watching reality TV, and on phone calls when people try to be smartasses and try to get your goat.

I get their game. Homey ain’t playin’ it.

This goat cannot be gotten. Sorry, drive through.

Bless your little idiot heart and may God get you out of my path sooner rather than later. With any luck, you won’t hurt yourself or anyone else on your merry way.



Tummy-ache twins

January 4th, 2016, 6:15 PM by Goddess

I was all dressed up and ready to leave the house for work today. And then the train took off and I am still talking and typing from my bed 10-ish hours later. With no end in sight.

It’s all good.

I cracked the whip all over the place today and I think it hit me in the head a few times. Without getting into it too deeply, I’m sick of the “tummy-ache twins.”

If there’s a deadline or a problem or whatever, they get a tummy-ache. One will give you the excuse the second you ask (and you ALWAYS have to ask), and the other will wait four days to say he had a boo-boo but he’s all better now.

I had the metaphorical “doormat” tattoo removed over the holiday. You want mummy to give you Vapo-Rub? Tough titty, said the kitty.

We’ll see how long they last.

I have said this phrase one million times in my life: I will kiss your ass till I have to kick it.

Well, Mummy’s got some new boots and she ain’t afraid to use ’em.

Also, it’s too cold for flip-flops right now. Maybe that’s a good thing. For all of us.



Breaking bad thoughts

January 2nd, 2016, 4:46 PM by Goddess

It’s been a staycation for the new year. Between my anxiety and the cat’s ass and mom’s pain, I’ve taken this opportunity to drink as much wine as my liver can process, from the comfort of my couch. 

My heartburn has been at bay till I had my first self-defeating thought of the new year. So my body violently reacts to bad things. I never knew that about myself. 

Something else I didn’t know is that it is counterproductive to share your resolutions. That’s because you get the positive feedback when you make them publicly. So who needs to achieve them, then?

From The Atlantic:

  
So I made a list in a Notepad doc this year. 

I should probably add “redirect those self-defeating thoughts.” I just hope it isn’t too late to achieve it now that I’ve typed it out loud.