This is a test

May 24th, 2016, 6:30 PM by Goddess

The universe tests me with my mouth. I know this and I know I have to not say shit even if I have a mouthful of it. 

But …

This kid I agreed to have pawned off on me is about 10 cherry tomatoes short of a salad. 

I gave this person an editing test. The reply was swift: “Like a managing editor? Like the job you’ll give me in July?”

This person is 100% serious and asked when I will know their start date. Uh … 

The same job that doesn’t exist and never will at this point. 

Singalong time!


May 21st, 2016, 9:31 AM by Goddess

When I interview people, I look for basic courtesies. The ability to tell a good story. The feeling that this person has the capability of having my back and not plunging a knife through it. The hope that tough situations will be made more bearable by their presence and assistance.

The last few times I hired, that’s what I hired. I think it worked out for the best, for the most part. One ended up having zero talent beyond being a nice person. Another had mad talent but fell off the grid and proved to be a bit on the unreliable side. And the third is still with me, keeping me sane for the most part.

I had the chance to interview someone recently. I absolutely wanted nothing to do with this person going into it. No manners. No grace. No access to a shower that morning, apparently. Just, all-around bleah.

The interview was OK. Showered, check. I didn’t see effort as far as dress or other preparation. And someone needs to put a shock collar on that one to notify them when they say something that makes me go, “Did they just say that?” And I’m not even a formal type of person. Because, let’s count the stupid things I say in a day. Hmmm. …

Anyway, I got to wondering whether I would do better managing someone who has no redeeming social qualities. 

I mean, the people who are nice and reasonable AND talented are the best. But I don’t know about the people I’ve been encountering lately. You either get smarts or experience or talent or grace or personality. You don’t get them all.

I think this one could eventually learn to be anything other than a social Asperger’s case. I did not hold back in telling them (nicely) what they were doing that would piss off any reasonable interviewer type. 

This one has a level of delusion about reality in general and their own abilities in particular that concerned even me.

On the other hand, I wonder if the secret to really being an effective mentor is to not particularly care for the person. 

Like, you can care about them but not for them. 

I shared my wisdom as articulately as I could. I really didn’t care as much how it was received. Whereas with others, I said what had to be said but I was also concerned that their sensitivity would mean they didn’t take it for what it was worth (and use it).
I look at a friend who was let go recently. He was kind of everyone’s buddy rather than their boss. So they brought in someone who is more boss-like and less “someone who does the same kind of work and understands the type of people who are doing that work.”

Of course, I also see the wrong people sucking up to the new person and making things difficult for the rest of the team that actually is valuable.

I don’t know. I want to believe in being stronger together. But you really are an island in the end. And I want dragons in my moat from now on so people don’t get too close and, ultimately, drag me down with them.

There’s always the hope you can bring them up to your level. I will always have that hope. And that’s what made me invest SO MUCH in so many. But in the end, the cheese stands alone — at least at review time. And harmony does not necessarily equal profitability. And the hole in the cheese’s heart grows a little bigger because of it.

I don’t know if Stinky Cheese will become part of the charcuterie platter. But I do have a feeling that if anybody can beat them into submission, or at least destroy their dreams and/or delusions, it’ll be me.

Just leaving this here

May 12th, 2016, 2:58 PM by Goddess

I don’t know if it’s the planetary retrograde, but the phrase “a culture of ‘can’t be bothered'” is repeating in my brain like an endless feedback loop.

Part of it is because of some human “doorstop” I’ve been dealing with outside our bounds.

For the record, I just want to say that the people who coined that phrase were overselling this funky bunny.

Honestly. That one is a butt plug at best.

At least I could USE a doorstop.

Culture of can’t be bothered. I think I have my next book title.

‘You stink, Justin Matisse!’

May 12th, 2016, 11:43 AM by Goddess

This is one of my favorite lines from “Hope Floats.” Bernice tells Justin that they once had a skunk named after him. She obviously hates him.

I want to say that to this freaking pest I wish would just buzz the hell off. I called him Stinky Binky the other day.

Stinky Binky just informed me that X and Y are true. Well guess what, asshole. I was standing there when you received the information and I sure as hell didn’t take away any of that.

I’m going to be nice and meet with Pinhead 2.0 because it’s a favor to a friend. But there is no way in God’s green earth that I’m going to endorse your funky butt for anything.

Delusional twit. He’ll make a great Republican presidential contender someday.

Stinky binky 

May 10th, 2016, 2:06 PM by Goddess

That’s what Mom calls my cat when she stinks up the place. (And I don’t think she knows what a stinky binky really is.)  

That’s also what I would call an employee who doesn’t smell like they bothered to wash their ass before invading my tiny space where the AC works four out of every seven days. 

Blessed are those who are always congested and don’t notice. 

I wonder how many people quit over being paired with Pigpens.