F-Day

June 19th, 2016, 9:53 AM by Goddess

I met my biological father for the first and last time when I turned 18.  

I wore my favorite olive green outfit that matched my eyes. He wore a bright blue polo that matched his eyes. 

The night was fine. I had a photo from it that I shredded after he denied me and said he didn’t want to be in my life even now. 

I often wondered if it didn’t matter that I graduated with a near-4.0 and got into a good school. I wondered if he was disgusted that I wasn’t skinny. 

I weighed way less then than I do now. But I think a part of me figured that I’d never be good enough for him at any weight. 

Just like his stupid skinny self wasn’t good enough for me since he was a horrible person inside. 

Anyway. Today is the annual “fuck him” day. Father’s Day is for real men, so sit down, pipsqueak. 

And not that you care, asshole, but I continue to do just fine without you. 

I’m a long way from where I want to be. But I’m closer than I’ve ever been. Can you say the same?



Final whine of the day. I promise

June 3rd, 2016, 4:49 PM by Goddess

The good news is, I will get a refund on my Key West trip. In 10 days.

The bad news, I bought it on a super-special deal that I will never, ever see again. Ever.

Sorry, Mom. Fucked up your birthday.

What I wouldn’t give to do the itinerary I had planned …

I got to thinking about the fool I would never in my right mind hire. Because, I already have Soccer Ball to the Skull 1, 2 and 3. I don’t need a whole damn army.

But I wonder if they could have found their ass with both hands long enough to cover me for the one day we wouldn’t have had any coverage.

Dipwad proclaimed to someone else that they are waiting for me to hire them for my “open position.” It honestly worries me the level of delusion one can possibly possess.

It also makes me wonder that their references have no interest in calling me back.

If there is one thing I have tried to do at every company, it’s to think of the future. And I can’t in MY right mind “will” the company (so to speak) to someone who either lies or can’t follow a simple conversation to its natural conclusion.

No participation trophies today. Even if we’re getting back to the point where bad help might be better than none at all …



I can’t believe this person went to school where I did

May 26th, 2016, 12:22 PM by Goddess

I have this person who is 10 cherry tomatoes short of a salad because they keep insisting they are going to work here, and take my job title.

And when I explain what “process” means (and is), they flat-out ignore me and ask the same questions a different way. (i.e., Is my start date for nonexistent position still on arbitrary-date-they-pulled-from-their-butt?)

Days ago I felt bad and sent an editing test. Which was replied to with, “You mean a managing editor test? For the job I’m taking in July?”

NO, MORON.

I got the edit back today. In a file type I cannot open because NO ONE IN THIS INDUSTRY USES MAC.

Way to anticipate your “future employer’s” needs.

The note that came with it?

“This is how I’d do the job as managing editor.”

So in other words, in a file format that your team cannot even use.

Good job on that.

Should I even bother asking for a re-send?

What’s sad is I DO need some help. I just don’t want THEIRS.

UPDATE:

I asked for a resend. The reply? ” I figured that might be an issue.” NO SHIT SHERLOCK.

The edits sucked. Half-assed at best.

The conversation ends here.



This is a test

May 24th, 2016, 6:30 PM by Goddess

The universe tests me with my mouth. I know this and I know I have to not say shit even if I have a mouthful of it. 

But …

This kid I agreed to have pawned off on me is about 10 cherry tomatoes short of a salad. 

I gave this person an editing test. The reply was swift: “Like a managing editor? Like the job you’ll give me in July?”

This person is 100% serious and asked when I will know their start date. Uh … 

The same job that doesn’t exist and never will at this point. 

Singalong time!



Devolving

May 21st, 2016, 9:31 AM by Goddess

When I interview people, I look for basic courtesies. The ability to tell a good story. The feeling that this person has the capability of having my back and not plunging a knife through it. The hope that tough situations will be made more bearable by their presence and assistance.

The last few times I hired, that’s what I hired. I think it worked out for the best, for the most part. One ended up having zero talent beyond being a nice person. Another had mad talent but fell off the grid and proved to be a bit on the unreliable side. And the third is still with me, keeping me sane for the most part.

I had the chance to interview someone recently. I absolutely wanted nothing to do with this person going into it. No manners. No grace. No access to a shower that morning, apparently. Just, all-around bleah.

The interview was OK. Showered, check. I didn’t see effort as far as dress or other preparation. And someone needs to put a shock collar on that one to notify them when they say something that makes me go, “Did they just say that?” And I’m not even a formal type of person. Because, let’s count the stupid things I say in a day. Hmmm. …

Anyway, I got to wondering whether I would do better managing someone who has no redeeming social qualities. 

I mean, the people who are nice and reasonable AND talented are the best. But I don’t know about the people I’ve been encountering lately. You either get smarts or experience or talent or grace or personality. You don’t get them all.

I think this one could eventually learn to be anything other than a social Asperger’s case. I did not hold back in telling them (nicely) what they were doing that would piss off any reasonable interviewer type. 

This one has a level of delusion about reality in general and their own abilities in particular that concerned even me.

On the other hand, I wonder if the secret to really being an effective mentor is to not particularly care for the person. 

Like, you can care about them but not for them. 

I shared my wisdom as articulately as I could. I really didn’t care as much how it was received. Whereas with others, I said what had to be said but I was also concerned that their sensitivity would mean they didn’t take it for what it was worth (and use it).
I look at a friend who was let go recently. He was kind of everyone’s buddy rather than their boss. So they brought in someone who is more boss-like and less “someone who does the same kind of work and understands the type of people who are doing that work.”

Of course, I also see the wrong people sucking up to the new person and making things difficult for the rest of the team that actually is valuable.

I don’t know. I want to believe in being stronger together. But you really are an island in the end. And I want dragons in my moat from now on so people don’t get too close and, ultimately, drag me down with them.

There’s always the hope you can bring them up to your level. I will always have that hope. And that’s what made me invest SO MUCH in so many. But in the end, the cheese stands alone — at least at review time. And harmony does not necessarily equal profitability. And the hole in the cheese’s heart grows a little bigger because of it.

I don’t know if Stinky Cheese will become part of the charcuterie platter. But I do have a feeling that if anybody can beat them into submission, or at least destroy their dreams and/or delusions, it’ll be me.