My neck hurts, 3

February 2nd, 2017, 2:28 PM by Goddess

Well it’s really my back after getting it stabbed before someone threw a whole bunch of us under the bus.

Accept responsibility for your goof. Seriously. Whether it impressed the one you clearly needed it to impress, well, who knows.

I love people who say, “Yeah I own that.”

I am feeling zero love right now.

Seriously, the missives blaming everyone but your own impatience, and telling everyone else to be cognizant of their own supposed failings, isn’t going to convince anyone else to step up and give up their nights and weekends.

I’ve been waiting years to say that.


January 11th, 2017, 10:20 PM by Goddess

Watching that Salmon Stalin attack the press today, after President Obama’s lyrical farewell last night — amid reports that the PEEOTUS (heh) paid Russian prostitutes to piss on his orange oppressor ass — killed me. KILLED ME. 

He’s like facing your captor or rapist or shitty ex boss after you’ve escaped and started NOT twitching and bursting into tears every time you see a shadow that isn’t yours. 

Pathetic Pumpkin Patriarch. Guava Gorbachev piece of shit. Yellow Yeltsin. Peach Plutarch. Apricot Autarch. Twitler son of a bitch. 

Where was I? 

I remember being appalled at my dumbass friends who hated Obama who posted terrible shit about him. I thought, who could have that much hatred in their heart to risk professional ruin with what they said?

I get it now. As I wear my snake pin with the “don’t touch my pussy” admonishment. Like I did today. God I get it. 

That time when America lost its damn mind

January 5th, 2017, 9:06 AM by Goddess

There’s a snowball’s chance that we could get Colin Powell elected on Jan. 6. No more Tangerine Twat-grabber. It can happen. 

I won’t hold my breath. But it would be nice to refer to the past two months as that time America went temporarily insane. 

Pardon me for not breeding 

December 20th, 2016, 7:30 AM by Goddess

There’s an organic food place I visit two or three times a week. 

They advertised for Christmas dinners. Ham or turkey. Caprese or Brie en croute. Root veggies and bourbon pecan pie. Order now for Saturday pickup. 

So I ordered … and was told they can’t help me because I only need two meals. 10 minimum. Didn’t you read the sign?

Then they emailed again. Ok we will sell you five meals. Deal?

Dude. I did not shit out three kids overnight. 

Great to know that a family of five is more important than me trying to perk up our sad little Christmas with a special meal. 

So basically, a longtime regular customer spending $40 for two meals isn’t important. The way to make me feel better is to charge me $100. 

Welcome to Trump’s America, folks. 

(Also, fuck the electors who voted for him. Double-fuck the Hillary defectors. I was rooting for Kasich or McCain anyway, but Jesus the electors ex-Supran are as dumb as the people they represent. )

In any event, my money spends just fine anywhere I take it. I’m just pissed that now I have to come up with a new plan instead of a place I like and trust. And sad that I could be referring to either a restaurant or a country I’ve lost faith in. 

20 minutes in my life

November 23rd, 2016, 7:58 AM by Goddess

I was driving merrily along on Braddock Beach Boulevard, with nary a car behind me for miles …

When suddenly a big truck covered in Trump/Pence stickers practically hitches itself to my back bumper.

Meanwhile I have a string of cars in front of me, going nice and slow. But I need to turn right within a half-mile, so I am staying calm and put.

Well, as calm as I could with Crazy behind me. She was purposely gunning it and pretending to nudge around me and GLARING at me in my mirror.

When the turning lane appeared, I hopped over and looked to see her on my left. Pointing at my “Love Trumps Hate” sticker and shooting me the finger.


I drive my half-terrified/half-raging ass to Starbucks. Where I meet a wonderful elderly fraud lawyer from Ohio who says business is booming because “There are more scumbags per square foot in Florida than anywhere else.”

You don’t say …

Interesting how I want to burn down the world and then get my faith in it restored within a timespan of 20 minutes.