August 31st, 2017, 7:57 AM by Goddess

That time when the office people threw out all your brand-new groceries that you needed because you have no time to take lunch before the holiday weekend …

Because you didn’t put your name on it last night instead of THIS MORNING when they said the fridge would be cleaned out …

And you HAD a fridge of your own but it’s been taken hostage somewhere else in the building and no one will GIVE IT TO YOU …

And everyone is like well you were warned to put your name on your lunch like you have to stitch it in your underpants like a 5-year-old going off to camp …

And you just have to just be “overjoyed to be employed” as I say to everyone every single day. Because, that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

Mmm, cookies …

Goodbye, sandwich from mom, container of fruit, brand-new tub of hummus, and more carrots and broccoli than you can shake a Trader Joe’s at.

Secret haters

August 23rd, 2017, 8:24 PM by Goddess

With great power comes … a whole lot of assholes not giving a shit about hiding their assholitry anymore.

Mom sent me this meme about “secret haters” …

She said, “Sound familiar?”

Yes. That’s the annoying bridge of the annoying pop song that is my life.

It’s not just that not a single person invited me to do anything to celebrate my little victory. I do have dinner with some of the girls soon. But for the most part, it’s been Pariah Central:

“Oh wow, something nice happened for you? *radio silence*”

Or, “Wait, you aren’t violently unhappy right at this particular moment in time? Well, fuck you then. We’ll all just go talk to everyone else who isn’t you.”

And of course, “Well you must be making more money. Go entertain yourself, or ya know, pay if you want me around.”

In the immortal words of Cee-Lo: “Fuck you. And, fuck her too.”

Amended to add: “And him too.”

Then there is the rest. The taking advantage in other ways.

Assuming the new boss is an old friend and therefore special privileges can be taken without fucking asking.

Or the absolutely fucking railroading the authority they said they were so glad for me to get.

The patronizing.

And the not actually giving the title the authority that I’ve ALWAYS carried anyway because the lesser title in my immediately previous life carried as much clout as the new one.

Now I wonder too if the people who rooted for this really just wanted someone to blame. Not today. But, you know, eventually.

I also see clearly that when the time comes (again) to play Budget Chicken, I have a big fat role in that cockfight.

The first two — Special Privileges and Fucking Railroading — don’t realize Large Marge is actually, officially and FINALLY in charge.

And that her grace has boundaries.

Oh, and that nobody objects to a smaller payroll.

Later, haters.

(N)onward ho

July 20th, 2017, 8:31 PM by Goddess

After you give up your would-be affair frog-prince to stay with the belching, farting, sneezing, honking, Lysol-cloud riding, micromanaging funky ass, you can’t really tell him to shove a fly up his froggy butt because you just lit your backup lily pad on fire.

I predicted this. And again, I’m not sure it’s worse than moving into the affair frog/prince’s pad. But it was nice to dream of kicking frogpies across the pond even though you knew you couldn’t base your decision on the joy you would derive from it.

If I hear the word ‘snip’ or ‘snippity snip’ …

July 18th, 2017, 2:51 PM by Goddess

… in the context of taking a screenshot …

… in the subcontext of micromanagement because they don’t believe that people who used to run newsrooms, departments or companies could possibly see a stupid task through to completion …

… One more fucking time …

I’m gonna show folks the real context of that word. 


Eye-pooping results 

June 26th, 2017, 1:27 PM by Goddess

Man. Between hearing someone pass off my idea as their own in a meeting … and it got approval coming from their mouth … and getting an edited doc with that mistake made in it … and more, I really don’t know what else to say about today.