These thoughts I think

June 20th, 2014, 8:51 AM by Goddess

1. The Candidate from Hell aced his editing test. So I’m imagining the two very very “interesting” editing tests I’ve received this week mean these people won’t give me nightmares should I decide to hire either of them.

1.a. Boy am I going to have my hands full, either way. Might as well stock up the liquor cabinet now.

1.b. I finally see a vacation day in my future. Probably after those days expire, but still. Vacation.

2. I had someone try to out-asshole someone else yesterday. Which, I had to tell Person B, hey, don’t be an asshole to me because Person A is an asshole to you. Person A already desensitized me to your kind. You are a pretty big asshole but you will NEVER wear the crown. Got it?

3. Speaking of assholes, I had to apply for CareCredit at my dentist since I apparently will owe them four grand for my toofs. And the financing lady looked at my annual income and said, “That’s per month, right?” This is what I get for living in an affluent ZIP code. She looked at me piteously when I said I have to live on that amount FOR A WHOLE YEAR.

Oh who am I kidding. These aren’t things I think. These are things I SAY.

Feels like 2004 today

June 19th, 2014, 7:18 AM by Goddess

I overheard some guy two cubes over on the phone with an employee we (rightfully) booted to the curb. Guess Moody McMoodalicious is a contractor now.

Reminded me of Ye Olde Employment Establishment, where we tossed the a-hole who was sexually harassing his subordinates, but rehired him (and probably at a higher salary) to do his job from home. Or when we marched the two supervisors from the back hallway who ran off every employee by their one-year anniversary to the door and changed the locks … only to have them form their own company and we paid them millions more.

Basically, it’s good to see the similarities between the companies don’t end. Glad I ended up on the teams that leave the whiny, trouble-making, NOT THAT TALENTED a-holes right on the curb where we left them.

Isn’t that special

June 16th, 2014, 7:27 PM by Goddess

1. How to Go From Working 60 Hours a Week to 40 By Sending 2 Emails a Week

Seriously? I am thrilled when I get it DOWN to 60 hours! If I get it down to 40, I’m going to see a unicorn farting out a rainbow of sparkle dust. MY EYES ARE NOT READY FOR THAT.

2. In addition to ex-stefather-type, another of Mom’s illustrious exes is hurt he didn’t hear from me this year. And Mom’s uncle yelled at her for only sending a card and not calling too.

You know, for two grown-ass women who don’t have daddies … and to who these men barely pay a whit of attention throughout the entire year … you’d think they’d mind their damn business. And my own great-uncle’s daughter didn’t even bother doing anything for him at all.

I believe the reply I’m searching for is ‘Eat me’

June 16th, 2014, 1:41 PM by Goddess

Ex-stepfather-type person told Mom he’s hurt that I didn’t wish him a Happy Father’s Day.

Well for fuck’s sake. Of course I thought of him yesterday.

And I cast a pox upon his house.

What more does he want?

How about answering any of my texts to, for the love of God, help me to help my mom? Since you are in the MEDICAL FIELD and she has CHRONIC AND ACUTE ILLNESSES?

Feeling ways about things

June 4th, 2014, 10:02 AM by Goddess

Me: I just want to tell him to fuck off and die.

Me: Wait, you know what? That’s TOO MANY STEPS. Forget the fucking off. Just die, OK? DIE!

Friend: Your time management skills are awesome.