(N)onward ho

July 20th, 2017, 8:31 PM by Goddess

After you give up your would-be affair frog-prince to stay with the belching, farting, sneezing, honking, Lysol-cloud riding, micromanaging funky ass, you can’t really tell him to shove a fly up his froggy butt because you just lit your backup lily pad on fire.

I predicted this. And again, I’m not sure it’s worse than moving into the affair frog/prince’s pad. But it was nice to dream of kicking frogpies across the pond even though you knew you couldn’t base your decision on the joy you would derive from it.

If I hear the word ‘snip’ or ‘snippity snip’ …

July 18th, 2017, 2:51 PM by Goddess

… in the context of taking a screenshot …

… in the subcontext of micromanagement because they don’t believe that people who used to run newsrooms, departments or companies could possibly see a stupid task through to completion …

… One more fucking time …

I’m gonna show folks the real context of that word. 


Eye-pooping results 

June 26th, 2017, 1:27 PM by Goddess

Man. Between hearing someone pass off my idea as their own in a meeting … and it got approval coming from their mouth … and getting an edited doc with that mistake made in it … and more, I really don’t know what else to say about today. 

‘Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you’

June 23rd, 2017, 10:26 PM by Goddess

There was a trait in someone I used to know. 

Not a good one. Trait or person. 

He’d ask how you were doing … what you’re doing this weekend … what you did last weekend ….

But he didn’t care. Or listen. He was just waiting for his turn to talk. 

And when I start to miss him, I realize his replacement does the same damn thing. 

Now if I keep my eyes closed he looks just like you

But he’ll never stay, they never do

Now if I keep my eyes closed he feels just like you

But you’ve been replaced

I’m face to face with someone new

— Halsey, “Eyes Closed”

Unfortunately the replacement will keep asking till you say something. 

And at least the original one did have interesting stories. That is certainly not the case anymore. 

I can’t believe the thing I miss is the original’s gift for making conversation when no one hates small talk more than I do. 

When will I ever learn?

Day 51 of my captivity

June 20th, 2017, 6:09 PM by Goddess

Every damn day: 

My Spicer: I need your opinion.  

Me: I pick X. Here’s why. (Insert long list of experiences, and what we’ve tried that hasn’t worked.)

Spicey: We are going to do the complete opposite of what you picked. 

Me: Why?

Spicey: I promised Bannon. I was not tasked with knowing why. 

Me:  I was in your position before. And now I’m going to have to be the one to execute certain failure after you declare it so. Does this save money? Make 10% more? If so, happy to do it that way. If not, it costs man hours. And lots of them. Do you purposely pick the exact thing I advise against? 

Spicey: Takes 90-minute lunch.