On the six

November 7th, 2017, 9:10 AM by Goddess

Today marks six years of my captivity, officially.

The first day of this month marked six months in the current incarnation of said captivity.

Ran into an old friend on Saturday, from my earliest days. He has a job he loves and an offer pending that came in out of the blue, and at a higher salary.

Good choice to have. Not a Sophie’s Choice, like I tend to attract.

I was thinking about how happy he looked, as sickness from too much “peopling” washed over me as thick as the dread at the daily peopling I didn’t miss at all Friday and Monday.

And then one of my truly favorite people on this earth paid me a visit.

And then another came in, armed with fresh macarons from Paris for his favorite editor.

It’s probably safe to say today has peaked.

Otherwise, I can’t escape today because I lost my stupid pass to get in and out of Fort Hard Knocks. And I am due for a visit from the fashion police lieutenant.

But I’ll be OK.

At least a couple people have my six, and I have theirs. And today, that is enough.

And then there were four

October 19th, 2017, 5:15 AM by Goddess

The Mohicans group lost another key member yesterday.

At least this one got to leave of his own accord.


And that doesn’t count the other three members of my new team who got exiled. One who, IMHO, needed to go.

So basically we are an expert team with almost zero experts. Not that anyone else is doing any better.

But if maybe they had let my BFF shine, I might still have someone to eat lunch with.

A rumor went around that LVP (“Lisa VanderPump,” maybe?) wanted to come back. I would shoot on sight.

Speaking of dead weight, now they tell me that one dumbass I was happy to part ways with five years ago is coming back to my team, to revive a project that failed seven ways to Sunday.

I said I used to work with the best pros in the business, and you want me to put THAT piker to work?

And don’t get me started on how I heard we turned down a paying customer, whose name is on that crossed-out list. It’s too early to even “even” about that.

Hard to get out of bed today. Considering I’m a raging insomniac, that should tell you all you need to know about the state of my heart right now.

Guess that says a lot about my ability to lead

October 11th, 2017, 5:13 AM by Goddess

“Great leaders don’t blame the tools they are given. They work to sharpen them.”

I came across this quote this weekend. Good timing, after an unproductive talk with a stubborn employee and a big fat apology tour to everyone else about their (in)actions.

After reading it, I decided to be careful. Collective “we” have a longstanding reputation for running the talent out of town and keeping the rest. So I recommitted to sharpening this particular tool.

Then chaos ensued first thing yesterday. Defying my orders. Publishing something without me seeing it, as always requested. Not making my changes to the near-live version I did manage to get a peek at. Mistakes, misspellings, and a reference to an element that’s in another product and not the one at hand. OMG I was so mad, I had to shut my door to stave off the 22 visits of “well that’s what I was told to do by someone who was here 45 years ago” lies.

That was another fun part of my day. A call from a fellow goddess who said get my name out of this person’s mouth. Don’t believe a word being said. They are trying to start drama and I want no part of it.

We compared notes on the terrible thing that happened Friday, and she was like, “Goddess, I would never instruct anyone to do that. Further, it’s YOUR call. It’s not mine and it’s not THEIRS.”

So now I am at the point of offering this person up as a human sacrifice. I’m also documenting. And I’m also praying that maybe I can sharpen this tool enough so that I don’t have to go interviewing for a new one. Although I’m really not sure which tactic will take less time. Finding and securing a new job and house in a foreign country feels like it would be a cakewalk in comparison.

Yippee Ki-Yay Mother Fucker

September 22nd, 2017, 9:03 PM by Goddess

That day when someone for no reason tells someone else you weren’t even working with (yet) today that you are somehow mad at her (when you were pretty specific that you were frustratedy with interruptions in general) and she asks what she did wrong and you’re like WTF because she’s fine and meanwhile she’s like while I have you, that person is all about the interruptions and my boss will be talking to you about that.

And that five minutes of your day is a good representation of the other 9.5 hours.

Dear Friday night: Thank you for arriving when you did.

‘You’ve really become a boss, haven’t you?’

September 21st, 2017, 7:46 AM by Goddess

A friend stopped in last night. It was close to 6 p.m. and it was my only quiet moment in a very, very stressful two weeks. I wanted to be home, but I just can’t with people hunting me down (and, sometimes, it feels like hunting me for sport) all day.

He said it’s the first time I have a big team reporting to me. I said not really. Everyone (the high-dollar talent, not the marketers) reported to me in the sense of checking in/getting assignments/pitching ideas/seeking green lights on projects, even if I wasn’t always the direct paycheck-signer. Because, they knew where the seat of power was.

He said well you have support staff again. Which is true. He said both have reams of experience. I said yes. One is a great utility player. I couldn’t do this without that person.

He said, and the other has tons of experience in a related industry. He said it as a fact, not as a question.

I said well. That’s what this person keeps telling me. I have yet to benefit from all these reams of experience.

That’s when he laughed and said I’ve officially become a boss.

That stuck with me for a while. I guess he was nicely saying that I used to be nicer.

What I wasn’t saying is that every day brings an argument. I think this person has talent. And incredibly good insights. But is so focused on being a pain in everyone’s butt that it’s very easy to forget what contributions they could bring.

I mean, just this morning I got an email saying I made their work great but I should really thank them for all they did to make it readable for me in the first place.

Well, that’s one way to go about it.

I don’t have a boss anymore to shield me from what happens above. My inbox is loaded with long back-and-forth conversations on 12 million topics. Aside from that, I’m teaching basic stuff to people who have been in the biz twice as long as I have. And trying to get people who have had no direction (from above or within) to accept MY direction. Oh and these people and their goddamned special reports. My kryptonite. Sheesh. The stress never ends.

I’m not ready to give up by any means. But this past month has felt about a year long. And I don’t feel like much of a boss in any sense of the word right now.

But at least I’m nothing like all my absentee bosses. They’ve all moved on and whether they have done better is a mystery. I’m super-grateful that the company (most companies I’ve been at, really) recognizes that I was a hidden gem all along and can shine without that layer above me. But damn, every once in a while I miss the one purpose they always served for me — an umbrella — so at least I could focus on the mud on my shoes. Now I’m up to my ass in muck AND soaked to the bone.

As I keep reminding myself, I have authoritah now. If anyone can fix it, I can. And if I can’t, then no one can.