Caterwauling

I was planning to write a three-part “syndrome” series with our office archetypes. You met Helpful Horvath, the grand master of creating churn. And Snooki, the person who has no patience for you from before the moment you open your mouth, but is so integral to the company that you just have to find ways to please or otherwise avoid him or her.

My third one, well, I haven’t named yet. Because I still don’t actually know that every company has one of these. I pray they don’t. I really do.

First, let me say this. I write all of my blogs “to” Rockville, Md. Whenever I fire up my dashboard, I think of my beloved friend Vitamin D and I guess I appeal to her — for laughs, for nods, for approval.

I’ve been envisioning telling her the story I want to tell all of you. And all I can hear is her saying, “Ay yi yi!” Because there is nothing else to say.

I had occasion to talk to someone I don’t normally cross paths with. I wouldn’t say I’ve wronged anyone in this field (fun-poking blog entries notwithstanding) but there are folks I just avoid because an ex-employer got custody of them in the divorce.

Plus, I had a lot of hurt to overcome. You may see a lot more forgiveness in my recent entries; that’s because the burden just got too heavy to keep dragging through the desert, you know? I’ve grieved; I’ve moved on. I’m a vocationally single girl. Party time!

Anyway, let’s just say my eyes got themselves opened. And I find myself at a sadly familiar crossroads, where I either choose to lose all faith in humanity or simply kick myself for being so trusting YET AGAIN.

Seriously, you’d think I’d learn.

So of course it occurs to me to blog about it, to help me make sense of it. Which is pretty hard nowadays because everybody knows everybody in my world. So that’s out.

The thing is, there are lies and misdeeds, and then there’s just plain “asking for it.” And in my field, you have to have a caste system for bad behavior, because it’s so rampant.

However, I can pretty much forgive professional backstabbing. (See how jaded I really am?) But it’s when people start making it personal that really puts a bug square up my butt.

Now, I say this as the same asshole who nicknames people who make me mad. But I imagine any therapist in the world would tell you this beats actually doing something regrettable.

I say all of this because I take my relationships very seriously. Where I’ve failed romantically, I’ve succeeded professionally. I have many long-term relationships that I cherish. Even if we only go on a “date” occasionally, I expect honesty and loyalty and that I’m still talking to the same person every time we connect.

Garrr, I feel like I’m digging myself deeper into this abyss. So, I’m going to forget naming this archetype, in favor of this:

1. I have enough to answer for when I get to heaven. I’d like to see my friends when I get there. If you’re not going to be there with me, I really don’t need to associate with you here.

2. I’m disappointed. Irrevocably so.

3. You don’t deserve what you have, but you will deserve what you get.

I’m not going to lose what makes me “me” because of “you.” But you have lost “me” and if that doesn’t speak volumes about “you,” I don’t know what would.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 Goddess AdrasteiaSome Rights Reserved

A full night’s sleep hasn’t done much to take the edge off yesterday’s injustice. Although a full bottle of wine for dinner certainly didn’t hurt.

It’s one thing to receive/read messages from people who didn’t watch the trial about how dumb we all are who care so much about it (as though that could ever be a bad thing) … or how the prosecution clearly failed (really? It was pretty damn airtight, considering how little they had to work with and how mindblowing the “new science” really is) … or how that mud-smearing, see-what-sticks, crude, whiny and inept defense must have done a great job … or how defensive everyone is about the jury’s decision, right or wrong, because that’s our justice system.

But if a “jury of my peers” is having two people out of 12 who went past 11th grade and four with an arrest to their names, I’d rather take my chances in Perugia with Amanda Knox, thanks, should I find myself in the klink. Clearly our merry band of average citizens saw the same evidence the rest of us did and processed (or didn’t process) it the same way. Is that the system at work, or the system not working?

Someone had a really smart comment on Twitter last night, that the jury system blows and people aren’t educated or smart enough for this BIG responsibility. Well, that’s MY comment, because even my mind was blown at just the jury instructions.

But the comment I saw was that we should abolish the jury system as-is and have law students from around the country sit in on trials. They should have a minimum number of hours logged/number of cases as kind of an “internship.” That way, they can see justice at work before they ever get to practice law.

Knowing that a friend JUST passed the Virginia bar after about a dozen tries, I think that makes sense. Nothing like putting due process to work to make something stick in your brain. And I’d feel way better having a bunch of law students deciding my fate.

Now, before I receive another message that makes me want to procure a weapon and use it, I absolutely believe we are better off having 10 guilty men go free than having one wrongfully convicted. But I could get more time for HINTING at becoming a Casey Anthony vigilante than she will serve for, as I believe the evidence proved beyond any sort of doubt, suffocating her daughter and tossing her into a swamp to rot. And THAT is what I have a problem with.

These are the same people who elected Rick Scott as my governor. So yeah, I get a little touchy when it comes to the “hanging chad” state. What’s next, my state is going to fall into the Michele Bachmann for president camp? And people still want to challenge me on not having faith in the judicial (or any other) system?

Anyway, make fun of me if you must for actually feeling passionate about something, even if it supposedly has nothing to do with me. And snarl at me all you like that I’m calling out the jury’s decision as NOT the right one and writing off this case as too sophisticated for the bulk of the unwashed masses. But I’m getting a little tired of having to rely on prayer and Karma and, ultimately, God to reward the just, punish the evil, and to let wrongdoing appear to remain rewarded until such time arrives.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2011 Goddess AdrasteiaSome Rights Reserved

Blazing orange sky and ocean

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

I am prone to panic.

I mean, it’s understandable now that I’ve become disenchanted and lazy. Who the hell wants to scramble for solutions at this age and energy level?

But since late 2004 and I was out of work for five solid months, I haven’t slept a good night’s sleep. I’ve always been terrified of … well, the worst. Whatever that may be. I don’t speak it aloud or even define it in my mind. Law of Attraction, yo.

A friend confessed the other day that she has the same fear. She’s had it for two years. And it’s all based on the same reason — how idiot employers think their superstars are simply disposable.

We should be the ones with the security, you know? With the knowledge base, the contacts and the reputation, we should be the FIRST ones these guys are fighting for. Not the ones to be carelessly cast aside under the auspices of, “Oh they will land on their feet somewhere else.”

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, THEY are the ones in over their head. They don’t know how to handle ideas that aren’t their own. So they shoot yours down and/or claim them as their own. Why is it your fault that they don’t know what they’re doing?

Speaking of “in over one’s head,” I’ve taken an uncanny interest in the Casey Anthony trial. The defense lawyer, Jose Baez, is every boss I’ve ever hated — he HAS to be the smartest guy in the room. And he will lob slights and personal insults to the people who ARE the smartest in the room.

Arpad Vass testified yesterday, bringing the nascent science of testing air to the courtroom for the first time ever. And perhaps it’s Baez’ job to attack the witnesses’ credibility, but I felt he did so even more unfairly than usual.

(Not saying he didn’t abuse Yuri Melich and, oh, Caylee’s GRANDPARENTS. He did. Seems everyone is on trial BUT the alleged murderer.)

Anyway, Vass seems to have a small speech impediment, and I felt like Baez was treating him like a special category of idiot. But if you actually listened to the guy, he was goddamn brilliant. And passionate. And confident.

Why do people have to try to bring down the Vasses of the world? My kvetch is on a bigger scale than just yesterday’s courtroom interaction. It’s the whole “Swinging Dick” theory — everyone’s gotta wield their widdle weiners and try to prove that theirs is the biggest … particularly those whose weiners you would need a microscope and a petrie dish to see.

I was always the type of supervisor who wanted smarter people on my team. I’m not ashamed to admit that I don’t know everything. Nor do I plan to become proficient at a thousand things. Nor do I want to pretend that I know more than the EXPERTS. (It always killed me how many people thought they were editorial gods and goddesses after one conversation with me. Uh, I forgot more than you will ever learn.)

Anyway, the good news is that Baez has no defense and Casey is surely soon to become the fourth woman on Florida’s Death Row.

And the better news is that Vass had jokes and zingers that he lobbed right back to Baez. I am ready to start a fan club for him.

But take that with you — it’s usually crystal-clear to others who’s the brains in the operation and who’s throwing roadblocks in their path to LOOK like the smart guy.

And when your credibility and experience gets attacked and patronized, just sit back and talk above their heads. Shouldn’t be too hard because the smartest people in the room are smart enough to know that they can stand to learn something from everyone else … and they will be laughing WITH you while the mean asshole struggles to come up with his next baseless insult because it’s the ONLY TRICK HE HAS.

CityWalk at Universal

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

I keep dropping in on the Casey Anthony trial in Orlando (via the TV, not by driving north for three hours!), and I’m feeling sort of nostalgic for Universal Studios, where she claims she worked but no one can prove it.

Anyway, in comparison to her fucked-up existence, mine seems like a damn dream!

I have the mother of all blog posts brewing in my head. But alas, you’ll hear about it another day, Grasshopper.

Let’s just say that I officially have no proof that anyone has a soul.

It’s like when princes and princesses get divorced. Like, wait a minute — we HAD the fairy-tale ending. What’s THIS shit?

I take back everything I said about the Twunt. God, at least that person emblazons their character on their sleeve. I’d rather be screwed by someone who is CLEARLY INTENT on screwing me than being fucked by a longtime friend. Gimme a chance to lube up, at the very least — no need to make me bleed, too.

Anyway, long story. One in which I am complicit to a degree but I don’t want that to be the long-term situation. I prefer to be “in the know” — and my eyes are WIDE open.

But everyone has a good side — at least, I hope so. And I have a network that’s really going above and beyond to rescue me. It’s basically my opportunity to lose.

And while I’ll still be OK if I do lose it, or if it turns out to be not “just right,” I would like that to be MY decision … not anyone else’s.

The one thing I can leave you with is this: Be careful what you wish for. Because when you’re down to nothing, God is definitely up to something. And I think He likes to give us what we want, just to fuck with us.

It’s funny how a whiny post makes me feel so much better.

Anyway, I saw this article and it made me feel the need to share it on a greater platform than Facebook:

Creating Workplace Civility: Why Courtesy is Critical for Businesses

I’ve avoided many a boss in my day, not because I wasn’t doing the work or doing it WELL, but because every goddamned thing was met with a snarl or a hiss or a random comment that no one would have anticipated. (And nobody anticipates landmines quite like I do.)

I’ve also watched many a subordinate go out of their way to avoid a peer on the same or slightly higher level just because they were surly. Well, not “just because,” but that’s what it boiled down to.

Companies identify certain “star players” who take it to heart that the company simply CANNOT run without them. I know; I’ve been one. And I wasn’t above using my awesomeness to get out of, oh, all-staff meetings. But some stars are also socially inept; it’s not even that their pseudo-celebrity gets to their head — they just identify more with projects than with colleagues and don’t see when their attitude and comments are actually poisoning the environment.

And the problem with today’s companies is that they stick everyone in cube farms and/or in a “war room” with a dozen tables and chairs. You can’t avoid the people who drive you crazy. If they’re not assaulting you with unhinged e-mails at all hours, then they’re in your face, reminding you how much you disappoint them.

And you don’t get to say a word back. You have to be poised and gracious and remain beyond reproach. And every time you do that, you may earn your angel wings, but you get that much closer to death because a tiny bit of air comes out of your heart.

If you’re like me, you write it off as they may have problems at home or they are just having a bad day. Not that it excuses them giving YOU a bad day, but we’re all human here. It’s just when you excuse it for the 300th time and you’ve only worked there 299 days, that’s a problem.

If you’re like how I USED to be, I always found my revenge in little ways. Sending a large funeral arrangement to a beloved colleague whose wife died young when I was told my limit was $30. Planting a seed of paranoia just because I could. Doing “informational interviews” with other companies to stay sharp. Etcetera.

No harm, no foul — just validating my existence a little bit unconventionally, since everyone seems hellbent on making themselves feel better by making you feel worse.

This is why I can’t go back to work. It’s that whole doing the same thing again and again, and expecting a different outcome. And I have a couple new ideas how to occupy my time productively. I just wish I could come up with one that would bring in money. But seeing as though it’s already tomorrow in New Zealand and no one has yet been raptured, I figure, I have time. …