There goes the neighborhood

March 7th, 2017, 4:25 PM by Goddess

As if having an asshole who wears a taped-up Commie-red tie splitting his time between my old neighborhood and my new one weren’t enough …

The person (using that phrase loosely) who makes Steve Bannon seem like the Sultan of Sunshine in comparison to said person (and I ain’t talkin’ about Trumpy in this graf) is also moving to my hood.

Seriously, universe. You keep making me long for the dumpster fire that was 2016.

Time to enter Witness Protection … again.

Or just burn down the entire state. Whichever.

I hear the company is hosting the goodbye party after the departure. So, the universe is turning as it should.

In which I’m now the asshole upstairs 

December 12th, 2016, 7:25 AM by Goddess

Old ladies downstairs were blasting their TV all night with the windows open. 

I could take it till 12:15. Then I did an Irish jig, some booty poppin and some shit stomping around the house. 

They turned the TV off. 

Too bad I was too het up to fall asleep for four hours. 

Now if I can get them to stop chainsmoking because it makes my momma sneeze …

Juggling refrigerators 

October 24th, 2016, 7:26 AM by Goddess

It isn’t enough to be sick thanks in part to a very interesting dinner at Cheddar’s. 

But to be staying close to home and then having my neighbor being his usual violent self upstairs makes me feel that much worse. 


October 23rd, 2016, 9:05 AM by Goddess

Was at the mechanic yesterday, dodging about $1,000 in needed repairs. When I found out we live in the same goddamned place.

We traded stories — mine of the guy shooting off his nuts and his dog’s too, the swamp cancer, the duck-kickers, the guy who pisses off the balcony … and his of the big gay guys who fuck hard up against his wall, the neighbor who OD’d, the guy who killed himself and maimed his girlfriend for life, and the flying 2x4s during the last storm.

We both have cop stories, the asshole who claims we don’t come to a full stop but lets everyone else fly through at 78 mph with no problems. (I got the ticket; he, being 6’7″, did not.)

We talked of getting screwed on the rent. Although I kept slightly mum that at least I get a 2BR for my near-two-grand, while he has a 1BR. Of course, he has a girlfriend to split the bills with (damn! he’s cute, too! And we KNOW how I need a mechanic in my life!), so I don’t feel too bad.

Meanwhile, my friend I had lunch with says her mortgage is $700 a month.

Granted, I’d never want to live where she does. And she’s getting screwed with her healthcare premiums for $900 a month.

Meanwhile we have zero in the way of healthcare here. So she’s basically getting healthy and isn’t housing-insecure, for the same money I spend.

Meanwhile I fret every minute of every day about losing the job, the apartment, the mom, the cat, the car. With no real way to save a freaking dime because the apartment eats my whole salary.

Welcome to South Florida, kids. Where nobody has it good.

Hurricane party

October 5th, 2016, 8:04 PM by Goddess

Well. Never endured a Category 4 hurricane before. Sure I lost power for a week after Wilma. But it wasn’t 100 degrees out like it is here now, with 120 mph winds. 

Have plenty of food. And LED lights. And candles. And booze. Diet be damned. 

Didn’t shutter the windows. I’m not in the mandatory evacuation zone this year. But I am in the second zone, where it is strongly encouraged to GTFO. 

I’m sick of hearing from everyone who is prepared. How expensive their preparations were. How other people will die but they will be fine with their AC and gas grill. 

Meanwhile I’m in the Chinese drywall palace where our idiot management trimmed the trees and left the debris on the ground. You know, the better to impale people with. Or to go through the windows that have no screens, let alone shutters.  

And don’t get me started on how the pools are still full. Fools.

They chained up the clubhouse from the inside. I went to grab mail tonight and couldn’t get in. How da fuck will they get in to unlock the chains holding the doors together? Also there are “no exit” signs on the inside. How about “no entry” signs on the outside? Fools. 

This place will remain standing just like Trump’s empire and other shitty companies do. That is, despite themselves. So I should be more worried than I am.  But in a world where ineptitude is most richly rewarded, I am definitely in the right place. 

Lord please keep my coffeemaker running for the next four days. Or six, if this shit hooks around like it appears it will. 

Hey at least I’m getting two days off. Not the vacay I had planned for next week. But no long meetings while I’m under a time crunch? Greater joy than the hell any hurricane could inflict. 

Hurricane party!!!