Hot hot hot

July 11th, 2017, 4:39 PM by Goddess

My AC unit punked out.

The AC in the car punked out a year ago.

And the ice maker’s been dead for at least two years.

So, it’s been a laugh a minute around here.

I just paid a guy $100 to basically wipe up four drops of water and restart my thermostat.

He needs a second guy with him because my actual unit is up on the roof. With the units of 299 other apartments. So good luck figuring out if he can find, and fix, this one. But that’s an adventure for another day.

I didn’t bother my landlord because the last time I did, there was a riot. And I got a new lease with about a $100/month bump up in the rent.

He lost his mind that I paid for a repair over $100 that his dim-witted, holy-rolling brother-in-law or whatever could have done for $99. (In Florida, tenants have to pay for repairs up to $100.) Honestly I wasn’t going to tell him about this, no matter what the cost. And even though there may be more, I’ll eat it.

The ice maker, for what it’s worth, will be a $300 repair. I hope he doesn’t take it out of my security deposit. But then he’d also have to take the fact that none of the blinds work … that the electricity doesn’t work in mom’s room at all … the 10 years’ worth of crap in the carpets … the drain that doesn’t drain … the DOA dishwasher … the bleach the whore before me spilled under the sink … and those ceiling marks I made with baseball bats and other various sharp objects to make the Thundercunts shut up.

Yeah I bet that’ll eat up the $3,000 he’s sitting on of mine.

In any event, I need to get out of this place before I actually sweat off a pound or something.

There goes the neighborhood

March 7th, 2017, 4:25 PM by Goddess

As if having an asshole who wears a taped-up Commie-red tie splitting his time between my old neighborhood and my new one weren’t enough …

The person (using that phrase loosely) who makes Steve Bannon seem like the Sultan of Sunshine in comparison to said person (and I ain’t talkin’ about Trumpy in this graf) is also moving to my hood.

Seriously, universe. You keep making me long for the dumpster fire that was 2016.

Time to enter Witness Protection … again.

Or just burn down the entire state. Whichever.

I hear the company is hosting the goodbye party after the departure. So, the universe is turning as it should.

In which I’m now the asshole upstairs 

December 12th, 2016, 7:25 AM by Goddess

Old ladies downstairs were blasting their TV all night with the windows open. 

I could take it till 12:15. Then I did an Irish jig, some booty poppin and some shit stomping around the house. 

They turned the TV off. 

Too bad I was too het up to fall asleep for four hours. 

Now if I can get them to stop chainsmoking because it makes my momma sneeze …

Juggling refrigerators 

October 24th, 2016, 7:26 AM by Goddess

It isn’t enough to be sick thanks in part to a very interesting dinner at Cheddar’s. 

But to be staying close to home and then having my neighbor being his usual violent self upstairs makes me feel that much worse. 


October 23rd, 2016, 9:05 AM by Goddess

Was at the mechanic yesterday, dodging about $1,000 in needed repairs. When I found out we live in the same goddamned place.

We traded stories — mine of the guy shooting off his nuts and his dog’s too, the swamp cancer, the duck-kickers, the guy who pisses off the balcony … and his of the big gay guys who fuck hard up against his wall, the neighbor who OD’d, the guy who killed himself and maimed his girlfriend for life, and the flying 2x4s during the last storm.

We both have cop stories, the asshole who claims we don’t come to a full stop but lets everyone else fly through at 78 mph with no problems. (I got the ticket; he, being 6’7″, did not.)

We talked of getting screwed on the rent. Although I kept slightly mum that at least I get a 2BR for my near-two-grand, while he has a 1BR. Of course, he has a girlfriend to split the bills with (damn! he’s cute, too! And we KNOW how I need a mechanic in my life!), so I don’t feel too bad.

Meanwhile, my friend I had lunch with says her mortgage is $700 a month.

Granted, I’d never want to live where she does. And she’s getting screwed with her healthcare premiums for $900 a month.

Meanwhile we have zero in the way of healthcare here. So she’s basically getting healthy and isn’t housing-insecure, for the same money I spend.

Meanwhile I fret every minute of every day about losing the job, the apartment, the mom, the cat, the car. With no real way to save a freaking dime because the apartment eats my whole salary.

Welcome to South Florida, kids. Where nobody has it good.