(N)onward ho

July 20th, 2017, 8:31 PM by Goddess

After you give up your would-be affair frog-prince to stay with the belching, farting, sneezing, honking, Lysol-cloud riding, micromanaging funky ass, you can’t really tell him to shove a fly up his froggy butt because you just lit your backup lily pad on fire.

I predicted this. And again, I’m not sure it’s worse than moving into the affair frog/prince’s pad. But it was nice to dream of kicking frogpies across the pond even though you knew you couldn’t base your decision on the joy you would derive from it.



Pick-au-Prince

July 20th, 2017, 9:26 AM by Goddess

Probably a terrible headline and not very creative.

But after I saw an “expert” take one of my favorite writer’s brilliant headlines two weeks ago and make it sound like fuckin’ “See Spot Run” … and I no longer have override capability because it’s only my monkeys but not my circus … and don’t get me started on the content itself … I’m pretty much dead inside.

In any event, I picked my frog prince. My decision surprised even me.

Maybe “decision” is too definitive here.

At least, I either made it a whole lot easier … or a whole lot harder … to decide, should the decision come around again. Still not sure which.

I don’t know that it will come around again. Nor am I sure I want it to. And don’t think I didn’t immediately regret the decision the second I shared it with my frog prince.

The other started ribbiting instantly. (Literally, three minutes later.) And I’m like damn it, frogpies. Pipe the fuck down before I squash your poisonous ass. Jesus.

In any event, I’ve either opened the door to something bigger or I’ve burned the bridge forever.

And for the fact that I honestly cannot tell is probably confirmation that I did the right thing.



If I hear the word ‘snip’ or ‘snippity snip’ …

July 18th, 2017, 2:51 PM by Goddess

… in the context of taking a screenshot …

… in the subcontext of micromanagement because they don’t believe that people who used to run newsrooms, departments or companies could possibly see a stupid task through to completion …

… One more fucking time …

I’m gonna show folks the real context of that word. 

CIRCUMCISION. 



2 princes 

July 18th, 2017, 5:42 AM by Goddess

Well. Two frogs. Let’s be clear about that from the outset. 

I’ve been driving myself batshit for a week. Listing two sets of pros and cons. The list is absolutely equal. 

Nothing stands out that’s great. The rest is shit soufflé vs. shit on a croissant.  I wonder if the coin-flip result will simply come from my need to cut carbs. 

I deserve to be blessed with choices. That’s the upshot. Unfortunately, someone’s gonna get hurt. And I am 100% aware that that person is me. 

If I pick prince #1, do I murder him on sight in a week? Or if I pick prince #2, the lesser-known evil but stlll evil and maybe even more so, would I die a thousand deaths because my first pick won’t take me back?

I know life is all about choices. I just don’t see giving up a good thing unless it’s for a great thing. But nothing lasts forever. Least of all happiness. 

Send prince-picking vibes today, if you’re so inclined. I want a good date this weekend. 



Day 61 of my captivity

June 30th, 2017, 7:40 AM by Goddess

I was counting my blessings today and saying them to my friends. 

It sounds like romper room. “I’m grateful for J and R and G and S and M. Oh and the Publix salad bar.”

R laughed. 

My friend J pointed in a direction and said “You forgot one.”

I said nope. No, I definitely did not forget. In fact, I’d rank the Italian market, the breakfast place and the Honeybaked Ham higher. And I hate spending money!