‘Ay yi yi’

September 19th, 2011, 11:42 AM by Goddess

I was planning to write a three-part “syndrome” series with our office archetypes. You met Helpful Horvath, the grand master of creating churn. And Snooki, the person who has no patience for you from before the moment you open your mouth, but is so integral to the company that you just have to find ways to please or otherwise avoid him or her.

My third one, well, I haven’t named yet. Because I still don’t actually know that every company has one of these. I pray they don’t. I really do.

First, let me say this. I write all of my blogs “to” Rockville, Md. Whenever I fire up my dashboard, I think of my beloved friend Vitamin D and I guess I appeal to her — for laughs, for nods, for approval.

I’ve been envisioning telling her the story I want to tell all of you. And all I can hear is her saying, “Ay yi yi!” Because there is nothing else to say.

I had occasion to talk to someone I don’t normally cross paths with. I wouldn’t say I’ve wronged anyone in this field (fun-poking blog entries notwithstanding) but there are folks I just avoid because an ex-employer got custody of them in the divorce.

Plus, I had a lot of hurt to overcome. You may see a lot more forgiveness in my recent entries; that’s because the burden just got too heavy to keep dragging through the desert, you know? I’ve grieved; I’ve moved on. I’m a vocationally single girl. Party time!

Anyway, let’s just say my eyes got themselves opened. And I find myself at a sadly familiar crossroads, where I either choose to lose all faith in humanity or simply kick myself for being so trusting YET AGAIN.

Seriously, you’d think I’d learn.

So of course it occurs to me to blog about it, to help me make sense of it. Which is pretty hard nowadays because everybody knows everybody in my world. So that’s out.

The thing is, there are lies and misdeeds, and then there’s just plain “asking for it.” And in my field, you have to have a caste system for bad behavior, because it’s so rampant.

However, I can pretty much forgive professional backstabbing. (See how jaded I really am?) But it’s when people start making it personal that really puts a bug square up my butt.

Now, I say this as the same asshole who nicknames people who make me mad. But I imagine any therapist in the world would tell you this beats actually doing something regrettable.

I say all of this because I take my relationships very seriously. Where I’ve failed romantically, I’ve succeeded professionally. I have many long-term relationships that I cherish. Even if we only go on a “date” occasionally, I expect honesty and loyalty and that I’m still talking to the same person every time we connect.

Garrr, I feel like I’m digging myself deeper into this abyss. So, I’m going to forget naming this archetype, in favor of this:

1. I have enough to answer for when I get to heaven. I’d like to see my friends when I get there. If you’re not going to be there with me, I really don’t need to associate with you here.

2. I’m disappointed. Irrevocably so.

3. You don’t deserve what you have, but you will deserve what you get.

I’m not going to lose what makes me “me” because of “you.” But you have lost “me” and if that doesn’t speak volumes about “you,” I don’t know what would.



The ‘Snooki’ syndrome

September 16th, 2011, 6:56 AM by Goddess



Roach-mopolitan

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

I came to an awful conclusion last week, that the office archetype I call “Snooki” exists everywhere.

No, I don’t mean the “Jersey Shore” chick herself. But my “Snooki Syndrome” is named after someone I once knew who wore her hair that way. She had some good qualities, but I was mostly only acquainted with the ones that escalated my anxiety.

And yes, I’m an asshole. Rather than stand up to these people, I cope by giving them nicknames. Because, you know, a girl’s gotta feel like she’s got some modicum of control over a situation!

You know the type — that person who is just so no-nonsense … tells you straight out that she doesn’t care a whit about you or what makes you YOU … doesn’t necessarily think she’s smarter than everyone else so much as she just IS because she has experience none of y’all don’t and therefore she is automagically above you … and you decide that your No. 1 job responsibility is keeping that person happy or, at least, doing what you can to stay off her radar.

Not pointing fingers. *hands in pockets* Just, observing a very familiar and long-running pattern.

I got to thinking about all these yahoos on Capitol Hill, who whip out their dicks on Twitter or in men’s rooms or what the fuck ever. They take the easy way out by resigning. (Thank you, Anthony Weiner, for giving up your seat and the voters replacing you with a REPUBLICAN in the most Democratic district in the nation’s history. YOU FUCKING SUCK.)

But all these goofballs make a comeback. Maybe they’re not restored to their former glory, but they get their extra 15 minutes on the fame clock when the rest of us don’t get our FIRST 15. (Unless it’s pounds. Got those!)

I guess what I’m saying-but-not is that I don’t want to play anymore. I want to make up my own rules. Everybody else’s rules suck.

I’m sick of Snooki incarnations everywhere. I’m sick of that violent burning pit in my stomach that every meeting is just an opportunity for public excoriation. (Had my first 10 years ago; haven’t had my last, I’m sure.) That dodging the bullet one day or week doesn’t mean you’re wonderful or worthy but, rather, you didn’t fuck up enough to be on the radar this time but HOO BOY you can bet your sweet poohnani that your time is a-comin’!

I want to be pushed to be better. There are just ways not to do it. It is said that the typical Gemini will hold a grudge forever. While there is a grain of truth to this, I would prefer to call it “guarding the flanks.” Cross me once, I will be nice to you, but I will NEVER let my guard down again.

I would never wish to be embroiled in a Washington-type scandal. But at least it would be DIFFERENT, you know? I don’t do well with stress and it’d probably kill me. But I’d like to see one of those scandalized actually put their heads down and WORK THROUGH IT. It’s too easy to say, “Gee, I did something stupid. I apologize to my spouse. I am entering rehab. And I am going to give up my career because I was dumb enough to take a picture of my dick and put it on the Internet.”

Maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe I just wish I had an excuse to light the whole thing on fire and walk away from the smoking pile of uneasiness and try ANYTHING else.

Goodbye career as we know it. Certainly, goodbye roach-infested Amityville. (That’s my next rent check, by the way. Mom designed me a whole series to piss off the Evil Landlady!) Goodbye everything that isn’t working. Which, is JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I’m not unhappy; more just struggling with illusions that things would be different. I don’t think I’ve ever taken the easy way out. Is that the option I’ve been missing all these years?

I don’t know what the secret is to finally arriving at a different (happy) ending. If you know it, do share.



‘Helpful Horvath’ syndrome

September 13th, 2011, 11:58 AM by Goddess

My family had its own weird vernacular for a lot of things. That’s probably why I made the written word my absolute passion, as I had to unlearn a whole lot of incorrect stuff. Although, I have to give them credit for teaching me about the Wreck of the Hesperus. I think I won a Trivial Pursuit game with that one. ;)

Anyway, we have a syndrome in the family whereby someone is what we call, not so affectionately, “Helpful Horvath.” That’s the person who seeks to point out something either obvious or useless or a combination thereof.

If you’re in any kind of environment that involves other people trying to show how much smarter they are than you, you’ve encountered this character. My favorite is when they catch something and put it in an e-mail that’s cc’d to exactly the people you DON’T want to know either that there’s a mistake or room for improvement.

Most times, they are just a waste of oxygen. Other times, they create an uproar where none should have even existed. Because, you know, that thing you did right that you were told to do is now up for scrutiny and discussion.

Helpful Horvath often escapes looking dumb in these scenarios. After all, THEY are looking out for the company’s best interests, yes? And you’re just the jagoff who “missed” a detail. Guess who always gets the gold star? (Hint: It ain’t you!)

I have a problem with authority in general, unless there is some amount of kindness and mentoring involved. But HH is always No. 2 on my poop list.

Of course, you can sit back and wait for the day that their act gets annoying to people other than you. That’s always fun. At some point, the people who are SO glad for those extra eyes and ears realize that the rest of us who just quietly work and fix our errors without fanfare are the good children … the ones who are seen and not heard.

Don’t get me wrong — everybody needs an independent pair of eyes. But if you’re not ASKED to lend them, prepared to have them poked out, Stooges-style!



If this week were a fish, I’d throw it back. After stomping on its head of course

September 9th, 2011, 6:36 AM by Goddess



Life on the Gulf

Originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn

I’m beginning to think that God puts certain things into my life to cause me to pray more. Well, looks like He got His wish.

If I EVER have another week like this one, who knows what will happen.

The more things change, the more they stay the same, indeed.

What happens when what you’ve been waiting for is here, and all you want to do is give it back?

Dear God,

* Please guide my decision-making.
* Please put people in my path who will serve as important connections. And help me to realize it at the time.
* Please help me stand up for what’s right, and let go of what doesn’t matter.
* Please guide my hands and my efforts so that I can continue to please You with my handiwork.
* Please let all this create the change in me You are seeking, so that this seeming Groundhog Day can come to a merciful end.

Amen.



Useless battles

September 6th, 2011, 3:41 PM by Goddess

Just because I’ve forgiven people from The Life Before, doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten them. Not for lack of trying.

Longtime readers may remember the CEO who inserted mistakes into articles I’d edited. It’s amazing what people believe passes for good grammar. And then there was the supervisor who would come in and argue with me about whether the article “a” was more appropriate than “an” before a noun that started with a vowel. *headslam*

More recent readers may or may not know the stories of the HELLACIOUS e-mails I would get every Tuesday (and I mean EVERY Tuesday), accusing me of not knowing how to spell, how to address the subject matter or how to properly use grammar. The construction of the e-mails alone would send any editor worth her salt into heart failure. I don’t think even my NAME was spelled right in the salutation line most of the time.

For the record: My spelling/grammar is pretty damn good, only to be superseded by my knowledge of the subject matter. So there.

It’s quite a challenge, really, to hear — and be made to feel — that the skills I spent 4 1/2 years learning and 15 years practicing are either inadequate or disposable. Not to mention the added layer of specialized knowledge on top that NOBODY can replicate.

I really wish I were one of those people who could just go with the flow. But it’s those heavy-flow days that I have trouble with.

“And I think it’s going to rain today. …”