Another shot at success or regret

July 22nd, 2017, 6:20 PM by Goddess

My second frog returned to propose again with a bigger ring.

Admittedly, I had said another carat and I’m yours.

I knew he’d never go for it.

But he did go a half-carat higher.

Well, a half-carat higher … accompanied by a request for daily BJs.

I mean, I guess I figured there’d be an extra string attached, sure. But I also thought I was worth some more sparkle.

And let’s be honest. It was never about the sparkle.


July 12th, 2017, 6:25 AM by Goddess

I never have the right words at the exact moment I need them. 

A guy ran his dog into the ducks I was feeding. I flipped out and he was so defensive, he made it seem like my fault. 

My fear at him siccing that foul beast on me or mom kept me from really reading him off. But boy do I have a thousand snappy comebacks … now. 

Same for getting a message kicked off with “poor me.” Followed with a lie. And punctuated by an accusation. 

My instant mental reply was “read that back and you’ll have all the answers you need.” My actual reply, to move on with my day. 

Among many responses in my brain is that I ruined a good thing to choose that instead. I’d give anything to go back to that concert that I ended up spending focused on my phone. Ignoring the good thing I had right there with me, for what I didn’t ask for. And how the latter monopolized my time and how I allowed it to. 

How if I could do it all over again … I just wouldn’t

9/15/17 Update: I got a do-over on that concert!

Great-ish expectations

June 25th, 2017, 8:56 AM by Goddess

Every now and again, I get the opportunity to hang out with people far more evolved than I’ll ever be. And it’s nice to see that I still have plenty of growing to do, rather than regressing to please certain others.

One of those friends is getting divorced. But it’s far from an ending. It’s opening up a whole new world to her.

I don’t have to feel like shit every day anymore, she tells me. I can smile again and not have to apologize for it. I don’t have to contain my own light so as not to outshine anyone else who happily asserts their power to snuff it out.

That message felt a little pointed. But only in the best way.

We — collective we, as there were five Gemini goddesses present at my favorite restaurant last night for a collective birthday celebration — spoke of raising our vibrations and how we (me specifically) need to attract better neighbors … people who appreciate our ideas and experience … and better leadership as high as the national and international level.

I’m calling upon the universe for help. It’s time. It’s beyond time.

Later she asked me what “my type” is. And I thought, hmm, do I have one? Do I dare aspire to define what I might want, like I could actually get it?

So I told her. And the list went on. I have a look I like, and I said “financially smart, too.”

She’s like slow down, girl. Men don’t have that much to offer. Start small.

Hard to raise your vibration to get what you want when you have to keep your expectations so low. I excel in not expecting anything at all. But look where that’s gotten me.

It may not be time to dream big, but to start dreaming again at all, I guess.

Alt-maternity leave

June 13th, 2017, 8:08 AM by Goddess

No, I’m not knocked up or anywhere close. But I did have a dream that I met a guy three or four years younger than me, and he wanted to have one kid and to do so right away. I said fine (!) as long as I didn’t have to go back to work. This from the girl who lived for her job. Go figure.

I’ve decided I’m on alt-maternity leave. Only now I have to wear a dress and drive 25 miles each way in rush-hour traffic to mind the farm. I’m sleep-deprived (thanks neighbors) and caffeine deprived (who the fuck can function without a Starbucks literally in their backyard?) and am redefining what daily productivity means.

Someone knock me up, please. But only if you’re rich and can take care of me …

Sophie’s choice

June 11th, 2017, 7:56 AM by Goddess

I don’t dream much. But tonight’s will stick with me for a long time to come.

I was given a choice at work between the recently departed boss and the current one. You can have either, they said.

I said, neither, in the dream.

As the choice was repeated (because I’m feeling unheard these days), the recently departed one was somehow messing with my hair. Something he’d never do and frankly the thing I loved most about him is I got to do all my volumes of work in peace.

And for the record, no one touches my hair, speaks of it or even acknowledges it. Unless they want to meet an untimely end.

That part of the dream was particularly weird because it’s the current one who keeps an eye on what we’re wearing. (My getting sent home must have opened that up.) And even said the thing I had in my hair on Friday was reminiscent of the ’60s.

What did I say about my hair?

I picked the first one.