December 23rd, 2014, 11:48 PM by Goddess

Between the special people in my life thinking I suck because I worked during my last two special weekends … and mom thinking I suck because it’s Christmas and there’s no food in the house and I still have to work and not shop … and work thinking I suck because I cannot do everything or anything, for that matter, I’m pretty much filled up on how much ALL THAT SUCKS.

But you know what? The kid didn’t follow instructions and effed something up today. And had the wits about him to say something was wrong. (Half a sentence away from claiming I instructed him wrong. He’s good about that. But I was right and I fixed it and if he had listened to me, this wouldn’t have been an issue.)

But it was an act of God because I started doing my spot-checking and OMG if the OTHER mistake I caught had gone out in the live, scheduled broadcast, I would have Hit. The. Roof.

So here I am at 11:45 p.m. messing around with this. And doing more work. Because what the hell, right? If I’m going to suck I might as well suck at as many things as humanly possible.

I wonder I exude similar levels of disappointment like the kind I feel all around me, and whether it defeats him just as much. The thing is, I think he thinks I suck too.

The good news is, I still like me. Honestly, I do. And one person cannot suck alone. There’s gotta be a lot of suckage going on — per all these people, I’m not talented enough to suck this much without help!

Feel-good time

November 14th, 2014, 9:47 AM by Goddess

Every year when I lose all my vacation time, I get exhausted.

It’s been a slow-ish week or two which means that not everything has been on fire.

By others’ standards, my weeks are still plenty busy. And long.

But by mine, they are as close to vacation as I get.

I’ve been spending every waking minute training my person. And untraining. And retraining. And retraining some more.

And even though I got stabby as recently as yesterday, I’m committed to this. I don’t need him to learn everything. I just need him to learn enough at this point. And that goal is coming closer.

I got to spend an hour last night talking to my favorite person. And I realize, THIS is what life is all about. SCHEDULING FEEL-GOOD TIME.

I figure, for all the years of my life I’ve lost to the career tsunami (and all its aftermath) of the last 10 years, I deserve that hour. I deserve to not have my ass on fire all day, every day, both before everyone else gets to the office and then again long after they’ve all left.

I deserve more than that hour. I deserve about two years’ worth of lost days off.

So yeah I’m stressed out about projects people need from me right now. It’s not that I don’t have time to do them. I just don’t have the brain. Or heart.

But at least, with an hour of fun time here and there, I have a shot in hell of growing that heart back.

The one that got away

November 11th, 2014, 9:16 AM by Goddess

I got to talking with a fellow Stuppendous Badass about our unique (and perhaps uniquely underappreciated) ninja roles within our respective empires.

Moreover, we got to talking about what we could do if we could ever break the shackles we custom-built so well.

We excelled at becoming the centralized cog in a very big wheel. And they don’t make them like us, you know — my friend has a hard time finding equally hard workers, and I have a perfectly miserable time finding equally smart/capable workers.

How do we get to do what it is we want to do when we have no hope of ever having the opportunity to FIGURE OUT EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS?

Last time I worked in this building, I was out of pubs entirely. And job-wise, I was never happier. The harassment wasn’t a good time, so I left … and fell back into pubs again.

I could excel in that whack-a-mole-hole perhaps if I didn’t have so many pubs and 50 side jobs (and first dates. *cough*) to boot — how do I get back to a role I wish I could have loved for a lot longer?

Why yes I AM kind of awesome sometimes

October 22nd, 2014, 8:22 AM by Goddess

You know it’s going to be a good day when you sneak in a song lyric to a horrific article that you made readable, and your favorite copywriter calls to tell you how absolutely awesome you are.

Just finished the Ceremonial Reading of the To-Do List (should I pen CRTDL as a “thing”?) and wondered whether anybody realizes that, for each thing I do tick off, there are about 47 steps behind each.

So, it’s nice when one of those little things you do to make things suck a little less for yourself actually brightens someone else’s day.

I never thought I’d see the day where I would miss Jose Cuervo

October 20th, 2014, 8:17 AM by Goddess

I have no problem staying up past midnight doing fun things and having late-night talks with my favorite people.

But man, when you WORK till midnight (three times in the past week), the next morning is worse than a Jose Cuervo hangover.

Granted, last night I didn’t even start working till about 8 p.m. But still. I imagine I’d be less cranky if I were getting ahead of schedule instead of desperately just trying to catch up.