Here’s to another five. And another vice

November 7th, 2016, 7:00 AM by Goddess

Walked into the office five years ago today. Time for some Little River Band …

This is our fifth year baby
And I feel like I’m in jail, Lord
I’m holding on to this card
Can’t seem to get it in the mail
And the card reads …
Happy anniversary baby
Got you on my mind
Happy anniversary baby
Got you on my mind

At the time, I was most excited at the prospect of getting paid biweekly again after 11 months of sweating every cent.

That’s the thing abut low expectations. It was more like a series of pleasant surprises than crushing disappointments. Which was a welcome change.

It’s a coin-flip whether the other opportunities I sought heard about along the way would have panned out.

Maybe the hot Italian with the chiseled jaw isn’t the marrying type after all, but the less-exciting guy takes care of you better because he knows you can leave him for the better-looking, richer one who sweeps you off your feet.

Look at all the people who have come and gone in that time, after all. Many have gone on to better things. Some are still searching.

I could have landed in either camp, or back in the “Hey I’ll write you a book for 250 bucks” zone because another client screwed me and I was desperate.

Standing at the sink now, looking at the mirror
Don’t know where I am or how I got here
Well the only thing that I know how to find
Is another vice

Here’s to the devil you know. This one at least will drink some whiskey with you. And not tell anyone the next morning how you skulked out of there all Miranda Lambert “Vice”-like. So, there’s that.



No good deed

October 27th, 2016, 5:43 AM by Goddess

Got some good news yesterday. Well, two sets really. 

Made some progress on something that’s been unnecessarily hard. 

And I hear an end to some uncertainty is around the corner. 

Hooray. 
I woke up at 4 am with an idea, feeling inspired for the first time in a long time. Typed furiously on my laptop till 6 am … when the laptop died. It died. It fucking died. 

My iMac is sitting dead across the room. I can barely hear callers on my iPhone. 

Gonna be an expensive project to replace all this shit. 

It’s just too bad I finally felt a shade less than crazy and it was all for nothing. 



Moving on

October 21st, 2016, 10:52 AM by Goddess

Got a call from a person looking to hire a former employee. 

I bet it killed them to have to list me as a contact. 

I referred the call to someone else to handle. I said my hope is that this person finally finds a terrific fit. 

I mean it. And I hope others who maybe have their own set of frustrations with me would do the same thing. After all, we know those people had their own challenges with us. 



No regerts

October 18th, 2016, 11:34 AM by Goddess

There’s a commercial for a candy bar, where a punk-rock girl tattoos “No Regerts” on a dopey biker dude’s arm.

It makes me cringe because there are two misspellings on my calendar that drive me crazy. Also, I’m an editor.

At least, I think I’m an editor. I really don’t know how to identify lately. Female, feminist, Republican (at least, I am voting for the Republican in this election — for Democrat Hillary Clinton), daughter, kitty momma, blogger, wine drinker, coffee connoisseur, sun worshiper and goddess.

Note there’s no writer or editor or expert or investing legend in there. I’ve gotten away from those sorts of things in an effort to manage my time better. Way to go, giving up what defines you so you can learn OPP (other people’s processes) instead.

Anyway. Regerts.

*cringe*

I wish I had never just walked out on the job that March morning six years ago.

There, I said it.

I was upset about a lot of things, yes. And I also had a job waiting. So there’s that.

But …

I wish I hadn’t wasted the moment. On people who I thought at the time either deserved it or wouldn’t care either way.

I’m not saying I wish I could do it now. But what I am saying is that I wish I hadn’t burned that bridge, and not for the reason I did it.

I did it in solidarity with another employee (a bunch, actually, but one in particular) who would go on to screw ME over big-time. Like the bitch didn’t learn how it felt to be utterly shafted by people you trusted.

I lost friendships when I picked my allegiance. I lost connections, too, some of whom have actually gone on to do better things — even the people I hoped to never run into again.

Anyway. When I maybe perhaps just briefly for a moment imagine saying exactly what’s on my mind at the exact moment I think it, I reflect. And feel more than just a little regret.

Did I owe them more? Maybe. Did I owe myself — my reputation, my integrity, my ability to hold my head high and not avert my gaze when I see these people on the street — more? Absolutely.

Because nobody would accept it if I said I were simply eating a Milky Way. I shoulda had a Snickers bar … or a damn V-8 … instead.



Nutshell

October 13th, 2016, 2:17 PM by Goddess

My vacation week is going well, if you define vacation week as “being at work every single day.”