Caterwauling

“Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost?”

– Katy Perry, “Lost“

Man, talk about knowing the way and not knowing WTF to do first. Am buried in what we shall heretofore refer to as “Crap-a-Lanche” (i.e., Crap Avalanche). Apparently we’re reorganizing a tad at work. And apparently that means giving up two projects and gaining 40.

The only other thing I will say about reorganizing, other than I’m grateful to have a job in this clusterfuck we call an economy, is that instead of having one person here and there say, “That’s not my job,” you now get the person who USED to do the task telling you that your request is no longer their job PLUS the extra-added bonus of the new person doing the task saying that it’s not their job yet.

*head —> desk*

I’ve donned what I call the cloak o’ invisibility — that is, I’m pretending to be on vacation so I can give the new projects a full week of love, as opposed to the neglect they were getting otherwise. Well, guess what? That just frees me up from the daily crap to deal with the other crap I never had time for. And have I made a dent in the projects I’m supposed to be working on? Oh HELL no. See “It’s apparently nobody’s job,” above. Since apparently I have to do it if no one else will.

Zoloft, can has?

“Table’s set
The beds are made
Seems I let them slowly fade
Here I am at winter’s birth
Called to from beneath the earth
These frozen songs beneath the street
Buying shoes to bind my feet
Once my face it scrapes the dirt
No one asks if I am hurt
I am hurt.”

– Tara MacLean, “Things Outstanding“

Speaking of vacations, I’ve been looking forward to a combined work/pleasure trip. It’s paid for. It’s all non-refundable.

And then …

I heard a nasty rumor that the trip is canceled.

This came on the day when I got another notice from payroll that I’m no longer accruing vacation days because my bank is full.

I’m hoping I’m allowed to take the trip anyway, since it’s all paid for and stuff. I told folks that I don’t even care if the thing is canceled — just transfer my eight hotel nights to a D.C.-area establishment and don’t tell my Extended Houseguest^TM that I didn’t leave town!

What really irks me is that I could have spent that money on another trip I’m trying to save up for. Just a weekend jaunt to see an old friend from college. And by “just” I’m lying and by “old friend” I mean “I don’t really know what we were, or what we are now, but I am determined to find out.”

“The pain is self inflicted
I know it’s not good for my health
But it’s easier to please the world than it is to please myself
Oh the rest is out of my hands.”

– LeAnn Rimes, “What I Cannot Change“

All right, I feel mildly better that I’ve spilled my pumpkin guts today. And speaking of guts, or losing mine slowly but surely, I am pleased to announce that I no longer have to unbutton/unzip any of my jeans or dress pants to take them off because they are all falling the fuck off. Easy-access clothes, can has!

I often wonder whether it’s finally the time to go get married, have babies and get out of the rat race.

I usually laugh it off, as that would require a proposal (and someone willing to do it!) and a complete loss of wanting to go places by myself without toting a diaper bag and someone to pollute said diapers.

But today, I’m so spiritually exhausted that maybe I should go start shopping for my hope chest and see what follows.

I’m thinking of the scene in “9 to 5″ when all the ladies, one by one, fire the day and go for a drink at Charlie’s. I’m all for it.

Who’s on board? First round’s on me!

OK, OK, I’m getting your pokes that I haven’t blogged in a while. Thank you. I’m glad to know that if anything happened to me, I’d have people looking for me.

Anyway, I’ve been presented with a sort of bombshell that feels a lot like my worst nightmare, but that maybe my wildest dreams could be contained within it.

Hrm. I don’t know.

I can’t really explain it at this juncture. I do know that I really wanted a tequila shot this morning and had to settle for espresso, so maybe I will have to allow myself a little somethin’-somethin’ after work tonight.

I guess what I can say with some level of confidence is that when you’re doing something to change things for the better, other changes are destined to follow suit.

As you become a different person, maybe you outgrow everything around you. Maybe the universe notices and says, “OK, you’ve shown you can tackle (and even conquer) everything that’s been placed before you. Now it’s time to REALLY see what you’re made of.”

I’ve elected to stop wondering whether the changes are good or bad. Since, really, all I can do is make the best out of them.

I am asking folks, though, about the choice I made back when I had the chance … whether it was the right one or whether I shot myself in the foot. And I am being reassured that it’s all good and maybe better.

We’ll see.

Let’s face it, life gets cataclysmic sometimes. One may even proclaim that Life is Crap. But one wonders whether, through all the strangeness and suckitude, the good guys really will come out on top and get everything they dreamed of and so much more. Or, whether I should just go buy a T-shirt from that site now and accept the inevitable. …

Oh well. Lost another 2 pounds, so really, how can anything this week truly be bad?

more graph humor and song chart memes

I’d say it’s fairly accurate, although Tetris needs to be deleted (and only one person will get that joke!) and replaced with “Urge to suffocate Squeak Toys.”

Because, you know, if there IS such a thing as dumb questions, the asker will ask an endless stream of them. *squeeeaaaaakkkk* And don’t even get me started on what else they do to piss you right the fuck off, because I will tell you!

Today is so fucking fired.

Too bad you can’t actually go home after firing Monday … I might have contributed to the shit-canning of this awful day, but I still put in 13 hours of workity work work.

Speaking of work, I’m stealing an idea from Nic and asking you to pretend I just told you about my day, whereupon you act shocked and appalled and I’m saying, “I know, can you imagine?” Then we make several pitchers of margaritas and pass out in a tequila-soaked haze.

I feel better already!