Glamorous life

March 19th, 2014, 1:50 PM by Goddess

Another friend quit the Alligator Ranch today.

So now, in addition to the job posting I already have out there to find a Mini Me, I have two other openings folks have sent my way to, “Hey, you know everybody. Can you share the gospel?”

I’ve got my posting on the major sites but if you want to know about the others, you know where to reach me.

The thing is, if you’ve read even one or two of my blogs, tweets or Facebook musings, you probably would choose unemployment rather than replying to one of my job postings.

And that’s OK. We are a special brand of crazy. Think you can out-crazy us? We’d like to see you try!

(Seriously, please try. My inbox is as empty as my heart.)

Like right now I’m waiting on copy that was due three days ago. And a lunch date that never materialized and don’t get me started on why I never managed to leave the house today.

Anyway, regarding the deadline missed, I’d sooner put money on receiving a winged pony and a tooth fairy who pays in hundred-dollar bills.

Who WOULDN’T want to be a part of this glamorous life, I ask you?

Excuse me while I write an article on how the missing author was turned from a rooster to a hen today with just one shot. (Homage to Dolly Parton in “9 to 5.”) Now, wouldn’t YOU want to read that newsletter?

Apply within, folks. I can’t keep all this madness to myself …


March 17th, 2014, 9:25 PM by Goddess

My broadcasting system failed me again tonight. And no I didn’t hit any wrong buttons. But hitting the RIGHT buttons repeatedly yielded zero results, and I had to go in a back way.

The very way I learned completely by accident on Friday. Which worked like a charm tonight as my desperate Plan B.

Go figure.

As I was struggling to launch the thing the traditional way, everyone said goodbye and frolicked out. “Hope you figure out how to fix it!”

I fixed it, all right.

And when I fixed it, my colleague was having broadcasting problems of his own.

Now I could have said, “Oh hey, good luck!” like everyone else did.

But that’s not me. Captain and ship and all that jazz.

I hung around and offered help. He tried what he knew. Then he said, OK, since you stayed and might have an idea.

I found the problem quickly.

In any event, even though I’m at about a 47 on the 1-to-10 anxiety scale, I was really glad that A) I didn’t need anybody to help me, and B) I could help someone else in an area that’s inadvertently become an expertise.

It’s an hour of my life I won’t get back, but it sure beat what else I had planned for that hour-ish. Jobs are all about people — that’s what you leave behind, and that’s what you take with you. So, if I measure by that, I’ll call it a good day.

School night

March 16th, 2014, 5:31 PM by Goddess

Two sleepless nights in a row. And now I have to log into my work PC to finish stuff that should have been done last week. And, I’m sure, I’ll have plenty of e-mails asking what I did to (or why I didn’t) fix the fuckup.

(It’s because a meltdown was imminent. I e-mailed my boss a suggested solution, contacted Customer Service and then drank a whole bottle of wine. All in the same half-hour.)

My anxiety is still Through the Roof, to put it mildly.

When you have your past and your present at the same lunch table, as I saw Friday, you remember things.

I’m not saying any situation was ideal, and I can’t say one has been more-ideal than another. Both had their perks and frustrations.

I miss my old boss’ “No Meetings” rule. I mean, he took me all over the country to meet with experts and certainly we met with plenty of writers and such at home. But other than the occasional strategy or damage control session, we barely saw each other. And we lived four doors down from each other.

It’s … different now. Lots of meetings. I feel like I know Everything There is to Know about internal stuff. I would love to be in on more external discussions, like I used to be, but at some point in the day work actually has to get done.

Either way, the work-to-play ratio is unhealthy at best.

But I don’t want to imply it’s *just* a job driving me mad. Mom, cars, health, people — stuff I just can’t mention here that’s making me swoon at the thought of dealing with it by whatever deadline does or does not accompany it.

I think what bugs me most about the fuckup at work is not that I did it (and that it could have been avoided … and that the gal who logged in from home to help me and talk me off the ledge won’t get any credit), but that it could cost us money — money we worked SO HARD to make.

And even if the damage is minimal (which I expect it will be, realistically), it means the trust I have worked SO HARD to garner from a VERY difficult person may be in jeopardy.

The anticipated tongue-clack/told-you-so moment will make me have a Linda Blair moment, I can feel it.

The good news is, each day is a clean slate. And there will always be more fuckups to make. All told, I went about two and a half years without a moment like this, so I’d say maybe I’ll get some sleep SOMETIME this week once it’s blown over.

Lord, guide my steps (and muzzle my mouth) till I get to that point …

‘Was sort of hoping that you’d stay’

March 4th, 2014, 9:32 PM by Goddess

“(Do I wanna know)
If this feeling flows both ways?
(Sad to see you go)
Was sort of hoping that you’d stay
(Baby we both know)
That the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day.”

– Arctic Monkeys, “Do I Wanna Know”

As I was leaving for work an hour early Monday (new daily pre-market project. Shoot me), Mom said I looked better than usual. “Dewy,” she said.

I said, “They haven’t beaten the soul out of my being yet. Give it a day.”

Yeah, I look like hell today. Right on schedule.

Today I didn’t have to do my Evil Commute, so that was good. I had lunch with a colleague and an associate from my old Maryland days, who is passing through town. I got some sun, ate good food, actually had a productive meeting for a change (exchanging ideas. Amazing) and snuck to the beach for the sunset.

So, win.

But I’ve been relatively bitter over a beloved colleague’s departure from the job. He gave notice last week and thankfully told me about it right away so I was prepared when everyone inevitably called me to ask questions (that I didn’t answer).

It broke my heart. It really did. We got close really fast. And he didn’t last long. He took a position I vacated, so I KNOW. I don’t even have to ask why he decided not to waste his time.

This business is interesting in that if you can manage your expectations by changing them completely, you’ll be fine. If you want to retain your integrity, forget it. Move on.

I wouldn’t say I sold my soul. But I rent it out relatively cheap, and I certainly am without it more than I’m with it.

He’s not like that. He knows who he is. And he’s got a really impressive resume to boot. His next job is a total upgrade.

It makes me wonder when I lost sight of what I wanted, or whether I’ve changed so much that I could never go back.

I think I am where I need to be. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s not a life sentence, or at least not a death sentence, when it all gets to be too much.

So heartbreak aside that I’ve now lost my second good friend at work in as many years, I am not happy how he was treated on the way out.

Now I have to clarify we work for different sides of the same company. We have our own dysfunctions on my side, of course, but they are more-manageable.

I would hope my team wouldn’t exile me before my time is up. I sure hope his team paid him for the days they asked him NOT to continue coming in.

But it speaks volumes that I am very, very suspicious.

Seriously, nobody has any clue about our careers/connections/reputations. One bad word out of our mouths and it’s all over — and word spreads like wildfire in this little field. They’re damn lucky he’s staying quiet and I’m only talking in non-specifics on the blog.

It was my first day in a long time without cheerful little e-mails to pick me up throughout the day.

I don’t like this.

I find it amazing how this company has a way of bringing special people my way … and then driving them right out of my life.

But it occurred to me, on this day I finally lost patience and actually fought back when I felt slighted/attacked on another conference call today, they could toss me out at any moment too.

Reputation and connections and achievements and relationships and esteem aside, I could be on the curb with my friend. Thank God he had his escape plan activated.

And then when someone asked me about a project I’ve been avoiding for a year, I didn’t answer. Because it’s behind a project I’ve been avoiding for 11 months. Behind a project I just revived that is an absolute waste of my time.

All useless bullshit that doesn’t bring money in or keep it in the bank.

Shit that stresses me the fuck out because I get sick of people asking about it — I am not stressed because I’m missing an opportunity to grow or do right by the business. I’m stressed because it’s another way I’ve failed them that they can hold against me, if and when they so choose.

Look the real heartbreak here is losing my buddy. Who is off to another state to chase his next dream. Or the one he put on hold to pursue this adventure.

And through all of this, I’ve thought a lot about the job that tossed me to the curb, and all the bullshit that used to kill me suddenly went away.

It didn’t make or break the business that those things didn’t get done. Although maybe it would have sated the publisher-type beast if I’d just played along with her whims.

Because even though I focused on money-making and training my staff and basically just holding the walls up with my arms and legs as everything was closing in around us, it still wasn’t enough.

I don’t know why it surprises people that I have a brain in my head, and work hard and problem-solve, and PRIORITIZE … independent of all else. I don’t know how to become in charge.

I don’t know that I even want to be in charge. But I want to be acknowledged for, hey, you did all the right things and you’re right, this bullshit project — that is only going to result in MORE bullshit work for you, that keeps you from doing what you’re trained to do and, worse, will prevent you from having time to generate IDEAS — should be shelved.

I’m guessing I need one more good cry (and boy I’ve had a few this past week, starting with hearing about his resignation on this day last week, and his departure at close of business yesterday).

And maybe a velociraptor to eat every person and project that’s contributing to/causing my health problems.

I miss you, friend. But I meant when I said I hope they deserve you. Because, we didn’t. I just hope I’m not the only one who knows this to be true.

Time to give the world a mini-goddess

February 28th, 2014, 6:06 AM by Goddess

No, I’m not looking to get knocked up. (Although I could stand to use some of the activity that results in that.) But it’s time to expand my family … the kind I pay anyway.


I had 14 meetings just yesterday.

The thing is, I am really happy when I’m in full-on project mode. I’m just having a hard time with all the daily stuff weighing me down.

But I love the daily stuff too. I just want to do a wonderful job with it but I can’t when there’s so much to be done.

I want to do great, and I want to do it all … and I have to be happy dancing on the line between them both.

The good news is, I just got the green light to hire help. Hurrah! I do have a high-dollar helper who spends 60% of his time on a daily project for the boss, so I have to deal with either having him do A) one project really well or B) three or four projects done in a rush in the other 40% of his time.

And you can understand, when you have a high-dollar helper, you shouldn’t be so behind all the time … even if a lot of that “behindness” is you picking up the slack.

In any case, I was hoping to wait to hire till we moved the office further away from the dead pigs and chickens and possums along the side of the country road.

But now there’s Another New Project looming, so we’re speeding up the process.

So, if any of you would like to work for me, well, you know where to find me. Job description: Brilliant writer, researcher and general superhero-in-training.

Or as I told my boss, hire me a pool boy and I won’t need any helpers at work because I’ll finally be in a damn good mood and I’ll be able to do it all!