I don’t like Mondays birthdays
32. Shit.
Other than having a birthday bagel waiting for me at work, I don’t see any reason that the day won’t fade in and out like all the others. Which is OK, I guess. I’ve pretty much isolated myself from the world so much that most people forget I’m still in it. And maybe I’d be remiss if I didn’t admit to enjoying the silence more often than not.
My birthday wish, even though there are no candles to blow out, is for a day when I actually look forward to waking up — whether on my birthday or not — and awaiting the sunshine the day should hold. Sometimes I feel guilty at the mere glimpse of sun and warmth that I can catch in a morning — like it wasn’t meant for me. So, when a day comes that should be *mine,* I don’t do much but wait for it to end so that I’m not feeling guilty because it’s unremarkable. Beats feeling guilty that I somehow expect something magical to occur when I know full well that ain’t happening.
Just do me a favor and don’t ask me if I’m having a good day or if I did anything special to celebrate. It doesn’t matter. All it does is make conversation uncomfortable for you when I say no. All it does is remind me that there’s some sort of expectation that I can’t live up to, that I’m not as special as I’d been taught to believe.
I’m not depressed. Not even disillusioned. Just in a lather-rinse-repeat cycle. And while it’s definitely better than a constant spin cycle, I just feel washed out. I just hope feeling washed up stays at bay for a long while longer, because while I’m accustomed to feeling a bit blue on a day like today, I need to figure out how to celebrate it myself — rather, celebrate myself.
I do have two rituals that I uphold, though. One is to buy myself something special, that I can say I bought for X birthday. I don’t know what that is yet this year — maybe I’ll blow off paying a bill (I know, shocker! LOL) and go find it, whatever it is. I’d just be happy if I could locate the emerald ring set in white gold that I bought on my 29th birthday or if I could fit my pudgy pork roast ass into the semi-formal dress I bought on my 30th. I forget what I did last year. All these damn days run together anymore.
The second ritual is that I play a particular song when I wake up on this day every year, about which I have waxed poetic before. And of course, I’m streaming it today:
May 25th, 2006 at
Happy Birthday just the same, my dear. Let’s go have dinner sometime when I am done funding this wedding craziness.
May 25th, 2006 at
Congrats and Happy Happy Birthday! The best is yet to come — trust me on this one …. from someone who looks back fondly on 32. Some of the time after that was shit, but 32 was good.
May 25th, 2006 at
Happy birthday! You’re still such a baby. The thirties can be awesome, but truthfully, the 40s are even better.
May 25th, 2006 at
p.s. 39 was my best, sexiest year of my 30s. It only gets better, babe. My life has not turned out how I thought it would, but…it is still beautiful, and there is still happiness to be found.
There is so much beauty inside of you, Dawn. I hope you see it, if not today, than someday.
May 25th, 2006 at
p.s. This song is WAY.TOO.DAMN.SAD.
Come over. I posted a birthday song for you.
May 25th, 2006 at
Happy birthday, my dear! *mwah* *mwah* *mwah*
I know what you mean about birthdays. I’m sure I posted the same damn thing on my birthday, but I’d be too depressed if I look it up so I won’t verify. Celebrate the unbirthdays (TM Lewis Carroll) instead, because you have so very many more of them!
May 25th, 2006 at
Oh come on Dawn, I am still looking forward to surviving ’till 32. Think of it this way - in earlier days your were only expected to have the life span of 30. You are beating the odds. Something good will happen today b/c you are not expecting it. Happy Birthday.
May 25th, 2006 at
Happy Birthday, Dawn! *spanks you*
May 25th, 2006 at
Spankings!
Count me in!
Many happy returns my wonderous friend
May 25th, 2006 at
Hmm, yeah, I read this and wondered if it was still appropriate to say Happy Birthday, but I’ll go out on the limb and do it anyway.
Can I buy you a beer? A cake? A cake made with beer?
May 25th, 2006 at
Welcome to the 32 club, doll. I celebrated the same way.
*hugs* Bayou and I send our b-day spanks and love!
May 25th, 2006 at
Awww, I feel loved.
The world’s most useless birthday ever was interrupted by a flower delivery, which blew me the hell away. Who knew I actually mentioned my company name to someone at some point?
May 26th, 2006 at
Happy Birthday my fellow Geminian….Hey it could be worse you could be me I’ll be 38 FREAKING YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa thats only 2 years from 40……………
Oh well, I will return you to your regularly scheduled rant……..
May 27th, 2006 at
40 rocks. You don’t believe me now, but you will see.