Reader Poll Monday:
Do you own any TV shows on DVD?
“Dead Like Me, Season 1″ (Thanks Pratt!). I have a few seasons of “Sex and the City.” The rest are in my Netflix queue, including the second season of “Dead Like Me” (coming in a few days!), “The L Word, Season 2″ and a whole buncha stuff that will include “The Office” and others.
Season 2 of “The Office” starts tonight! Squee! Lurrve network TV in the fall — “Medium” is back, as is “ER.” Time to start revolving the social life around the idiot box again. 
What’s your inseam?
I am the reason for the word “shorty.” I think it’s 27″
Do you have a wireless Internet connection at home?
Funny you should ask. I spent a fortune on a wireless router awhile back, but when I found myself unemployed, I sold it (still in its original box/plastic wrapping) for not even a third of what I paid for it.
This was when, of course, I was saving up to buy a laptop, but that dream’s on hold for a little while longer.
What’s your favorite thing about autumn?
Vibrant colors. I dislike the color I refer to as “Apartment Eggshell” — the color every office and apartment is painted — my eyes are so screwy from staring at light walls and computer screens 24/7. I swear, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, because I am only happy when I am outside and seeing pretty, pretty colors everywhere.
My least favorite thing (I know I wasn’t asked) is looking back and wondering where my summer went — I did nothing to enjoy it. And I fear the next couple of seasons are going to pass by equally unnoticed.
Have you ever bleached your teeth?
As I was a smoker for 10 years and will probably drink coffee and pop for the rest of my natural-born days, I am in need of artificial whitening action. I’ve done the strips thing, although they always give me cold sores and I look like I’m contagious or something. NOT FUN!
What’s your best feature, appearance-wise?
*bwahahahahahaaaa* Yeah, right. I’m typing this in Garfield pajamas, glasses and no makeup — I wouldn’t say I’m feeling altogether that stellar right now to possibly come up with a semblance of a response.
What’s your best feature, personality-wise?
*bwahahahahahaaaa* I don’t have any personality. 
I don’t know — I’ve been told I can light up a room when I want to. I bite my tongue and otherwise feel so stifled all the damn time — there is so much I leave unsaid, usually because my very-vocal style has always, ALWAYS ended up making my life more difficult. That, and when I am holding onto some juicy gossip, I will keep it close to me (until, of course, I can exploit it — I’d be great at blackmail!).
In any event, get a coupla bloody marys in me, and I will feel free to chat away and say ridiculous, incoherent things that people somehow remember fondly. And I won’t even care whether y’all are laughing with me or *at* me!
What’s your favorite memory from high school?
Leaving it. Actually, there were two, um, “highlights”:
CRISPY CRITTERS
I was trapped in the high school building while it was on fire. Great fun.
Long story short, I was trapped in the library with a friend when the classroom across the hall erupted in flames. It was about 5:30 p.m. — we dorks were working on the school newspaper. Our adviser was known for smoking in that room and ashing into the trashcan.
Dumbass (she might have had black roots, but for all intents and purposes, she was a blonde) didn’t put out the cigarette before throwing it in the can, so it smouldered for awhile before going *poof.* What a joy it was to call the fire department because the school was on fire!
She had hated us BEFORE that day, so AFTER was an even bigger treat. Although, in exchange for our silence about her being the cause of the fire, she quit giving us shit. And I skipped her journalism/creative writing classes for the rest of the year and still got an “A.”
It was the least she could do for almost KILLING her students.
And she will forever be known as an “ash blonde.” LOL
PUTTING THE ‘MORON’ IN OXYMORON
Oooh! There was another time I enjoyed (there were only two — believe me, this ain’t evolving into a trip down memory lane). We were practicing for Honors Night — the National Honor Society chapter event for graduating seniors and new juniors. I was the president of this esteemed group. (I was smart. Once.)
The principal was onstage, getting ready to introduce me. He was known for being pretty long-winded, so I plopped into a chair and curled up for a long winter’s nap — I figured he’d be awhile. He joked, “I promise, I’ll make my remarks short.”
And what’s when my Inner Tourette’s kicked in, because I don’t remember saying this, but apparently I’d said, “Him? Brief? That’s an oxymoron!”
And my guidance counselors totally overheard me and ratted me out. Surprisingly, on the actual honors night, when the principal gave his remarks and turned it over to me, he recounted the story of what I’d said, for the WORLD to hear, and noted that maybe I was right after all. I absolutely loved him for that!
If you were forced to change your name (first and last), what would you like it to be?
Princess Conchita Bananahammock — or whatever “Phoebe” on “Friends” decided to do.
I used to have a pseudonym for publishing my poetry/fiction works, but I ain’t tellin’. That doesn’t fit me anymore.
I may have to enter Witness Protection someday anyway, so it’s best if I don’t reveal my secret identity.
Ask me something.
How DO you handle a problem like Maria?
On iTunes: Portishead, “Beautiful”
